I didn't count, but a lot of what I read was oddly familiar to me. :(

I think I was raised by two narcissistic parents, so it was very easy for me to feel comfortable (in that sad, dysfunctional way) with my husband. Dealing with a narcissist, after all, was all I knew.

I especially related to the part about becoming an object to be discarded when you DARED to stand up to the narcissist and state that you had feelings, desires, wants, needs, and that they were treating you like a doormat.

CarolAnnie,
I took me months to get the dirt off of me from her wiping her shoes on me...lol The one the stood out to me the most was the authoritative quality that they exhibit....wooooooooo She was a definite control freak and if you tried to take control even a little you had hell to pay. Same went for criticim.....and she was/did get worse with age.....AJJ

pemdcat,
My stbx was really sly with his narcissistic qualities. On a good day (when he wasn't being challenged, and he rarely was), he came off as easy going, emotionally stable/healthy, and he acted very loving and kind. But, when his BS was discovered, OH MAN..., he did a 360 degree turnabout, in a split second, and suddenly, up was down, black was white, right was left, and everything was turned around and twisted. One minute he loved me, the next he never had. One minute he was so grateful that I voluntarily took care of our finances and did such a good job, the next minute, I had singlehandedly messed it all up and FORBID him from having any say-so about it. One minute he was planning my 50th birthday party 3 years down the road, but the next, he'd been planning to leave me for years. Of course, one minute, he was faithful and committed to our marriage, and then, suddenly I discovered he wasn't. And then, his turn-about ensued.

I never realized that he was wiping his shoes on me. I'm only just now coming to terms with it. He managed to somehow make me believe, incorrectly of course, that I was well-loved and cherished. But, I was nothing of the sort. I was simply THERE. I was only as good as my ability to be in the dark about what he was really doing and what he was really about. When I could no longer believe what he said over what I felt, the gig was up and I went from Something to Nothing, in a matter of seconds.

I threatened his image of himself. If he had continued to hang out with me, he'd have to acknowledge the truth about himself and he wasn't about to go there. So, he needed to kick me to the curb, race out of our marriage, and LIE LIKE A DIRTY DOG in order to explain the bizarre turn of events in our marriage.

I'm just now starting to shake off the dirt. It's been a long haul and I hurt like there is no tomorrow to hurt. But, I have faith that brighter days are ahead, now that I'm FREE to live an authentic life on my own terms, and not existing in the madness that comes with loving one of these narcisstic folks. I have so much going on for me and I'm just going to work on letting it go and walking joyfully towards what I truly deserve.

I agree with almost everyting you have said, it took years for her to get to the point of really being nasty therefore you "get used to it" and can't see the forrest for the trees thing. Just before it hit the fan, it got so bad the only time she was nice she wanted somethng.... so when she was sweet and toughing my back, I wondered if she was looking for a soft spot to stick the knife....lol It was almost as if she was bi-polar and may have been...All I know is that I am much better off beening away from her.... Her actions over the last ten or so years had killed any and all emotion for her so moving on wasn't as hard as if infidelity had been involved and a sudden break up had occured. So it does get better, it does take time and having to deal with the infidelity makes it so much more difficult...... I imagine ou go through bouts of lack of or loss of self worth.....far be that from the truth.......they tend to make you think its all your fault, nothing wrong with them and they can do no wrong....lay all blame your way.....but one day the hurt will be minimal and you will live and love again.......AJJ

YES This was my ex.--oh he's in denial that ITS him. OF course.
He acted out and became a fucking monster.

I realized too that I was raised also in a narcissistic family too.


SO what about us -THE VICTIMS OF THESE SICK PEOPLE.
what about US?

Do we learn--CAN WE recognize the subtle signs!
I sure hope so, Its our only protection NOW.

I have learned a lot...I vow never to take the verbal abuse I went through for over the last ten years......I will run,crawl, inchworm to get away.... suprisingly life IS good.....movng on, moving up

pub I have met the same monster in female form.....AJJ

Mine stacks up to them all. I too would rather live in a tent under a bridge, then to go back to what I left. It's not an easy thing, to live with OR LEAVE a narcissistic person. Hats off to you pemdcat - you deserve much more. I hope you find your way and fill your life with good things. Hugs to you.

Well mine stqacks up just fine on this list.. i have always said..right from the beginning.. I never had a conversation with him, about anything important, that made sense.. we would go round and round till I would just give up...don't know why it took me 22 years, to get out of that insanity...