Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group

I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...

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/ Divorce after Twenty years together Support Group

He went on a cruise

mbstone
mbstone
It has been awhile since I have posted but those who remember knows I was married for 20 years o a man who slept with his cousin's wife. I divorced him 6 years ago and am doing my best to raise my 15 year old daughter and I still have my 21year old son at home while he attends college. Their dad has refused to help pay for ollege tuition, books, anything extra. He has emancipated my son and child support has been cut in half this past week. Taking him to court for 5 contempts of court for not complying with the divorce decree. I found out that he took his girlfriend ( 11th one in 6 years ) on. Cruise. Never once did he take me on a get away weekend let lone a cruise. Always told me it was "horse shit". I continue to sit at home with my kids while he plays house with no regard for any of us. I don't want him back but I am devastated that I wasn't good enough to be made a priority. I just want to crawl in a hole and cry. I have a great job and am doing ok for myself. Any words of advice to get through this slap in the face I would appreciate it.
sciteacher
sciteacher
I know you are feeling horrible but he does not sound worthy of you. He has not put you or your son ahead of himself at all. The fact that he has so many girlfriends means that he is not a happy person and that he is incapable of a good relationship. Perhaps they realized how selfish he was. This will hurt for awhile I'm sure but once the shock and pain subside you will continue to do well as you have been doing. The advice everyone on here has given me is to cry and seek support from others. So go ahead and cry and then you will feel better. Go out with a friend this weekend and vent to your friend. And never think you weren't good enough to be his priority - HE is his only priority. You are lucky not to have him in your life now. You didn't need him - you raised your children mostly by yourself and did a good job. Your son is in college and your children are with you. Try to remember why you divorced him. Good luck and feel better!
Hugs,
Donna
Misred
Misred
I know how badly this hurts you. Just keep doing what's right by your kids and you will be rewarded. What a jerk. His GF probably paid for it. What a jerk! (((HUGS)))
iammine
iammine
What a jerk and a LOSER your ex is! You're not going to go in any hole and cry sister! You're going to take his lousy arse to court and make him accountable for his responsibilities! Good for you!

His bevy of girlfriends is extremely revealing about his character....I doubt he has a friend or family member in the world who has an ounce of respect for him! Gee, I wonder who will be alone and lonely when he's an old man?!

He can run - or cruise - from his responsibilities as fast and as hard as he can, but he can't run away from himself. And that's what he's REALLY trying to do. Pathetic. CONGRATULATIONS on your emancipation from being married to THAT!

You have a good job and are raising two fine children. YOU ROCK! I'm only sorry that your kids have such a loser of a father :(

Good luck in court hon!
dairytech
dairytech
Hugs mbstone...let it go...instead...drag his sorry ass into court. He's not a prize and never was. Let her or them have him...you deserve so much better. What kind of man could turn his back on his own kids...this is why he's had 11 GF in 6 years...they too see him for what he truly is...Big Hugs...Kathy
Timeman
Timeman
You wouldn't want to be with him as he is now anyway .........
A complete loser .... Someday he will have to pay for his bad deeds .............
God Bless you for being a good mother .
My brother years ago came home one night to find his wife swimming in the neighbors pool (With him !) ...........Nude .. Needless to say they got divorced and had three young children . He supported and loved his children always. Almost every week end they would stay with him . If he met some girl that didn't like the kids or treated them wrong .... OUT THEY WENT ! . Now many years later the kids are grown up .. 20's /30's . they help him and are by his side constantly. Never did I see more love for a parent then they have for him ... He had an operation yesterday and they are by his side day and night . (I can't go he's in another sate ) What I'm saying to you is ..................GOOD FOR YOU for staying with your children.
You'll be happy that you did someday ............
Timeman
Atpeacemary
Atpeacemary
Just hugs, my friend. He will pay for his actions. Big time. Just hold that head up high and smile. You have everything that money cannot buy. His guillty conscience is eating him up. Wow, 1 girlfriend every six months. Is he trying to win a gold medal for stupidity.
tobywinn
tobywinn
11 girlfriends, wow! And you want to think you wasn't special enough that he never treated you special? Honey, he's been rejected and thrown back in the ocean 11 times!!! Ever think why? Certainly not because he treats his lady SPECIAL but rather he mistreats them all the same [like horseshit]. The lady is required to put out the booty [we know how long that last] for going on as cruise partying with this desperate man seeking validations who obviously has no intentions of being long term. That speaks volume to my ears. You're learning , his validations are expensive!!!
KRKing911
KRKing911
Yes, it sucks – but it’s just a testament to how much better off you are. It’s not you honey – it’s him. He’s the one who’s horseshit. You are doing all the things that show integrity and morals. You should be proud of yourself, not hurt. What your feeling right now is coming from the place of ego. Ego sucks. Step back and you’ll see how much more you have with what you have in your life right now – There will be time for cruises… Oh, and btw, they are great to go on with girlfriends. Don’t have to be couples.

