Honey, you are NOT a LOSER! The OW is the biggest loser -- Sure, "she gets a BMW" but she's also getting a lying, cheating, emotionally abusive assclown who will, in time, treat her in the same shoddy way as he treated you.

A leopard doesn't change his spots. You keep that in mind. And ANYONE can LEASE an expensive car if they can keep up the payments. Hell, I could lease a Maserati if I wanted to, but I'm not into the illusion of material wealth.

Trust me, his whole world is nothing but an ILLUSION at this point. His day will come. But in the meantime, you MUST keep the FOCUS ON YOU and you'll get to the point where when you hear this kind of crap about him, you will just shake your head and laugh. Trust me on this!

Big squeezy hugs to you, my dear. xoxo

It's another ding at me Kathi. He didn't want to disclose his new address; he wanted to give a PO Box. Made me feel so bad. I don't know how to explain how I felt when first the BMW then the refusal to disclose his address. Followed with the I need this done as soon as possible. I don't understand why it is necessary to be like this. Why is he acting so secretive? He got everything he wanted. We have already agreed to the settlement. I feel so used. It really is so nasty. it's like you just don't count. Today was a wasted day that I can't afford to lose. I did no work on my dissertation. couldn't function after I learned this. I know I shouldn't let this get to me. But the money was a big factor in our supposedly problems. Clearly he is a liar. He just cheated, found another woman and used any excuse to make me feel better. This hurts. Today is a bad day. I am just trying to get through today. To know, this man cared so little for me is devastating. He is doing so much better than I thought; it's just confirmation of everything he said about me, that I am holding him back and I will always be a mess. I am broken right now.

I agree when you are in it its so hard to detach and stay sane.

Post divorce and no contact is much better. I would not wish
Divorce on anyone. What nastiness, its all about the money.

I loved divorce care it really helped, still does just having the live
support from people going thru the same thing. They are religious
Yet do not push.

{{{{{{{ hugs }}}}}}

Picking up do not think like that. Divorce is bad, they
Get real nasty, try not to take it personal. I had a good
Divorce lawyer who watched out for me. My ex was a
Total jerk he was like somebody i never knew existed.

He said oh we will be fair yeah right, my lawyer played
Hardball. I was the wild card to be used and abused.
That what the statergy was for me being the sucker.

He still got all his possessions and debt, he still owes
Me more or we sell in two years. Its his business based
property.

{{{{{ hugs}}}}}

Picking up,

Cowgirlkathi is right on. Who cares what possessions that he has, he is still himself on the inside.

I know the feeling as I am in the same boat. I am sure stbx friends & family will say look how much better he is doing without, as he put it, having the "leach" around. Funny how he forgets that when we first started dating & until our first daughter was two years old, that I made way more $ than him. Did I ever bring it up or call him a leach? No, I thought that we were a team. And I only quit my good job to stay home & raise my daughter as family could no longer take care of her due to health reasons. I worked 34 years out of the 40 that we have been together yet he asks as if I never worked.

When the honeymoon phase is over, the true colors will show through and the OW will see that he/they are no superman, actually just the opposite. The best revenge is to let her have him & smile! :)

Just look forward to the peace that you will have once it is final. The longer the no contact the more that reality will set in an really how bad of a person they were for leaving the marriage the way that they did. After all of that time involved in the marriage at least "Man Up" & tell the truth. They stopped working on the marriage because the OW was involved.

We deserve much better. Let him have his BMW, you have your sanity! :) Peace my friend. Thoughts & prayers, TCB

I hate word correct; he acts - not he asks. :)

We will get through this together! We deserve better. These "dings", in the future,will help you to move forward as you think about what a jerk he really is!

Thoughts & prayers, TCB

Do you have any support groups that
You belong to. I found i learned fast
How to reach out for live support. I got
Almost frantic, stressed and crazy at
The same time. It was awful time.

He's a liar and a cheat, that's why he doesn't want to disclose what he has been up to. Liars and cheats, thieves, addicts and narcissists cringe when their lives, choices and behaviors are pulled into the light of day. Even they, deep in their denial, see how sordid and dirty their choices are, and are reluctant to have others see what they have been up to. Remember, they depend on lies and deceit to let them think that others hold them in esteem. When their grubby behavior comes to light, others can see them as they are, and they know it. Shame is a punishment onto itself.

So sorry, I know each of these things cuts a little deeper, but try to keep the focus on you. You can hold up your head, you can choose to live in the light, you've made good choices, grown stronger, and will be able to grow into wisdom and compassion based on your experiences. Yes, it hurts, but you will come through to better days and live knowing you are a good person. Pity those that can't.

