I think you're right. My stbx didn't care about anyone but himself when he did this. We had not talked about it, he acted like everything was fine. We always went out and had a very intimate private life. He would tell me he loved me on a regular basis.

I knew something was wrong. He seemed stressed but I thought he was working too much and not getting enought sleep. I never once thought another woman. He spent 2 1/2 months planning this and moving money around. He was cruel to the kids and I before we found out about the OW. The lies about me to people and my children shocked me. Really hurt me. Now he is trying to be so nice becaused he was busted. I try to act indifferent.

One of the reasons he said he was divorcing me was that he wanted to camp, take kayaking trips and long distance bike trips. I found out that is what OW does. We have always been on trips with nice hotels with room service. He knew I would never want to camp. At 51 I need a nice comfortable bed.

I know someday he will regret this. Too bad so sad. He wrecked all of our lives for his own desires. My goal is to get my children and myself through this.

My children love him but they have all said that it will never be the same with him again. This happened in October 07. The children spent Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter with me.

I do not know WHY he isn't talking about at this time. But I do not understand a man that can tell his family the most devastating news on a Friday and call family friends looking for something to do on Saturday night. Seems like to me he should be thinking about what he just did. We were all in shock and he's ready to party.

i have no answer and i accepted that..couldnt move on if i didnt..have wonderful support and i am mving on..sucks but i'm just beginning to really excited abot the whole thing..everytime i'm arround stbx he says i'm sorry..i got tired of it..he doesnt say it anymore cause i told him to quit fucking pittying me..i am a butterfly coming out of my cocoon

I have asked WHY many times. I also had the thought that he was insane. What he did makes no sense to me at all especially that we are practicing Catholics and (I thought) that our religion was a strong aspect of our relationship. All of our family and friends, his included, thinks that he has jumped off the deep end. Our relationship was not all rosy by any means but I did not think or feel that giving up was an option. I don't think that I will ever find an answer that will satisfy me. I really think that he will regret this whole thing.

My asking him "why" didn't come at the end of our marriage, it came throughout. I kept asking why aren't we closer? Why don't you communicate with me? Why are we not intimate on all levels? Why are you married to me? He never had any answers, but the loneliness and pain were constantly there. Finally I was the one to say it's time to separate. I had tried everything over the years; I hoped that a separation would finally be the catalyst to fixing things. Instead, it became the realization that we are not a good fit for each other. Friends, yes. Co-parents, yes. A loving, nurturing couple, no. Since the separation, I have never asked him "why." Sadly he still hasn't either to me.

I've asked why and didn't really get much info other than he's been unhappy for years. Why didn't he tell me so and leave before he cheated. Now he lives w/ her and it kills me every moment of the day and night. Yet, I feel like he still strings me along. Why? And why do I let him? Just can't let go of the past I guess. Sometimes I'm just down and out, then I'm pissed, then I can't stop pacing. On and on and on. He only thinks of himself, that much is glaringly obvious. Why do I even stil care?