You are worth it and you don’t need any man to give that to you, even though it would be nice. Concentrate on what’s going on now, and what you are doing to empower your future!

You are excellent!!!
hurtinandhealin2560
hurtinandhealin2560
Sending a much needed hug. Just remember--he has been rejected 11 times--he's no prize.

I know this kind of thing hurts, but you know what--there is nothing stopping you from going on a cruise one day. The best revenge is living well. You are a great mom and your kids know this and that's worth a thousand cruises.
mbstone
mbstone
Thank you to each of you for your words of encouragement. That dude never ceases to amaze me. I know I am much better off without him. Just hate this for my kids. Hate wasting 20 years of my life with someone who never valued me as a wife and mother of his two kids. We were burdens to him. Each of you give me a new perspective to look at things on here! Thank you for that. Just wonder how someone who has lived a good, morale and Godly life ended up with a piece of crap. Ugh! On to better things in life. Hugs to each of you. You are appreciated!
lori47
lori47
Sorry to hear this. I had to deal with this same issue last September. I used to beg him to take me on a cruise and he refused. Then took OW on a cruise to Bahamas..same cruise I begged to go on. Even when our head tells us they are not worth it, it still hurts. Hugs
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am so sorry .

What struck mi heart maybe the worst is how he "disowned" his son and the other children.

I am headed for a divorce (not sure yet) one of my biggest fears is he will ignore his son, who is going to lose his state job end of next month and struggles with depression.

And I understand your hurt. We have been together 28 or 29 years. I think he just fell out of love with me. He has been offered a job out of state and has taken it. I do not know for sure if it will materialize but I pray it does. Then it will be easier.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I understand that his gallivanting with other women and spending money that should be better spent on HIS children would anger you, me, and anyone else for that matter, but for your sake and for your spiritual health do not spend much of your time consumed by whom he dates and what he does. At this point you are aware of what hos contribution is and his lifestyle with other women, so why allow this idiot...cliché the power to continue to fill you with anger and pain. Think of your children and your accomplishment in raising them, and think about the joy they bring you without the added drama of the cliché. Start doing for you and pampering yourself. Why do we always leave it up to that other person. I know I have done so myself. Reward yourself and feel good. I think this helps to move forward for your sake...its for you only. By no means is it about excusing him from meeting his obligations to the children.
Peaces
Peaces
mb - I so relate to this.

My ex wouldnt even take me to the damned movies - when we divorced he took his NOW WIFE but then gf less than a yr to Italy. I had residential custody of the kids - but 50/50 visitation which was open door as per my insistence. I was never invited in to his new home.

I effing hate him.

Like you - I was devastated and still am at what he has done for her in comparison. I did the work of raising the kids and helping him to grow his career - I got left broke, kidless and a lifetime of crap in my pocket.

It is horse shit

I was a good mom when I was married to him until I couldnt take anymore of 8 yrs marriage therapy where I always showed up but he was only there twice -

hang in there.
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