(((HUGS))) Don't be too hard on yourself for breaking down. This is totally normal. Even a couple of years out from divorce I would be in a mini-funk after seeing my EX, even if it was a pleasant exchange.

Sending hugs! Absolutely normal feelings. I'm six years out and there are times I feel like it was day one when I have to see him. It does get easier, as sad is it is to say. Feel the feelings, and let it go.

((Hugs)) You couldn't help it. SO normal! Is she oblivious to the pain? It will get better

This has happened in the first couple of years.
Like you !!!! I would just break up.
All a natural feeling..... Very difficult .
As far as her seeing you that way...... SO WHAT...
Just shows that you loved her. Now by her saying :What's wrong . to you only
proves that she's off in her own (Lost) (LA-LA) world.
This is how they get............ oblivious to your feelings.
I know that it's hard to except that.... Later on in her life she may (May) realize
that,once she comes back from her fancies world . And she will !!!! someday.
My friend..........it's very hard to go through this... I know very well "as many here that know me will testify '
I still have my moments................
Just do your best................. cry if you want ...... IT'S OK TO CRY !!! IT's ok for a man to cry... We're human. Keep writing here on D&S. express all your feelings here... Everyone here understands....
God be with you ................
Timeman

Big Hugs and prayers to you. Please try not to be hard on yourself. You are a loving human being and not a robot. She is responsible for her decisions and you are entitled to your emotions. Your friends, family and anyone else who has been through something similar understand.

I have a similar event coming up. I am separated 6 months ago. My STBX delivered the ILYBNILWY speech one night after 20 years married and did not want to work on it. I was blindsided (affair involved). In addition to the ILYBNILWY speech, I also received a laundry list of many things they felt I did wrong over the years and other things that “bothered” them. Trust me, the ILYBNILWY speech was enough. The added information was not needed unless the intention was to deliver an extra layer of hurt and pain. Congrats STBX, mission accomplished!

I have to see or speak with my STBX next week to attend to some business. I've avoided it until now because I'm just that shattered and I dislike being in a state of confusion and upset after such meetings. As making the upcoming arrangements, the STBX has specifically asked me to "not cry" and said it was because it hurts them and they don't know how to react. FYI - I’m not vocal crier, screamer, body parts flailing, etc. I’m just simple teary eyes – that’s it. I don't know how to respond to this (absurd?) request – besides to remind myself that I’m only human and not a robot.

What even allows these people we use to know so well feel it is ok to make such statements, comments, requests in the first place?

I feel for you, you are a better man than I,
I shall never let my wife touch me ever again for any reason

You have a heart, and she broke it. It's completely understandable for you to grieve and break down from time to time. I would have a hard time if my ex hugged me, too. I agree with everyone else. Don't be so hard on yourself. One day, after your ex suffers some losses of her own, she will regret letting go of a guy who can feel so completely. Men like that are hard to find. The fact that you are so sad means that your marriage meant something to you. You valued and cherished it. What a concept! That makes you a hero in the eyes of most women.

((Hugs)) to you.

Kim

Your reaction was totally understandable and you will find yourself grieving in the strangest places (mine was in front of a bank teller). Please do not despair. You have to grieve because that is your body and mind's way of dealing with the pain. It will get easier.

Hugs!!!

@StepForward: You should tell your stbx that he lost the right to tell you how to react the day he started his affair. I love how the cheaters want to dictate the terms of how the betrayed spouse is supposed to feel. Grrr.

ummmm, you are HUMAN and the word human has "man" in it btw! Your upset probably made her feel like crap, at least in the short term, so take that as consolation!

As for the fear of appearing "weak" or "unmanly" (my words not yours) ...BS! This topic is important to me as the mother of three sons - I tried to raise them to feel safe to show their feelings. The guy I'm dating now I've been with for one year, and he's been separated for SIX years, and sometimes when we get into a 'deep' conversation about the topic of separation/divorce (mine or his) he tears up.

Don't ever feel bad for expressing sadness; it's as normal as expressing happiness, and we, in this community, get that!

Chalk it up to experience - and move on from it. She likely has, sad and mean as that might sound :(