One step at a time. You can't tackle all these problems at once. Stop and breathe. Then make a list of what needs to be done and decided. Then tackle one at a time. Some decisions are more pressing than others. But little by little, you will make it through this. And you are not alone. Ask for help when and where you can. Ask your sister to help because the more she helps you become independent - the sooner she can stop driving to the train station, which seems to be a concern for her. So sorry this day is like a tidal wave for you. :(

PU - so sorry to hear about how you are feeling today. I know it feels like you are back to square one. This is part of the healing process I am told. I know for myself when one thing goes wrong, I allow the others to pile on and before I know it I am feeling punched in the gut. Try some deep breathing and find any way you can to get your mind off your divorce papers. Put them away until you can settle your mind down.

I know from experience that making any big decisions when you are feeling as you are can only bring trouble. Emotions can cause us to make major changes that we regret later. Just take one thing at a time.

When you feel more in control of things, start taking care of things you can control - such as car insurance, plates and registration. Look online to find out how to do these things and make notes. Then when you are ready you will have the information you need.

Don't let your sister's comment bring you down. I am sure she is concerned about you and perhaps feels frustrated at the situation too. You are fortunate to be able to stay with her. Imagine how it would be right now if you were out on your own somewhere without that support.

I too had a hard time with job hunting. Part of my problem was I felt pressured by my financial situation, and mentally I just wasn't ready to work.

Just keep plugging away as best you can. And remember - don't use up today's energy worrying about tomorrow. One day at a time.

Love and hugs

I agree with what the others have said.

When you feel panicked, Stop. Sit or lie down if you can, and take those deep breaths. Take longer to breathe out than you do to breathe in. Concentrate on the breathing only. Keep doing this for at least 10 minutes every day. If thoughts intrude, look at them as if they are outside you, acknowledge them, and let them go on. Then resume your breathing.

You'd have to be a pretty hard person if those divorce papers didn't upset you. It's natural to cry and feel a bit scared, and it's ok to feel like that, too. When you allow yourself to feel those feelings, they will gradually diminish and you will gradually heal.

With the big decisions like whether to move to Florida, take a piece of paper, draw a line down the middle and write Pros on the left and Cons on the right at the top. Then start writing down the reasons to go, the reasons to stay.

With your sister, of course things must get a bit busy at times for her. Is there anything you can do to help free her up a bit? Or maybe offer her a break like offer to babysit while she goes for a hairdo or a manicure? Mums of young children don't get a minute to themselves, as a rule. Any time they get to themselves is treasured.

I will pray for an answer to your situation.

love and hugs
kamary

It's all been said.... make lists, work piecemeal on what you have control over, and practice good self care. It's a trying time, but it will pass. Once everything is sorted, I expect you, like I, will experience a great relief. I didn't want to be divorced, it still makes me sad, but I was tremendously relieved when it was all over. Take care.

Like everyone said, take a breathe and slow down. You don't have to make all of these life altering decisions right now. My counselor let me take my time in forming a new plan (ahhh, still working on it unfortunately) so I broke things down step by step, any time I thought of something I wrote it down and kept it with me at all times. It was very therapeutic having it down on paper so I could look it over when life got to be too much. It was also very rewarding to cross off things, one by one. They say you're not supposed to make any huge life altering decisions for a year after a divorce or major breakup. Don't feel the need to hurry this along. Slow down, take your time even though it's stressful to be living at your sisters, remember this is just a temporary stop. It's so nice you had somewhere to go, try and do something extra nice for her and gently remind her this situation is only temporary. You can come here to vent and cry, we got your back :)

Starting over sucks, not our choice but here we are. It gives me such comfort to know I'm not the only one going through this even though it makes me sad that there are so many of us struggling.

Hope your day gets better and sending you lots of hugs!

ps: I still remember the day I finally opened my divorce paperwork, it about killed me so I can relate to your sadness. I couldn't believe that our marriage had come down to names on a paper ending my happily ever after. It is a hard time for sure. I promise you though that these feelings will eventually even out and the good days will out weigh the bad. Be patient and gentle with yourself.

