Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group
I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...
Hi all, I know it's been awhile since I posted but I have 2 jobs and have been sick for 2 months. I go to school every day and teach but it is a struggle. I had a bad sinus infection and bronchitis and am still coughing so my MD sent me for a chest X-ray on Thurs. Have to wait to hear on Monday the results due to Good Friday and everyone is closed. She thinks I may have pneumonia. Well, I felt bad not keeping in touch but I am have been in a funk lately but not from what I used get that way. Now, it is not so much grieving and sadness but a sense of loneliness. I miss that companionship and having someone to care about my day when I come home. I do have wonderful children and they call and see me all the time (and 3 grands) but it is not the same. I am the type of person who enjoyed being married. I don't necessarily want that but a loving relationship would be the thing to make me happy. On the other hand, I don't want to be one of those people who is only happy when they have a significant other. I have so much to be happy about already. But finding a guy who is right for me would be fantastic. I have dated (only 1 date each) but I never felt like I connected to anyone. I always find something not right about them. There was one guy who was very nice (went to dinner - saw him twice in Nov.) but I found a reason not to date him again and now I regret it. I found the silliest reason not to see him again. He texts me on occasion to wish me a happy holiday or tell me that his son went to the hospital for emergency surgery, etc. He texted that he had a great time with me and would have dated me again and again and that he has "forgotten most but not me". So 2 weeks ago I told him we could be friends and see where that goes if he is willing (after all I had told him that I was not interested in another date in Nov.) He texted back that he has started seeing someone else and can only be with one person at a time as he is honest and women don't like men to be friends with other women. I told him I wish him the best with her and he said "when it ends as it usually does he will take a rain check on dinner again." Now I find that he is all I am thinking about and how stupid I was to let such a great guy go or that I am now interested in him because he has someone else. But I did extend the invitation to get together again as friends before he told me about her. I find that good men seem to be hard to find and I am worried that I will be alone for the rest of my life. Knowing me that is not something I want. I wish I was like some of you and did not have the desire to date or have another relationship. Any advice?
Have a wonderful Easter,
Donna
Have a wonderful Easter,
Donna
You also sound like you are nursing a broken heart. I am sorry but it is a positive sign. I don't know if you see it BUT YOU CAN FEEL SOMETHING FOR SOMEONE ELSE. Wow. That's pretty amazing; don't know if I will ever get there. I think this is a positive step. I am sorry that the timing is wrong with this guy. Don't give up. I am always comforted by the saying: where you are today is not where you will be forever. No one knows the future, even you.
Take care. Happy Easter.
Sorry you've been ill. Hope the doctors got you sorted out today. Sending a prayer for healing your way.
You sure brought up some emotions I have around loneliness.... I loved being married, even after we were essentially living as room mates. Having someone with shared history is what I miss the most. We could hear a song, remember a joke, a place, and both could reminisce, be there, in that moment. I haven't got that with anyone any more.
It's not about needing a man to be complete, I don't. It's not about hating to be alone, again, I don't. It's not about needing to be part of a couple, it's about a loneliness due to being the only person in the room that remembers what I remember, that shared what I shared, knows what I know.
I'm trying to stay open to the possibility of finding someone to begin building memories with again. I have to say I don't believe it will happen. I'm old, overweight, droopy and wrinkled. That and I'm not wealthy. No bait to bring fish in, much less to see if they're keepers or not! LOL.
But, in spite of not expecting any new connections, I'm trying to keep my heart and mind open and soft. It would be so easy to build the safety cage, reinforce the armor.... Sing Simon and Garfunkel's "I Am a Rock" here.... but I don't want to become guarded and bitter. I don't want to be closed to the possibility of love and joy, even if I expect never to feel it again, I would be sad to know "not expecting" would be changed to NEVER.
Good for you for re-opening the door. Even if you don't hear from your November friend again, you've learned a lesson for your new friends coming down the road.
Hope you had a blessed Easter and feel better very soon.
My Picker needs to get fixed first and
I need to be emotionally healed to even
begin To trust again on that level again.
I hope when and if it happens every
Thing will fall into Place smoothly:)
((((( hugs)))))
The other guy was brought to my house by the above guy as we were going through the same thing and he thought he would match us up! Same thing happened, too friendly too fast.
I think I am getting better at seeing the red flags. I am in a place where I miss the companionship of someone here but not enough to give up on the gains I have made on my own. I have a great support system in place and I am happy where I am on my own for the first time in my life.