Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group

I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...

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Chrissy614 10/07/2008

Well, my son called my stbx today and asked him what's up with no money for food. H replied it's tight this paycheck - he can give us some but not enough. Stbx started to tell our son that I promised to work 6 days a week if I had to in order to help with the condo and utilities - well he's not happy that I haven't found a more permanent job and he feels he's gone above and beyond. How can you go above and beyond taking care of your family?

My son then told the stbx that I am working 2 jobs 5 days a week and I'm going through alot right now. The stbx replied I know what she's going through (don't know what that meant). Jesse then told him, we're doing the best we can.

Then my stbx told him I need to talk to your mom anyway. I planned on calling her tomorrow. He's also planning on talking to his friend Mike either tomorror or Wednesday too. I opted to stay out of that - just taking a wait and see what happens approach.

I have no idea what's coming next. Maybe he's ready to finalize our agreement. I'm a little nervous. I would rather have not known that he was going to call. I'll be thinking of it all night and day until he calls.

I'll keep you all posted.

pemdcat 10/07/2008

Well I don't know how many days a week you worked before the start of this but in Ohio it is a 50-50 split of how it was for the last 3 years or so. that way no one party can drop income just to save mainenance or assettes. A tight pay check ..UH hello...does he think you are working making a zillion dollars a week.....DUH...and hes not happy that you aren't working 6 days a week Is he? Lawyer up as the others say.....don't take the crap anymore....sorry when someone shirks their kids then it pisses me off a little.....it is one thing to DIS your spouse but to not have your childrens best interest at heart....GRRRRRRR....AJJ

deleted_user 10/07/2008

Chrissy - I wish you would just get an attorney and not play games with this guy. I have a feeling that you'll end up doing that anyway. Things are "tight" for him? Does he have any idea how tight it is when you have children to take care of? Let's see - he left - says he's not having an affair, just talking to a co-worker (oh, yeh) - and can't give you money for food because things are tight? Does he eat! Don't go begging for the right to eat. Get an attorney and shake him off. Oh... I'd like to meet him for a few........

I'm hoping that you get your agreement finalized.. If he doesn't call you - you call him. He did this to you - don't wait around for him to make the moves - you push forward. LOL

KatieBee 10/07/2008

OH Chrissy - please, please please call an attorney. He is playing with you like a mouse and a cat. and you're letting him get away with it. If there are marital assets, an attorney might take you on if you agree that the attorney gets paid after the divorce. I had to put down $500.00, but my family had to help me with that as I didn't even have that. Think - who can lend or would give you some money to get you out of this horrid situation? I know you have friends and family - go grovel. I bet they have been begging you to divorce this guy for years - so ask em to put their money where their mouth is! Please get some help by hook or crook - legal aid if need be. and read read read about what you are entitled to - on the internet - from the library, I made so many mistakes - don't you do it! This guy is manipulative, and evil - don't let him do it any more! Do you have any of his credit card numbers still? Use that for the lawyer. Anything!

I;'ll call later.

Kate

deleted_user 10/07/2008

Chrissy: I think you should talk to a lawyer too. I also got great advice from a therapist who was also a divorce mediator. She told me what was fair in my state. My stbx's first offer to me was pathetic. I thought I was going to have a heart attack when I saw it. I countered with a equal and equitable offer. His counter got worse. The judge for the most part sided with me.

He dropped his income by 1/3 + while he was planning the divorce. The judge is letting him get away with it. I showed our last 5 years of tax returns and she wants to give him the benefit of the doubt. I will now have to see tax returns each year for life and that is how we will figure out my maintenance.

Anyway this mediator tells me what to dig my heals in on. You really need professional advice. Don't trust him on anything. You're having trouble buying food and you think he will ever be fair? He won't.

Hugs to you. I know you're very nervous.

deleted_user 10/07/2008

Have you heard anything more?

deleted_user 10/07/2008

You need a lawyer. Please listen to what everyone is saying. You are a worthy person. Stand up to this bully. For yourself. For your kids.

deleted_user 10/07/2008

You should be able to get tempory family support. If you go talk to a lawyer they can get that set up for you. You and your kids should not have to ask him for help. He should just be paying it.

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