The first time you read the legal writing of a divorce is awful. I just did a few weeks ago and I felt a pain in my gut. But dreading to go to the mailbox was worse after my ex emailed me that the papers were coming. I can't believe it but it has helped me emotionally. It put absolute closure on my marriage. Even though I knew it was over and we were NC for 2 years the divorce decree made it final for me. I finally feel that I am becoming more emotionally detached from him. That is a good thing as you will see. Don't beat yourself up. It's so new for you and you are doing so well. And don't worry about car insurance, registration, etc. either. My husband gave me our old car and came to my daughter's (where I stayed about 8 months after being left with no home by my ex) and gave her the paperwork, title, etc. When he was leaving I asked why he didn't give it to me. He smirked as if I knew that he felt I was incapable of taking care of myself with help. I was so angry at him and his smugness that I have been so independent and totally self-sufficient ever since. That was the last day I saw him. He used to do mostly all of those things when we were married and mocked me that I would not be able to function without his help. Well I DID!!!!!

So you WILL too! Take on these new challenges and you will evolve into a new woman. You won't believe how capable you are. As far as a job consider all options and think about what would be best for you. You can always move to Raleigh, NC where I live :) Only kidding but there are so many wonderful possibilities for you. NY is expensive - I grew up in Brooklyn and then moved to Fla. It is a great place to live but nowhere is perfect. I am now very happy where I am and you will find somewhere that you like as well.

Will you miss your family and friends? I think it is important to live close enough to travel easily to see them but I don't know how you feel. Sometimes a new beginning is just what you need. You can always make new friends and visit others.

Tomorrow may be a different day in that you don't feel as worried and anxious. It is absolutely normal what you are going through. Just allow yourself to feel this way if it happens. It is a necessary step toward your overall healing. I wish you a better day tomorrow.

Hugs and love,
Donna

expect walls, they'll be coming for awhile
some will trip you, smash you, and very much faze you, some you'll hop over

you can handle all
you won't know how
but
you will

That feeling of being overwhelmed freezes you. You cant think clearly and fear seeps in. I suffered from this for the first 6 months or so of this 2nd divorce. I was very ill and just moved into my little fixer upper house. So much had to be done. I remember sitting in my basement on a 5 gallon bucket crying because that feeling of being overwhelmed was so strong I couldn't start anything. You cant finish anything until you start. Our dear friend here on DOT...CGK...took the time to talk me down. She taught me that if you look at everything that needs to be accomplished as a whole you become so overwhelmed you cant see where to start. She taught me to take just one job...break it down into steps...tackle one step at a time...with each step completed you start to see progress and a feeling of accomplishment. Pride of a job well done starts to motivate you and the feelings of being overwhelmed starts to disappear. Before you know it several jobs are done and you can look back and see your personal growth and accomplishment. To this day I use that advise and feel so proud of myself for all my accomplishments...I have kicked ass! You can too. Just take a deep breath...look at what needs to be done...break it down into steps...complete each step until that job is finished then move on to another. PU...you can do this...you are so much stronger than you think...Big Hugs...Kathy

thank you my dear friends at DS. You lift me up. I followed your advice and today I am better. I am compartmentalizing and breaking things into smaller pieces. this is good advice. So, today, I already completed the teach for America exam (2 hours!). Anyway, I did it. In a bit, I am going to tackle the car issue, which means googling then I am going to send out some more job applications.
Tommorrow, I will tackle how to upload my transcripts, which involves figuring out how to scan them onto my computer and pdf them. THIS is exactly a job my stbx would have helped me with, not to mention that I would have had access to our home office. I know once I accomplish this, I will feel better about doing it. The task isn't hard; it's just since this is not my home, I need permission and guidance.
Anyway, guys thank you. yesterday, I actually READ all 30 pages of the divorce settlement (how did I see through all those tears? it's a miracle, really.) Anyway, I did it. Thanks for your support; ;it means everything. Amazing how people I have never met have come to be my emotional lifeline.

I'm glad you're finding way through it, Pickingup. Don't forget too, that you're helping us in return, with your support, your courage, your thoughts, your attitude. Thanks to you too.

Well said, MNMama. We're all helping each other.

PU, so good to hear you're finding your way forward. 'One step at a time' may sound slow but once you're on a roll, those steps can happen in very quick succession.

Keep on stepping.

love and hugs
kamary