Can't .. Here's the kick in the pants. Though I really think it's something we all feel at times. Just all at the feelings accept where they are coming from then go on with your life. We know that we want our kids dads in their lives but it still hurts when the other parent has done so little yet the kids stay in contact. My ex talks to two of the three kids and they are all his. He doesn't talk with the oldest because she is willing to tel him like it is. So I get upset when youngest is with him and get upset that he doesn't try to fix the estrangement with the oldest.

Each of our kids have their own unique personalities and we have to accept this. She knows you are the parent there for her. Hug yourself and have fun with the family today!!

As your request, here's another kick in the pants.

You've got your girl visiting and after she steps in the door, you want to dawn on the " pity poor me " because.. ...it is the best tactic to get her attention. Sorry my dear, it's the WRONG kind of attention. How about flipping this self sacrificial talk of her need to foster relations with her dad to instead, be focused on your behalf. This is not so selfish as you might think. Maybe learning how to fin yourself is needed. Seems those who are persistant get what they ask for !!!!

Thanks Toby, no it was not after she steps in the door. and No, she doesn't know I am having a hard time and never will. I don't need to get her attention, I have it. I NEVER play the pity card in front of my kids. I have been FULLY supportive of them having a relationship with him and they would be the first to tell you; so would all of my friends. And I totally have learned to fend for myself, I have been doing so for over 2 years now. Having a pity party over the fact that I feel like I have less than what I would like to give doesn't mean that I don't have her attention, or that I don't want her to have a relationship with her dad. But thanks for the kick in the pants.

I understand cantstay, it is hard and i think it would not be human to not have a pity party over these things now and then, you sound like you are handling everything with a great deal of grace!
Even tho I know full well it is better for my adult children to have a good relationship with their father I wont say it never hurts just a bit.

Your doing fantastic!

Have your 10 minute pity party and then move on. Who is perfect, not me. I think we can Feel as petty, angry, hurt or selfish as needed, but then behave in a way that is best for us.IMHO

I agree it's a normal reaction. Odd pity parties are ok. I also think you're doing really well.

love and hugs
kamary

You don't need a kick in the pants. What you need are love, compassion, and a little help seeing that material things will never be as important to your children as the love, support, and encouragement they get from you as Mom. In that regard, you are rich beyond measure. Your children will feel extraordinarily lucky to have you as their Mom. As they get older, they will cherish the memories made with you, dog hair and all. They will not remember your 2 bedroom apartment. Instead, they will remember how it felt to be loved, adored, and wanted. Those are the things you take with you. Nothing else really matters.

Keep doing exactly what you are doing. Your children are fortunate, indeed.

Kind regards,
Kim

(((HUGS))) Sorry dear

Hey, you are doing great. Just as others said, have your party and then move on. Next please. We are human and as such have our ups and downs too. He is not a happy camper, but you are. So smile and be happy Our best revenge.

Pity parties are okay temporarily. You are human! It's over, and move on to being the great mom you have been all along. They know who they can count on. Trust me!

Hugs Cant...it truly is hard working through all the emotions an unwanted divorce brings. It seems those who initiate the divorce dont seem to suffer quite the same emotions as we do...although they have there fair share of other emotions to work through...equally as tough...guilt being just one.

I only have my own experience to go by and now 4 years later...looking back...I have a clearer picture of why I went through similar feelings and still do but to a much lesser degree.

For me...he divorced me twice. Both divorces had a 3rd party involved. The second time I was very ill and couldnt even support myself. I couldnt see properly and my physical strength was zero. My kids saw what he had done...they knew I was ill but still wanted a relationship with him...it pissed me off. I knew logically it was the right thing...but emotionally...I wanted them to hate him and never see him again. They were angry at first...but as time wore on...that dissipated and there love for him shone through. I was torn between both sets of emotions and jealous of there wanting a relationship with him. What was worse is...their acceptance of her. They go and visit them in my old home...the one he wouldnt have if it wasnt for my credit..it really sucks....and all she had to do is move in and park her ass in the home I worked so hard to bring to life...aarrgg. But...at the end of the day...they love there dad regardless of who he has become and what he did to me. Although my kids are adults...they have no way of understanding the depth of emotions I felt...they simply do not have that experience under there belts...you can not plant experience onto young shoulders.

Cant...you are actually doing really well. You understand these are your emotions and you are owning them. You are questioning your motives and looking for answers. When you get sick and tired of feeling the way you so...you will choose a different way of viewing the situation. You will realize how far you have come and although materially you have less...you have so much more in areas that really count...you can not put a value on integrity. I learned this...when it really matters...my kids come to me...when they think of family and family unit...its me they think of. To my kids...I am the head of our family. No money in the world can buy you that..it is something that is earned and valued by all...even our ex's who live in big houses...Big Hugs...Kathy

Hugs Cant.

Hello,
Pity parties . Never looked at things in that way.
Many times I felt hurt by my sons decisions dealing with me and the x.
Seems like I always got the raw end .
My x sees the kids all the time and me ........... ha !
Before I got remarried he knew I was all by myself ... you would think
that he would visit me more ..or bring the grandchildren here ......... Nope ....never happened .
How about having a birthday party for me with the Grand children !!! HA.... Never happened .
But anyway, You have a right to feel like you do ....... It will pass.
Just grin and bare it ..that's what I did (Do) for the last 7 years .

unfortunately and sadly , ,,,,,,,, I got use to it .......... I learned to live with it ...
Hey, no matter what , she is your daughter and she loves you .
You see ,,,,,,,,,,,,, don't expect anyone out side this forum to understand your feelings .
And that goes for family too..... My son .. your daughter ............. They just don't know and we hope that they never will......... Never will go through what we have been through.... I hope not .
So,, God Bless................. take care .
Timeman

Well I guess we're not the "adults" we used to be. We are a bit "needy" at times but understandably so after what we've been through. You know that it will pass and you know that you are being unreasonable and we know that we aren't much better at times. It seems to be a part of the wretched journey. Hurt runs deep and most of us here have no one to lean on, to comfort us and to share with.

Just you enjoy her while she's here - I'm sure you will. By the way, I'm sure it's not about the house. Happiness is not about what you have in the material sense.