Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group
I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...
After talking to my brother today about this "cheating issue" concerning my husband, he pointed out something to me that I had not thought of.
He asked me, "if Jeff is having an affair what would that mean to you" I replied that my marriage would definately be over and I would move on with my life. He then said, "would you feel a sense of relief" and I said, possibly because I've been in a holding pattern for 5 months now. I told him that I'm adjusting to life without him.
He then said, "do you realize what you've just said. You've reached another level in this mess". 3 months ago I couldn't even talk to my brother about this without breaking down every few minutes, and now I'm adjusting to life without him. Not only that, but the fact that it might be a relief if there was an affair tells me that maybe I'm looking for a reason to move forward. Of course, I'm not hoping that he's having an affair, but I know what I would do if he was.
My brother then asked me if he was having an affair, what would my next steps be. I listed a number of things. He said I should start living my life as if it is already over and start doing these things on my list. I think this all made sense.
What things are on your list? Have you started doing them? Have you even made a list yet?
He asked me, "if Jeff is having an affair what would that mean to you" I replied that my marriage would definately be over and I would move on with my life. He then said, "would you feel a sense of relief" and I said, possibly because I've been in a holding pattern for 5 months now. I told him that I'm adjusting to life without him.
He then said, "do you realize what you've just said. You've reached another level in this mess". 3 months ago I couldn't even talk to my brother about this without breaking down every few minutes, and now I'm adjusting to life without him. Not only that, but the fact that it might be a relief if there was an affair tells me that maybe I'm looking for a reason to move forward. Of course, I'm not hoping that he's having an affair, but I know what I would do if he was.
My brother then asked me if he was having an affair, what would my next steps be. I listed a number of things. He said I should start living my life as if it is already over and start doing these things on my list. I think this all made sense.
What things are on your list? Have you started doing them? Have you even made a list yet?
I do have a list I am working on, but I think I need to start writing it down. There is so much involved with all of this...things people don't think of in normal life. Yes, I will be the one to file, because he wants it to fall on me...well, so be it...apparently I can bear that burden along with all the others he has left me! There is removing him from my credit cards, as well as me from his (that is not my responsiblity!), change all accounts...bank, utilities, car and home insurances,... take him off my health insurance, change all beneficiaries on life ins.,work insurances, change my will,...and that is just the start. Any one has more to add...would love to hear them!
Hugs and peace to you!