It must be really tough to be living in the same house with stbx. I'm sure things will get better once you get out of there. Can you wrap up in a blanket and go hang out with a book in a quiet corner? {{{hugs}}}

I've got the heat up to 78. Been on the phone with a friend for the past two hours to get away from him. Yes, creekside I go in my room and read often. You're also right about things getting better for me once I get out of here. Thank you for replying back to me.

I couldn't imagine having to still live with the stbx while getting a divorce. It must be very very hard to do. Hang in there. It will get better once you can move.

I think what stands out in your post that the divorce will be "quick and easy", no divorce is either, especially a long term marriage of over 20 years, and that may be part of it for you, this moves fast. No matter what you will need time to work through all of it. You are struggling and you may like many in this part, have some unresolved anger, and rightly so. I think that you are doing well, I would have signed for he fed ex and then ripped it up and tossed it.. and that is passive agressive! Believe me I wouldn't be so nice!

Do what you can to hang in there in the house, don't let him make you retreat. This gets better, it is all about you and how you move yourlife and live well. Phone friends, nuturing yourself and taking care of yourself is it. Best to you!

Put your hard-hat on, put on your ear plugs, tape your lips shut, and tie your hands. Avoid any of his passive aggressive intentions to get you frustrated. Do a modified "No contact" while even in the house. Do not let him trick you into any emotional ploy for confrontations which could possibly be used against you in court..... calling it harassment. Even if he begs you to smack him one, don't do it. Don't react. Act like he doesn't exist.

You don't any scenes like the movie "War of the Roses" where a couple whose marriage has fallen apart, but neither is willing to move out of the home they share.

I agree that your situation - being in the same house has to be challenging under the circumstances. Having outside support will be essential. My husband was and is passive aggressive and I know I still receive the expected surprises that shouldn't happen if he had a healthy outlook and actions. Like Ms. Teri - I don't see myself passing on a package from the OW gracefully.

Be strong. Given your stbx is passive aggressive- make sure you have a good handle on all the marital assets and records ASAP. Read through all documents (and maybe even someone else too) before signing and mailing in taxes. Mine was fussy about taxes last year - and come to find out about it added in information on unemployment compensation he received (and the kids and I didn't know about or receive support from). I guess caution is the word.

Do something nice for yourself today!

I thought the package was from my brother inlaw so I accidently signed for it. I'm not vendictive so I gave him the stupid thing. Karma is a bitch and I know down the road his fantasy with this woman is going to blow in his face and when it does, I won't be here to rescue him like I have done many, many,times in the past. We are living in a small two bedroom apartment that I could care less about staying in. I'm taking care of the taxes so they get done properly. He's useless in those type of things. I've already recieved the money I need to move from him and have stipulated what eles he owes me in the divorce papers. We don't need to go to court.

Thank you all for supporting me through this.

Lauren,

Good luck to you. It is a tough situation, but it sounds like you are taking the high road and trying to avoid geting tangled up in fighting with him. I wish you the best, and hope the divorce goes quickly.

Hi Lauren..I know exactly how you feel. I lived in the same house as my ex from Feb until mid Sept...it was hell. My only advise to you is...stay focused and build a wall between him and you. My experience was...he will do all kinds of things to hurt you purposefully. Its harsh and its cruel. He wants his space to do the things he wants to do at the expense of you. Dont let him do that. Dont let him have anymore of you...not one second more. When you are able to move out...it will be over. Then do the no contact thing. That really works! I have not looked back since... Big Hugs...Kathy

If your divorce is final BEFORE JANUARY 31, 2009 you will no longer be married -- you are either SINGLE or MARRIED depending on your marital status as of the last day of the year. I would suggest that you call an accountant TODAY because you COULD be sitting around waiting to do something that isn't necessary!

I understand the issues you face living with someone who is passive aggressive. No matter what your reasoning is, they will make you second guess yourself again and again. I also understand the emotions you face in a "quick divorce". Once you are moved and making your own decisions, I truly believe that you will physically and emotionally feel a weight lifted from your shoulders. This situation, along with the holidays coming up, cannot be an easy time for you. Make sure you get out of the apartment...walk and visit friends and family. Start living NOW. Each day will bring its own challenges, but you can and you will be ok. Hugs to you and keep us posted. I wish you peace.

In Florida, if you are divorced even as late as December 31 of the current year, you are considered single for the entire year. You do need to speak to an accountant, as CowgirlKathi suggested, and see if it benefits or hurts you to file as married for 2009.
Good luck!
((hugs))

Thank you all for your good advice and support I can't tell you how much I appreciate your help. Yes, Zouga it is in my benefit to file jointly for the last time. I just got back from signing the divorce papers. The divorce should be done by the end of next month so I'm keeping to my plan.

Just in case, I want to wish you all a Happy Hannukah, Merry Christmas and a great New Year.

Lauren