He's such a coward and a liar. I remember all of the reasons he gave for leaving me. At the end of the day I guess all he wanted was the OW. I guess he's willing to go to any lengths to get her. An old Saturn was not good enough for her, so he got a BMW. Men do things to make the women they love happy. Just like he had me sitting on a curb for 2 hours and didn't care but rushed over the George Washington bridge to console her. He didn't care about me. he had no decency towards me, the wife of 22 years. I was left sitting, waiting until he was able to bother.
It's the disrespect and to my core, I am treated as if I never mattered. How can that man drive around in a BMW when our first car had 180K miles in it. He's now in a BMW with a woman who DID nothing to contribute to it. It was me, that was my sweat and tears and sacrifice. Just when he can afford a BMW, he's gone. A nobody, a person who did nothing towards getting it, now has it.
It's not the BMW. I don't care about material things. The BMW wouldn't make me happy or sad. I don't need it. It's the DISRESPECT. Did he look over at that woman sitting in the passenger seat and just for a second think, wow, the woman he made this happen isn't here. I know he didn't. It is what it is. It's my life now. I take it. One day, it wont matter. Just wish I can get to the stage where this man can't hurt me anymore. He's just done enough.

They keep on giving disrespect till its over, i went thru h**l
With my ex. Thank God for no contact and moving.

Who was this guy. He had to disrespect Me so he could
cheat, betray, dishonor me and feel righteous about it.

Hugs

My ex always drove old beat up cars, didn't own anything in his name and seemed content with that life style. while we were married, I worked full time, bought a house for us and got in debt trying to pay our household bills and drove a paid off car. He left and now drives a nice truck and car, lives rent free in his now deceased moms house and has NO obligations. I know life isn't fair but gosh, I'm tired of living pay check to pay check...I need a break!!!!
I agree it's not the material things we get upset about, it's the unfairness of being rejected and abandoned when we would have done anything for them. I'm sorry you're having a bad day, I hope things look a little brighter tomorrow. You are far better than your stbx, don't let him get to you, their ugliness and lies will catch up to them, we have to remember we will be better off without them, we so deserve better and have faith better will come. Hugs and hang in there!!!

I agree with the others, PU. He's hiding his actions unless he is forced to reveal them. My ex also treated me with great disrespect and forgot about all the years we had nothing, when I would do the bookwork and some part-time jobs, and raise the kids by myself while he put in the long hours at work that he chose to do, when he would come to me for support when he was worried about his job or money, the times I helped him through depression and never asked for more.

They know what we did for them, PU. Have no doubt that it plays on their minds and it is guilt that makes them disrespect us. They're trying to blame us so that they can feel better, especially so that they can tell their 'friends' it's not their fault.

We know different. We know how disrespectful and selfish they really are. We also know that one day, when the honeymoon period is over, he will reveal his true self, and suddenly his life will not be so rosy. I can tell you this because of things I am hearing about my ex and the ow now that enough years have passed. Believe me, his life is not as rosy as he wants you to believe, and you are not the reason he cheated. The problem is inside him. There is something wrong with his right/wrong meter.

My ex even found a way to disrespect me in front of other people at his mother's funeral!! The way he did it, he also disrespected the ow!! She called him on it on the spot, and I know that did not go down well with her.

I know it's hard because it hurts so much. We never expected the man we loved and gave our all to, would treat us this way. I know I had my ex on a pedestal so high, he probably needed an oxygen mask!! I didn't want to see all the red flags. I didn't want to believe that he was not the wonderful guy I thought he was. My acceptance came hard, and it didn't come until twenty years past an affair he had in 1988! Even then, it wasn't until he told lies to my kids about me, trying to turn them against me, that the penny finally dropped. He did not care about me. In fact, he wanted to hurt me so badly, he would use our kids as weapons. He doesn't care about them either! He only cares about getting what he wants. I feel sorry for the ow, I tell you.

Take heart that you really are in a much better place without a man like your ex. You deserve so much better.

love and hugs
kamary

I see this rather as an "expense" issue your stbx could try to claim! Hopefully not. As long as your mediator is NOT including this newly acquired auto expense as part of the mediation of marital debt, then your ex's affordability for any vehicle shouldn't be a problem and not be a factor.

Just hugs, everyone has said it so well. Their current flavour of the month will wake up and see them as they really are. My ex is now living with his mother. As she was the cause of it all.

I know those crazy feelings.... my ex has since married his 30 yr old bartender (with 3 children).... they continue to dish out the "crazy" crap.... the disrespect is an attempt to justify his actions. It hurt until I finally processed all my emotions and looked objectively at the situation. Once I decided that the guy he is now is NOT the man I married NOR is he a person with whom I would want to spend my life, it got MUCH easier!!!
You will get there!!! It will take time and there will be days and jabs that are worse than others... remember he knows you very well and knows exactly how to attack the "chink in your armor".... just keep on going!!!