Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group
I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...
I have never in the 23 years I've been with my husband checked up on him. Not once, not ever. But when almost every single person tells you that there must be another woman, it's hard not to ignor the possibility.
I have said all along that I don't think there is another woman, but lately I've become obsessed with finding out for sure. Why is this so important to me - because if there is another woman than I know my marriage is over for certain. I would never allow him back into my life if he's been with someone else - end of story. I will have closure, I will stop hoping for a reconciliation and I can get on with my life.
So I've started spying on him and I don't know if I've found anything or if my very vivid immagination is running wild with speculation.
I went through the cell phone bill. I found 3 numbers that he calls frequently every day. 2 of the numbers I know for certain who they are, but the 3rd number is a woman I don't know. Now to give him the benefit of the doubt, in his line of work he must keep in contact with many suppliers for the automotive industry. So this could very well be a work connection - however, I'm having a hard time justifying so many calls to and from her within a months time. They are only 1 - 2 minute calls mostly, and the longest is about 10 minutes. So I ask myself what could all these calls be for. I know she works for a company that supplies computer programs and information for his company so this could be legit, but my "very vivid" immagination is going crazy.
I did a little checking and I did find out that she is divorced and has a 7 year old son. Now if she was married, I wouldn't even think about it further, but obviously she's available (I think - I guess she could have a boyfriend maybe - don't know about that). I also found out where she lives and I've driven by there twice already. His car has not been there, but I wonder if it's hiding in the garage.
Now mind you I have absolutely no proof that there is another woman. I also never saw any signs that there was while he was still living with me. He didn't lose weight, or buy new clothes or join a gym or any of the other typical things that cheaters do. It's just with everyone saying there probably is, I've become obsessed with knowing for sure.
Has anyone else done this. Been obsessed with finding out even though there is no probable cause to do so. Right now I feel stupid for doing this.
I have said all along that I don't think there is another woman, but lately I've become obsessed with finding out for sure. Why is this so important to me - because if there is another woman than I know my marriage is over for certain. I would never allow him back into my life if he's been with someone else - end of story. I will have closure, I will stop hoping for a reconciliation and I can get on with my life.
So I've started spying on him and I don't know if I've found anything or if my very vivid immagination is running wild with speculation.
I went through the cell phone bill. I found 3 numbers that he calls frequently every day. 2 of the numbers I know for certain who they are, but the 3rd number is a woman I don't know. Now to give him the benefit of the doubt, in his line of work he must keep in contact with many suppliers for the automotive industry. So this could very well be a work connection - however, I'm having a hard time justifying so many calls to and from her within a months time. They are only 1 - 2 minute calls mostly, and the longest is about 10 minutes. So I ask myself what could all these calls be for. I know she works for a company that supplies computer programs and information for his company so this could be legit, but my "very vivid" immagination is going crazy.
I did a little checking and I did find out that she is divorced and has a 7 year old son. Now if she was married, I wouldn't even think about it further, but obviously she's available (I think - I guess she could have a boyfriend maybe - don't know about that). I also found out where she lives and I've driven by there twice already. His car has not been there, but I wonder if it's hiding in the garage.
Now mind you I have absolutely no proof that there is another woman. I also never saw any signs that there was while he was still living with me. He didn't lose weight, or buy new clothes or join a gym or any of the other typical things that cheaters do. It's just with everyone saying there probably is, I've become obsessed with knowing for sure.
Has anyone else done this. Been obsessed with finding out even though there is no probable cause to do so. Right now I feel stupid for doing this.
Hope all went well and if it didn't and you find out different at least as hard as it will be, at least you will finally know and can move ahead with your life which ever way you choose it to be.
Stay strong sweetheart, remember what I told you, anytime day or night, I am there for you.
You are my sweetie
Huggs and Kisses
Lorie
When i confronted him about stuff, he denied everything...that just added to my hell. When he finally confessed to his emotional adultery, i felt a relief - that i wasn't CRAZY afterall! How sick is that. But when he finally confessed to the physically adultery, i just died...
Don't feel bad about spying...you just feel you must do it to get answers...but it hurts like hell.
Every lawyer I saw said a man doesn't leave after 20 + years if someone isn't in the wings.
Sld1 is so right I seen 3 lawyers before I hired mine and thye all said the same thing . They can say there is no one else after 20 + years but highly doughtful.