Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group

I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...

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/ Divorce after Twenty years together Support Group

How could he?

mbstone
mbstone
My ex-husband asked if he could take my daughter for 5 days over the memorial day holiday. Of course I told him sure age would love that. He told me please don't say anything until he know for sure which I did as he asked. The very next day he told her they were goimg to south Missouri to camp and ride four wheelers. She was soooo excited and I was so excited for her as she loves it! He then called and told me he didn't have time to get things together and didn't have the money anyway. He had her stay all night last night and told her he would have to take her home by a 8 this morning. She precedes to tell me he was going on a canoeing trip and she coudnt go because there was drinking. Throughout my 20 year marriage. I was the one always staying home doing without fun and freedom to be there for my two kids. I am so crying upset that this selfish ass has no regard for his kids. The narcissistic bastard! Thanks for listening! Just soooo tired of doing the right thing and I always seem to be last. Oh well.........and so it goes!
KRKing911
KRKing911
What a f'n prick. pardon my french. But he is. I'm sorry honey...
Atpeacemary
Atpeacemary
I am just wondering if they all study the same manual. You continue being there for your children. (not his), They are smart to know what he is up to. As for daughter, the next time, I am sure she will not go. I am so sorry that you have to deal with this mess. But he is painting himself into a corner and when the time comes, he will reap what he sowed.
lycesq
lycesq
He's a jerk. Your children are lucky to have you. I'm so sorry he disappointed your daughter.
NannieBe
NannieBe
One word...

Selfish

The sad thing is your daughter was disapointed. So sorry she is hurt.

Hugs & More Hugs
ptownjohn
ptownjohn
It kills me that these dads don't realize what they are doing to their kids. I can tell you that I will not be that kind of dad. I am going to cherish the time I have with them. Because before you know it, they are 18 and living their own lives.

Its bad enough that I am getting divorced and going to put them through the pain of that (luckily, my stbx and I have agreed on 50/50 custody).. I am committed to doing everything I can to ease that pain and I will have as great a relationship as I possibly can with them. They don't deserve anything less.

Grr. I feel for you. I am sorry that your ex doesn't understand what he is doing to his daughter and how someday he'll wish for this time back. But that's on him. You keep doing everything you can to be there for your daughter. She'll love you for it.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Yep selfish A.....hole. I am in the middle of this kind of thing too- they really do hurt the kids and dont even have the forsight to realize the long term pain they are causing. Poor girl - my heart goes out to you.
So sorry- good thing she has a great mother!
Hugs
Cheryl
hurtinandhealin2560
hurtinandhealin2560
Wow, Dad of the Year material--NOT!

What a jerk!
iammine
iammine
I'm not sure the age of your daughter, but clearly she is old enough to understand that she got burned. Ouch! It is a very tough life lesson for her, but she will learn from it. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger, even as children!

You're a good mother, you were there to pick up the pieces..and you always will be right? She is a luck girl for having you, just remember THAT! Best,
Lori63
Lori63
What a jerk. With these guys, it is all about them. Actions speak louder than words, and kids will figure out who he really is. It is sad for them, but there is nothing we can do about it.
KRKing911
KRKing911
Yup - I don't get it - my youngest the other day burst into tears because she's so torn and feels like she means nothing to her father. She says that he's forgotten all about her and that she's no longer important in his life. He doesn't care about either of them anymore, is the way she feels. She says that he's been gone over a year and she sees him 1 hour every other week. She can't go to family functions because the OW will be there and he's not respecting my daughter's needs. she's just not ready to handle that yet. Sooo - my daughter just doesn't go.

She's trying to be ready - but she's just not and he just doesn't care - he thinks - if he waits long enough that my girls will get over it - but it's just the opposite - he's making them resent him more and more every time. Sad really - that he's too stupid to understand that. Idiot... whore means more than his kids.
kamary
kamary
Everyone who's kids are being treated badly, I'm so sorry. I don't understand how people can be so uncaring and inconsiderate towards their own children. The only thing I can think of to say, is that maybe it would be a good idea to get some counselling for your children so that they don't grow up believing they aren't worth anything. If they can understand that it's the fathers' choices, that his choices reflect the way he feels about himself, and not that they aren't worth anything, maybe they can still find their own places in this imperfect world.
Misred
Misred
Goodness.....I think my EX has a twin brother we didn't know about and you married him. Doesn't just irk you to death when they do it to your children? It's one thing to jerk us around but when they do it to the kids it makes you want to take their head off.

I'm sorry this is happening to the both of you. I know what it's like to plan around someone who is wishy washy and be disappointed. The only advice I have for you is probably something you already do and that is to be an example to your daughter by never saying you will do something unless it's a sure thing. She needs to know there is at least one person she can depend on. (((HUGS)))
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