Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group

I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...

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/ Divorce after Twenty years together Support Group

He won't cooperate

Chrissy614
Chrissy614
My X will not cooperate where our QDRO for the 401K is concerned. We opted to handle it ourselves to avoid more lawyer fees and he's being a pissant and not answering my texts or emails.

I am about to start calling his girlfriend and telling her to have him call me. That'll get his attention.

It has already been drafted, my lawyer has approved it; I'm just waiting to find out if his lawyer has approved it and he won't answer me.

Petty, immature games. I just wish the man would grow up and handle this like the adult he's supposed to be.

What a jerk.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Wasn't everything decided in your divorce about how it was split? If it was decided by a judge, just send it in to whoever is doing it. You'll need a copy of your divorce for the person doing it. I got lucky. My brother is qualified to do it. I sent ex an email and asked him if he had a problem with my brother doing it for free. He didn't.

I haven't done this yet either but we all have to make new wills. Right now my ex would get everything if I died. His name is still on life insurance etc.

Send him a certified letter saying so and so is doing the division of the QRDO and 401K. You need to pay x to so and so. If there is a problem with this, send me a letter by certified mail by x date. That might get him moving. I'd leave the OW out of it. I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of acknowledging her. She's not worth your time.

Yes, he's a jerk.

Hugs.
CowgirlKathi
CowgirlKathi
It is my understanding that a QDRO must be worded just so and that it is then handled by the courts and the administrators where the funds are held. Nevertheless, my X dragged his feet on THAT, TOO...no big surprise...and then there was the stock split that I was entitled to half of the value when it matured the following January. Another pissing match which he finally gave in and sent me my 50% but I had to get my attorney to send him a terse, one paragraph email to get it.
They are just asses, that's all there is to it.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Boo to him! I guess you cannot trust him to help save lawyers fees because he takes advantage. Lesson learned.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Have you heard anything yet?
MsTerey
MsTerey
QDRO's are handled by an outside firm, because lawyers are not CPA's. AND they do not want to run the risk of being sued if it is not right.. the two lawyers agreed on a consultant firm to do, approved by the judge.

DO not call him or his girlfriend. I was divorced in April, it took until November for me to get the last of the 3 Qualified Domestic Relation Orders. IT takes time, the administrator handling it will contact you. BE productive and call him, not the ex. Do not be surprized if the ex says it is out of my hands, you do not get it dummy, I have no control over my money.. I know, because that is what my ex said to me.. SO be patient. This takes a long time. You will get instructions and information..
MsTerey
MsTerey
sorry, I meant call the firm doing the division, DO NOT CALL HIM..
CowgirlKathi
CowgirlKathi
I can vouch for the QDRO to take some time to get into place. Don't worry, though, the funds aren't going anywhere in the meantime. And please, do not call the girlfriend. That only would show that you acknowledge her and you don't want anything to do with her -- or him, for that matter.