Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group

I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...

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/ Divorce after Twenty years together Support Group

Hard decision

jljlost
jljlost

I live on support only, a very small amount. I'm 65. I have had to have a roommate (just a friend) in order to live someplace. My daughter just got married and bought a house. I have lived with her off and on since my divorce and love her more then life itself. I'm the one who lived 30 in an abusive marriage and have PTSD.


My roommate and I are moving next month and the only place we can find that is nice and within our price range is 150 miles away from my daughter. We both want land, trees, look out the window and see deer. So we found it. It broke my heart to live so far from my daughter. But I love the outdoors.


Now she tells me.....there is a place very near her, a very nice house with a normal back yard and she is willin to put in $200 each month so my roommate and I can afford it.


Because she is going to have my first grandchild next year and wants me near. OMG!!!


My roommate refuses to go back to the city. I totally understand. I hate the city too. But this is so hard. Obviously without my roommate I cannnot afford to live at either place so I have no choice but to move to the country which is what i want.....but finding out my daughter wants me, her mom, near her when she has the baby is tearing me apart.


I feel awful about this. My daughter is all the family I have. So I thought maybe driving down 1 week a month would be a good idea. Any other ideas????


Misred
Misred
I think you would be happier in the country because that is what you have been wanting. You daughter committed to the $200 a month, but that could change at any time and she could easily hold that over your head. You can go for long visits. Yes it would be nice to be there close, but you will most likely not hear anything until your needed and that gets old.
jljlost
jljlost
You are right. I have been miserable for so long, it's time I put myself first. I can still visit.
Thank you!
Atpeacemary
Atpeacemary
Hugs my friend. Put yourself first and be gentle with No 1 that is you. You have been on the back burner for so long too. I am putting myself first and people do not like it. Visit by all means. and enjoy that time.
dairytech
dairytech
I agree with the others. Stay in the country and go for long visits. You will then have the best of both worlds.
jljlost
jljlost
BTW....I listened to all of you and moved to the country. Best decision I ever made. Totally selfish…..and I love it!!!! Thank you!!!!!
13.5 acres. So far this city girl has had poison oak in my mouth (I had never seen it before), Broke my wrist (it happens), found out my ex gave me hepatitis C (from dental procedure using instrument infected from another patient, guess he didn't like the divorce), got stung by a wasp and a yellowjacket but feel lucky it wasn't a hornet, got a quad and love driving it on my land, found a tick on my arm but it had not bitten me yet, watch deer on my porch, had a BIG bear go through my yard 20 feet from my window and then broke my fence (OMG they stink), watched a deer running for her life with a mountain lion behind her (that's nature)….just all kind of things that amaze me.
It is wonderful!!!!!!
yougospam
yougospam
Thanks for posting your update. Sometimes being a parent (and grandma) makes us feel guilty when we take care of ourselves. I'm happy you chose YOU. Way to go!!!
Misred
Misred
So glad you are happy with your decision
Atpeacemary
Atpeacemary
good for you my friend. You will find as time goes on, you will focus more on yourself than others. Really be gentle with yourself. You can do it. hugs
trisha9054
trisha9054
Good decision on your move. I too live in the country on 34 acres and love it. I board horses to cover some of my expenses. I can relate to the yellow jackets. So far this year I've only been stung once. You will learn so much about your self and the life you want when you move onto land with a lot of room to roam.
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