I receive emails and newsletters from Dr. Karen Sherman. She is a clinical psychologist with a whole lot of good advice for folks who are going through a break-up or divorce -- regardless of their age or length of the relationship. Today, this helpful piece arrived in my inbox and I wanted to share it with all of you. A lot of it is the same advice that has been offered by our members on the discussion boards, but I felt it addressed just about every facet of Holiday Blues syndrome. Hope it helps!
the Cowgirl

How to Beat the Holiday Blues

As we are in the midst of the Holiday Season, no doubt many of you have already had to deal with the stress of this time of year. And likely ... there's even more to come! I'm not referring to the gift buying and all the preparation, though those are certainly fraught with tension as well. For many of you, the Holidays also bring emotional stress.

As with anything else, you approach this time of year with expectations. These expectations arise from many possible sources: your upbringing, what you've observed in others, or what the media displays. For most, there's the belief that, at this time of year, people are happily surrounded by loved ones sharing joyous memories and good times. The reality, however, more often than not, doesn't match the thought process.

There are a variety of reasons that the "Donna Reed" family fantasy cannot occur. Today, most families don't live close by to one another. As a result, getting together is difficult. It may even mean having to alternate visits with one family and the other on different years.

With the high divorce rate, the make-up of many families is now quite complex. Time distribution and getting to see everyone is certainly challenging.

And, of course, the truth is that all families are dysfunctional to some degree. As much as you'd like to get together and enjoy one another, there's a good chance that when you are all together, there's going to be some element of tension. It may almost seem like what is supposed to be happy and joyous is more of a test in emotional endurance.

For others, there may be a sense of sadness at this time of year. Perhaps there are people who are no longer with you; their absence is more obvious at this time. This can be due to either someone's passing or a relationship break-up. Either is a loss and is painful.

Sadness can also result from you not feeling you're at a place where you should be. Does it look like everyone else is happy and that there's something missing for you? Are you dissatisfied with being single? Do you feel that your career is not what is should be?

This year, especially, many of you are experiencing anxiety and/or fear. Some of you have been directly hit by the present economic situation. Others are anticipating a problem ... which can be rather unnerving.

So, with all of these possible negative situations, how does one possibly survive this time of year? The answer, Dorothy, is within you. First, know that there are some realities you cannot change. Acceptance of what is -- whether it is a quirky family, an unmet goal, or a broken relationship, does help the process of finding peace.

When you can reach acceptance, when you can "let go," your emotions are less heightened. From this vantage point, you can reflect more easily on other possibilities. You can even explore where the emotions are stemming from and do some healing work, if necessary. You are more empowered.

It's also very important to know that whatever situation is happening, is transitional. Though it feels awful now, it will pass. Again, through the power of your inner calmness, you will be able to achieve a much higher sense of clarity, hopefulness, and peace.