I think most of the folks here will tell you to definitely NOT DATE until your divorce is final. That's kind of common sense from where I sit. As to when is the right time...that is going to be different for everyone.

My divorce took 18 Months of Hell to finalize. A little bit after that, a friend gave me a 3-month subscription to eHarmony.com and I just set it aside for about 3 months. Then one day I thought what the Hell and gave it a try. Just about the time the subscription had expired, a match came up for me that sounded perfect! He and I corresponded back and forth for a month before sharing phone numbers. We talked on the phone a lot and finally, after 6 weeks, decided it was time to meet in person. This was in late August 2007.

The whole thing was like a fairy tale -- he was 5 years divorced and in a good place about it. I still had some raw spots, but had continued to see my therapist post-divorce. After a whirlwind couple of months, we decided the logical thing to do was to combine our households and I invited him to move to the farm with me. Everything was great for the first 3 years (and that's longer than the "honeymoon period" usually lasts) but then I started to see a number of things I had obviously overlooked during our courtship.

Long story short, when I sold the farm in early 2013 and decided to move to Florida, he was OUT OF THE PICTURE. I broke off our engagement and gave him back that 1.2 carat stunner of a diamond ring. Breaking up was hard to do, BUT I had learned so much about healthy relationships during my divorce, I wanted no part of being in an unhealthy one. And a relationship is only as healthy as the least healthy partner. I was married to a "man with issues" for 25 years. I didn't want to spend the rest of my life in the same type of situation.

So what I'm saying, my dear, is TAKE YOUR TIME and TREAD CAREFULLY! There are lots of men out there, but I'm convinced that the older they get, the more issues they have. Men have never been very willing to work on their issues (especially those stemming from childhood) so unless you want to play therapist for the rest of your life, LOOK 'EM OVER CAREFULLY. And in retrospect I can see that while it was wonderful, romantic and fun (and he DID show me what it was like to be treated with love and respect -- something I NEVER had in my marriage) I jumped in way too soon. From now on, I'm sticking with the "Four Seasons" rule -- that is, you have to know someone for a YEAR to really know them.

I have been divorced two years this month and I'm still not ready.

Probably more accurate to say I'm just not interested, and can't be bothered.

I am a home body, I like to go home put my jammies on , grab a book and a cup of tea and read.

Truth be told, meeting my husband was a fluke, my girlfriend literally dragged me out to an art exhibit one night . That's where we met, and married three months later.

Granted my children are still young, just getting old enough to start leaving them alone. We are very busy with their stuff right now, so if I did have a free night to myself last thing i want to do is go to a bar for a drink.

I guess what i'm saying is your ready when your ready. Theres no time lines, no right or wrong.

For me I know I'm too set in my ways right now, I figure in four years when kids are in university then I will probably have more interest.

Right now if I was asked out it would be hard to date. Oh sorry kids have somthing m/t/w/t/f/s/s this week, how about two weeks Wednesday when I have a 3 hour window.

(((HUGS))))

I'm not sure its this epiphany like IM READY TO DATE !!!

No Im probably not, but giving myself the room to do it wrong. I went on Match to get through the holidays. As I was so over the family Christmas tapes playing in my head that I knew would have me again in a pile on the floor.

What I will tell you about it that has helped me. I am thinking about other men and not my ex !!!! And that feels good. I am looking toward the future and not reliving my past everday.........and the HOW COULD HE DO THIS

I don't even recall the month my divorce became final. I think it was about 10 months after I heard, "I want a divorce." So if that number is right it was around 3 months after the divorce was final that I had my first date. The person I'm currently seeing is the 5th woman I've been with since but I wouldn't call it dating her, more like spending time with her.

IMO dating has various levels and I find each level to be worthwhile, including the rebound relationship. We learn best by doing. As long as both parties are in similar stages it can be beneficial. Like the first gal I dated was hurting, just like I was. We supported each other, consoled each other, helped each other. Neither of us had a clue how to 'date' anymore so it went rather well actually. We were both 'learning' and we were both very aware that our vulnerabilities had to be scrutinized and kept in check so that 'feel good' feeling a person gets after getting slammed into the gutter didn't carry us into la la land. A good example of two people not being on the same page that shouldn't date each other was evident on the show "The Bachelor" last Monday night. This blonde gal was crying to the 'bachelor' about her b/f-husband, (not sure which) committed suicide and they have a kid between them. Like he's going pick her!? If she's ready to date, it sure isn't him. He isn't looking for that.

The 4th gal I dated got serious which was about 2 years after my divorce. She moved 560 miles to live with me after I'd had driven there 2 or 3 times a month for about a year. She lived with me a tad over 2 years and we parted with respect for one another. Her mother was ailing, missed her adult son, became homesick pretty bad. She left December of '11 and we still talk occasionally. Had we built a family together I think we could have lasted the test of time. Sitting here thinking, I do miss her but in a fond way, not a painful one. I respect her adult choices unlike the frivolous folly my ex portrayed. She did the honorable thing moving back to help her brother care for their mother. I think I could have grown old with her. Maybe there is a touch of pain there. I liked her a lot. Funny, that seems to have more power than saying I loved her a lot. hmmmm

Anymore I think I've gotten to the point I just don't want the hassle of pleasing another. I'm growing old alone quite okay but when I think about 'growing old alone' it paints a different picture. That right there tells me perception and imagination can make my reality worse than it actually is. Isn't it true? We people just always want what we don't have.

That's my dating in a nutshell which covers the last nine years. There is one gal at work that only wants to jump my bones. She hit on me about a month ago. I told her I was seeing someone. She said I could keep seeing that person, she just wanted me to make it difficult for her to walk the next day, (I'm using her words minus a few explicit verbs). I couldn't believe my ears. Nine years out and I'm still naïve.

As it's been said-dating should definitely go on hold until your divorce is final. After that I guess you'll know when is good for you. I have heard many times that it takes a long time to heal from a long term marriage and you shouldn't jump into anything serious until that point.

I am not ready and I found that out the hard way. I waited until my divorce was final but our divorce was fast since our kids were grown. We went to see a moderator in November, I moved out of the marital home in December and we had our court date on January 31st Our divorce was final by the end of June. I tried dating after that and I had fun in the beginning but when things started getting a little too real, I bailed.

I definitely needed more time to heal; still do. Healing is sort a selfish process in that you are very focused on yourself so I don't think it's possible to be giving with another person in that state. I think I'll know when I'm ready when the time comes. I do think it takes a little bit though.

Jenyymuchafraid-so glad that you are enjoying dating! You give me hope.

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Really !!!! How do I give hope?

I did this as a friggen science experiment for me. Here is the thing..... married since 17 (really) no clue about men worldly or christian I was busy doing my kids the whole time and bible studies..... so as hub was not there or engaged I thought that was normal cause thats what he told me.

So really I am just trying to figure men out really.( Undercover) ............. but hey if I give someone hope GREAT!!!! Happy to clue you in if I get them tho

I am going on my first date today, a little over three years since X left. Everybody's timeline will be different. I thought I was ready about 8 months ago, but couldn't go through with anything-not because of any residual feelings, etc. but because of a very low self esteem. I continue to work on liking me, and hopefully today will be a good step for me.