There is good reason to feel the pull of home when he wants you to stay overnight. Receiving the emotional/physical type of intimacy is the half way mark, but his wanting you to permanently park your car in his garage has not been proclaimed. Your reactions might be that he HASN'T made any suggestion of such a promise of a long-term commitment as par of the course!

So yes, stay in control and sweetly bid him goodnight as you go out his door to your home.

I don't know how long you've been seeing this guy, but if your gut is telling you to slow down, you'd be best to listen to it!

Reflecting back on my post-divorce relationship with Tom, I can clearly see where I allowed him to move along way too fast. If I had listened to my gut and trusted my instincts, I would have NEVER asked him to move in with me so early in the relationship (6 months).

My therapist always advises to apply the FOUR SEASONS RULE to any new relationship. She says you don't really know someone until you've known them for a FULL YEAR and I believe she's right.

If your gut is telling you to pull back, TRUST IT!

I agree with the comments so far. Your gut is what you need to listen too. And I will tell you from experience, it is so much better for everyone when your children are taken in to account.

I say go with your gut do whats best for you

((((( hugs)))))

I also think you should go with your initial gut feelings. If you get a pull for home, it's not right for you to stay.

Your kids are a part of your life. If I ever get up the courage to attempt to date, one of my priorities will be that he and my kids get on.

love and hugs
kamary

Generally speaking most people are slow to accept change. Comfort zones are called for what it is they provide, comfort. Four seasons? I failed to truly know my ex after 29 years apparently (actually 40 years since we were classmates since the 4th grade). Life is short, attempting to visualize how the future will turn out using current affairs have proven to most all of us a practice in futility and oftentimes ties our hands in experiencing more in the moment. Be explorative but not reckless and relax a bit more on where the chips may fall. Being overly protective stagnates the possibilities that lie before us but I know where you're coming from in trying to determine what is now best for us as we literally start over at a time we when should be relishing in the fruits of our labors over the years. I've adopted more and more of Nike's little saying, "Just Do It". In the end it is better to have written a new history than it is to imagine a new future. A decade from now you can either reflect on what you've done or still be thinking about what you should do.

I wonder why you would expect to be the same person you were before your marriage, before children, before divorce? You're so much wiser, with vast experiences to base your choices on. When I think of how naïve and ignorant I was, whew..... it's amazing I'm still here.

My take is if you're not comfortable, don't do it. However, if you like him enough to consider doing something you don't want to, I would think he's worth working to figure out 2 things: why you are uncomfortable (you've gotten a start on that work) and what does he want for the two of you? If you're staying over at each other's houses, shouldn't you be able to discuss expectations for the future? Not talking marriage here, but where do you want to be in 6 months, where does he?

I'm happy you have a nice person in your life, these are pretty nice problems to have I think.

MNMama took the words right out of my mouth. Its time to examine your responses. Is your hesitation born from your past hurts? Are you afraid it will happen again? Is fear your motivator?

Its true that we have more to consider than just ourselves...however....most of us have adult children now...they are off living their own lives. It would be wonderful if they accepted our choices with open hearts but we must also take into consideration...the loss of their family unit was really hard on them too. It may take some time for them to adjust. Our children can not be the only reason not to move on into a new relationship.

It sounds like this new man in your life is a great guy...if he is...he will wait until you figure some stuff out. I think...for now...you may want to focus on yourself and do a bit more inner work so you can clear yourself to be more open to that something wonderful that is just waiting for you....and all of us for that matter...Big Hugs...Kathy