Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group
I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...
Tonight, after long consideration, I have decided to file for divorce. Yes, my husband has already filed, but this is something I need to do for me. I need to end my marriage too.
I have tried and tried for 8 solid months to save my marriage. After talking to my husband yesterday about possible marriage counseling I knew by his demeanor and reaction that there was no possible chance for a reconciliation. He was so cold and emotionless the whole time I was talking. He didn't offer even one word of hope or encouragement. When he drove away and left me standing on the steps to my condo, I knew that it was over. I know that I gave my all to save my marriage so I will have absolutely no regrets by filing for divorce now.
I realized that I don't want the same husband who left me 8 months ago, nor do I want the same husband I had for the last 10 years, I want the husband I was married to during the first 5 years of our marriage - the nice, loving, supportive and trustworthy husband. I've come to accept that he's not that man anymore and he never will be again.
So now I begin the last leg of my journey. I know that I will find peace at the end of it and I am looking forward to a new life for myself. You know, my old life with him wasn't all that great anyway. Living by myself will be a whole lot better than being alone in a loveless marriage.
I truly believe that it is his loss. I know that I am a kind, loving and worthy woman and I have a lot to offer the right man ... someday.
I trust in the Lord to light the way for me. I know that He has great things in store for me and that happiness will be mine for the taking when the time is right.
Thank you all for your support throughout this whole process. Not once have you let me down when I needed you the most. You have been a life saver for me and I couldn't have become this strong without you. Hugs to all of you, my DS friends.
I will keep you posted - wish me luck down the homestretch.
I have tried and tried for 8 solid months to save my marriage. After talking to my husband yesterday about possible marriage counseling I knew by his demeanor and reaction that there was no possible chance for a reconciliation. He was so cold and emotionless the whole time I was talking. He didn't offer even one word of hope or encouragement. When he drove away and left me standing on the steps to my condo, I knew that it was over. I know that I gave my all to save my marriage so I will have absolutely no regrets by filing for divorce now.
I realized that I don't want the same husband who left me 8 months ago, nor do I want the same husband I had for the last 10 years, I want the husband I was married to during the first 5 years of our marriage - the nice, loving, supportive and trustworthy husband. I've come to accept that he's not that man anymore and he never will be again.
So now I begin the last leg of my journey. I know that I will find peace at the end of it and I am looking forward to a new life for myself. You know, my old life with him wasn't all that great anyway. Living by myself will be a whole lot better than being alone in a loveless marriage.
I truly believe that it is his loss. I know that I am a kind, loving and worthy woman and I have a lot to offer the right man ... someday.
I trust in the Lord to light the way for me. I know that He has great things in store for me and that happiness will be mine for the taking when the time is right.
Thank you all for your support throughout this whole process. Not once have you let me down when I needed you the most. You have been a life saver for me and I couldn't have become this strong without you. Hugs to all of you, my DS friends.
I will keep you posted - wish me luck down the homestretch.
My heart is breaking for you. I'm so sorry that things didn't turn out the way you had hoped. I know exactly how you feel. You are a brave and courageous woman for holding on to hope, when everything and everyone told you to let go. There is no shame in wanting to keep a marriage together, even when everyone else thinks you've lost your mind. You can move forward knowing that you gave the fool every opportunity to clean up the mess he'd made and to keep his family together.
I have no idea what gets into these men, but it isn't good and it makes no sense. How they can just meet up with some other woman, and then treat their wife like yesterday's news, is beyond me. My shrink keeps trying to explain how narcissists operate, and that the people who do this suffer from it, but I just can't wrap my head around it. He said he is glad I can't understand it, because it would only make sense to someone who could relate to it.
My prayers will be with you in the coming months.
I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself and you'll be in my prayers daily. Hugs.
This is just the beginning for you though. Don't lose sight of that or expect to be even close to the end of this emotional roller coaster ride. I so admire your strength and positive out look. These two things will help you greatly along the way. But, remember that it's a long process. Don't expect too much of yourself right now. You will need to reach out from within to get through this.
You are strong in your faith. I admire that also. God is letting you know that he has a better plan for you by not answering your prayers (our prayers). Let this be your sign to move forward. He is with you - leading the way. And, we are with you to give you all the support and love that we can give. You're a wonderful, caring and inspiring woman. You give so much to each and everyone of us. We'll all get through this together. There is so much strength in numbers. I love you, Chrissy - there for you all the way.
Love, Hugs and Prayers!!!!
I will get through this - I know I'm on my way now. The road may still be bumpy but I know it will lead me home. I love you all. You are the best.
I did not want to be married to someone who does not want to be married to me. Not that you can ever put a time frame on working it out, but after 4 years of him moving in and out, me going to therapy alone during that whole time, seeing my therapist together, him seeing his own alone, couples counseling with his therapist and he still would threaten divorce and be withholding and distant, I had to agree and stop this insanity. I was told I could not keep living like this and I knew that it would only happen again, and I would be older, and have to go through this pain again, I have already done it at least 5 times. Who can live with the threat of when something goes wrong, I am moving out, I want a divorce.
The pain is the same, and all I can say is that doing something to stop it is survival, and self protective. My therapist worked with me to see that I did not want back the husband that he had turned into. I many a time said, I can not keep doing this, but I did. Other people said this is killing you, and I still hung on. We all have to "do it" in our own time and frame. It took a big step for me to file jointly with him, under the pretense we were going to do this ourselves, no lawyer. As I said, my ex figured I would be our lawyer and do it like I did everything else. The best thing I ever did was hire the very best lawyer for myself.
We are all here for you. Once you walk through the fire it can be cleansing. Not easy, but you do come out the other side.