Well, you did it and you are definitely not at a point of not caring what he does, so you have some work to do. This little happening was just another tool for you to get to that place. He's not your "friend". Just remember that. Who cares what he's doing. Why he wanted to friend you in the first place was to probably troll your fb account.
Nothing you can do about it now but move on from here and learn a lesson. You'll be ok.

I guess curiosity and maybe a little hope got the better of you briefly. Now you know your intuition is rarely wrong. Every now and then, we tend to ignore gut feelings and do it anyway, only to find our gut was right. In a way, it's a good thing. You know he's still an a.. and you know your intuition is still working.

FB is NOT indicative of a person's real life situation. People only post the good things and things that suggest that their lives are perfectly happy. You cannot believe what you see on FB!

Your ex has set up his FB account and asked you to friend him so that he can show you how happy he is and what a wonderful life he has. He wants to upset you. You can't use FB as a yardstick to determine if justice is being done.

If you want justice, the best thing to do is make your own life good. Stay away from the ex and make your life all about things you like to do and things that make you feel good about yourself. What happens to him has nothing to do with your own inner peace because if you're looking for his life to go under, you are actually still living in the past and looking for revenge, neither of which will help you.

I have some sad and lonely days, too. I wish the whole life dream thing had happened, and I do tend to blame the ex for it. I am saddest on the days I allow myself to dwell on the ex and the lost dream. It's important not to do that.

Concentrate on the good things in your life, even if they are small and seem insignificant. Allow yourself to be happy. Allow yourself to do fun things.

No one is watching you and thinking "It's all his fault she's like that." Others really are not thinking about anyone but themselves. So why not throw caution to the wind and start enjoying what you have? I'd far rather people notice me for my peace and newfound joy in life anyway -- both things that I didn't have a hope of finding as long as I lived with the ex.

Let him go. Draw a picture of him, put a nice big cross on it, say goodbye and float it down the river.

then watch your life begin to blossom:)

love and hugs
kamary

Cmonge, I feel your pain & loneliness. I too agree not to bother with what your ex is doing. Although, I know that it is easier said than done.
KRKing, you are always right on. Your comments always make me come to my senses. The wake up call that I need even if I wasn't looking for it. :) Thanks for your wisdom.
Thoughts & prayers to all of you putting your lives back together & moving on.

Kamary you always say the best things and in the best way.

Hugs Dee

I am just super sorry Cmonge I wish I had something better to say but Yah I don't know why this doesn't make sense either ! I think my heart wasn't meant to be on this earth as it is too sensitive for here !!

I feel like I just gave this advice about "not worrying about what he is doing" to picking up about a week ago. I need to just pay attention to my own advice! Everyone else's situation is always a little easier to evaluate than your own.

I 'd rather call it being ANALYTICAL. Just know your curiosity has given you confirmation. You need no more evidence from what you saw. You know his smiling does not line up with his past experiences and behavior...he's an alcoholic not able to engage. This knowing is referred as "predictive modeling" is made up of a number of predictors and variable factors that are likely to influence his future behavior and results.

Thank yourself you are "free".

Check this out...this pretty much sums up facebook and what its all about. This helped me feel better about what I saw on there. You just have to suffer through a commercial first.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QxVZYiJKl1Y#t=39

If his life is so great why is he befriending you ?? He would be too busy to give you a second thought. Plus trust me most of his friends on facebook I'm sure are superficial ya know how these things go. I personally think its all stupid. date sites face book etc its a way for know bodies to think they have friends and someone cares. Like someone said pictures don't tell the whole story as dairytech pointed out with the you tube video. I prefer genuine people in my life. Don't you ?? What do they say believe none of what ya hear and half of what you see:)

Dairytech - that video is spot on! Thanks for sending it - although it is a little depressing!
TobyWinn - being "free" is a great way to look at this. I will try to focus on that.

Thanks everybody. :) BTW, I really didn't want a "slab" on the head - that could be deadly - :) crazy typos.

I've had to spend a lot of time communicating with him lately, because of our kid's problems, but I have to remember to leave it at that - contact only for that reason...

That's the way, cmonge.

love and hugs
kamary

Dairy just saw that clip OMG it was depressing but funny all at the same time. Thanks for sharing. I'm going to share this on FB ha ha ha.

You're not an idiot, you've done what a lot of us have done, just took a quick peek and then life spirals out of control again until we snap out of it. I don't do a lot of FB(mainly because my ex lives on it) and only have family and very few friends on it but I did spend some time on it after my ex left. That is how I found out "we were separated" who knew, it was news to me. I immediately unfriended him and after peeking several times at his page and breaking my heart all over again, stopped doing that. Not a good idea, as you now know. And just because they are sharing their life in FB doesn't mean its all rosy, who puts the bad things out there for all the world to see? I know my ex has a boat load of friends on his but does that really matter? Not to me it doesn't. I'd rather have real life friends and family then have a pretend following on FB.

Don't be hard on yourself and you're doing great by limiting contact. Sometimes that's the hardest part. Great job in coming to your senses sooner then some of us did. Be happy!

I don't think you're an idiot. I think you're a person who's curiosity got the better of her and, unlike the proverbial cat, lived to tell the tale and learn from it.
We all do things we want to slap ourselves (or slab ourselves- hee hee), over. Don't beat yourself up over a misstep. Learn from it, dust yourself off, and take another step forward.
I agree with everyone, Facebook is only showing part of the story and especially when you have narcissists and addicts involved, it's probably not showing ANY of the story. When someone like that has control over what others see, you can bet it's all lies and fantasies. The fact that he asked you to "friend" him tells me it was a calculated, manipulative, bunch of lies and fantasies.
He's still, pathetically, trying to get your attention. You're smarter and wiser now. Send up a prayer for the ill people in the world, and try not to let it bother you any more.