Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group

I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...

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nohappy 09/27/2011

first session with counselor in just couple of hours. Little nervous. It is the first one-on-one we've had. We (meaning ex and I) always went together. But i am going into it with positive thinking. Hoping to come out even more positive. He is a good counselor so I hope he can work his magic. I have been having good and bad moments. after last weeks text-a-thon (read other post under stuck in limbo) I have shown I mean business. And he knows it. I know that is his way of keeping in touch. Texting rather than talking. He's messed up. Such a child that runs from confrontation. He looks for those who will support him in his decisions. Those friends I dont need. You cant support an idiot who acts like a baby when things gets tough for him. My friends listen but know the final answer is mine. I dont admit to being perfect but I do admit to what i've done or said. I stand for whaty I say. Right now I want to stand strong.

Misred 09/27/2011

Hope it all goes well. Individual counseling is tough. Drums up a lot of feeling leaving one a bit beat up at the end of the day. Stick with it, it will help you in the long run.

trisha9054 09/27/2011

You sound so strong and focused. It's hard to imagine you are nervous. But I remember those first sessions with a counselor. You have suportive friends who let you make your own decisions. I like that you take responsibility for your words and actions. You seem so strong but I know about putting on an act until it becomes real.

I think you already know you will get out what you put into your counseling sessions. Like Misred says, stick with it. I still see my counselor and I'm four years post divorce.

CowgirlKathi 09/27/2011

I enjoyed being in therapy, but then again, I have always been interested in learning more about myself and how my mind works.

I do know that you only get out of it what you put into it. I would always leave my sessions wondering how I was going to have the energy to drive home (I drove close to an hour to see my therapist -- but it was well worth it). I think that when you are tired and worn out AFTER a session it shows that you are working very hard toward finding the answers inside yourself. So expect some mental and emotional fatigue and remember -- NO PAIN, NO GAIN!

hurtinandhealin2560 09/27/2011

I also looked forward to seeing my therapist--I knew working with her would get me to the other side of divorce and on to my better life. It was tough sometimes; she challenged me and I cried buckets, but I am so much stronger for having gone through it. She really helped me see my ex for the selfish, uncaring narcissist he is. She took off my rose-colored glasses and this helped me move forward.

The advantage you have is you already know the counselor.

Good luck. Hope all goes well. Hugs!!!

nohappy 09/27/2011

counseling session went great. I learned a lot about myself. Things I guess I always knew but never really had to face. The goods news is he thinks I have a great hand on this whole thing. A few tweeks here and a few tweeks there and I will get where I need to be. Biggest thing he said is I need to help me. I am always quick to help others but I put up a block inside when I need the same. And that biggest block is me. When my "down" moments come I have to let go and help myself get thru them.Once I manage that the rest will fall into place. He was impressed with what I have told ex and told me to stick to it. I am not the one who needs helps, its him.

CowgirlKathi 09/27/2011

Nohappy, I am so proud of you! And realizing that you need to PUT YOURSELF FIRST is a huge step forward. I hope that you will continue to work with this counselor as you go through the divorce process. This isn't something that just happens overnight and that one session will fix. Know that my thoughts and prayers are with you!

jaycpea 09/28/2011

Stay strong!

nohappy 09/28/2011

i work each day with a positive attitude. I am not giving him the power to bring me down, granted it isnt always easy. I do my breathing techniques the counselor showed me and I concentrate on ME. so far its working. praise the lord. I know he helps those who help themselves. now I finally get it. i was not helping myself. but I am now!

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