I'm really not sure where to begin, but I'll keep it as short as possible. I was married at 18 (way too young). He was my first and only love. We have struggled for many years. He says I only remember the bad times and not the good, but the bad times started quickly. Fast forward to 24 years later and 2 teenagers, it's all come to an end. I couldn't take it anymore. I know that it wasn't all him even though I'd like to think it was.....It all came to a head when he became addicted to one of the online multi media games you hear a lot about (World of Warcraft). Looking back it was probably his escape, but it was his escape that drove me to the brink of insanity. I was doing everything (shopping, cleaning, mowing, bill paying, kids appointments......etc) You name it I did it while he played on his game for hours and hours a day. Sometimes up to 18 hours in one day. He was at his computer when I went to bed at night and there when I woke up during the night and in the morning.

It was on a very hot day after mowing our yard in 90 something degree heat (we have an acre) with a push mower that I decided enough was enough. I'd left once before for this same issue and came back after 9 months. This was it. I couldn't turn back. I'd heard it all before. "I'll stop...." This time the feeling was mutual at first. He later changed his mind so now the divorce is "my divorce" according to him. That's really just a side note. He tried to make promises, I saw a counselor and decided I was done. I purchased a crappy house that I've been working to repair and moved out. It wasn't about a nice house anymore, but a place to feel content and no longer angry all the time. There wasn't anything left to "buy" that would fix our problems, not a new house, a jet ski, a pool.....you get the picture.

Our divorce was final on Sept 7th. They told me I had 30 days to change my mind....I guess I only have about 5 days left now. My head knows that I have been miserable most of my life and it's time for a new beginning, but my heart still cries for the person that I loved for so long. As he says, "we grew up together". I still don't think he actually "grew up", but I know what he means....

I recently found out he is now "talking" to someone else. I was devastated and went a little psycho. Why do I care? That's a rhetorical question. I'm the one who went through with it and didn't want any more to do with him. Even today if we spend any time together, the old couple starts to creep out with a smart remark or criticism. I'm just so tired of crying about it all the time. Not only is the 30 day deadline looming (which I will not act on), but so is the 25 year anniversary. I leave for a work trip that evening and I'm afraid I may fall apart.

Just wanted to write in hopes that others out there understand what I'm going through....while I sleep better at night, the pain is unbelievable. Just when I thought it would stop....it starts all over.