Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group
I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...
In reading a bit of the posting "A Long Ways Off" I thought I would share how I gathered my support together.
I am a little over one year out from the court divorce date and nearly 2 years out of the beginning of this journey (thought the first 4 months were mostly expected reconciliation). Over a year ago I began to do some on-line searching of divorce gatherings. None of the information seemed to be what fit me.
This has been an incredibly tough road. And, while I'm not "there" (wherever that may be) yet, I am certainly in a better place than I was on April 2, 2010 and many days beyond that. Honestly, I am only here due to my friends and family who companioned me as I walked this completely unexpected journey. Otherwise, I certainly would have been three feet underground. My support held many different roles---some were involved daily and held me as I sobbed or sat with me as my partner moved his stuff out of our home. Others offered lots of prayers and ongoing support via e-mail. Still others were neighborhood friends who became a part of our dog-walking club......the list goes on and on. Because I reached out and others responded, I am here and thriving....or at least working toward that status. My transparency has been a binding factor.
I wanted to gather these various people together to thank them in a tangible way. So, on February 19th I hosted a Gratitude Gathering in my home. I had invitations made somewhat formally (Groupon deal), ordered a case of wine (another on-line deal), hired a massage therapist, hired a piano player (background music), made a simple meal with various soups and breads, and compiled words of wisdom, meaningful scripture and songs that touched my heart.
The preparation was therapeutic and took place over about a month (a doubled soup recipe per weekend) and a copying and pasting of words shared with me via FB and e-mail. I really wanted to host without my support doing the work---just showing up and enjoying. While I can't say there was no stress in hosting this.....it was really only the last 24 hours that required intense preparation.
My Gratitude Gathering included three parts: a worship service (word and music---I had all involved in some way), a simple meal, and a social time including the massage option.
I highly recommend this for others on this unexpected journey. It was such a gift to give back, in a small way, to those who have walked this challenging path with me. It was also wonderful for people in my circles to meet each other. Many have heard of others---but spending a bit of time with them connected all of us in a way that will live on. We are more cognizant of the meaning of community.
While I had begun thinking about having this gathering around the time of my divorce, I didn't feel "ready" to move forward on it until nearly a year later. I'm sure all are different, but the ease with which the planning and carrying out came is an indication to me that the time was right.
I would be happy to share more details with those who are interested.
Blessings to you on your journey...unexpected or not.
Jodi
I am a little over one year out from the court divorce date and nearly 2 years out of the beginning of this journey (thought the first 4 months were mostly expected reconciliation). Over a year ago I began to do some on-line searching of divorce gatherings. None of the information seemed to be what fit me.
This has been an incredibly tough road. And, while I'm not "there" (wherever that may be) yet, I am certainly in a better place than I was on April 2, 2010 and many days beyond that. Honestly, I am only here due to my friends and family who companioned me as I walked this completely unexpected journey. Otherwise, I certainly would have been three feet underground. My support held many different roles---some were involved daily and held me as I sobbed or sat with me as my partner moved his stuff out of our home. Others offered lots of prayers and ongoing support via e-mail. Still others were neighborhood friends who became a part of our dog-walking club......the list goes on and on. Because I reached out and others responded, I am here and thriving....or at least working toward that status. My transparency has been a binding factor.
I wanted to gather these various people together to thank them in a tangible way. So, on February 19th I hosted a Gratitude Gathering in my home. I had invitations made somewhat formally (Groupon deal), ordered a case of wine (another on-line deal), hired a massage therapist, hired a piano player (background music), made a simple meal with various soups and breads, and compiled words of wisdom, meaningful scripture and songs that touched my heart.
The preparation was therapeutic and took place over about a month (a doubled soup recipe per weekend) and a copying and pasting of words shared with me via FB and e-mail. I really wanted to host without my support doing the work---just showing up and enjoying. While I can't say there was no stress in hosting this.....it was really only the last 24 hours that required intense preparation.
My Gratitude Gathering included three parts: a worship service (word and music---I had all involved in some way), a simple meal, and a social time including the massage option.
I highly recommend this for others on this unexpected journey. It was such a gift to give back, in a small way, to those who have walked this challenging path with me. It was also wonderful for people in my circles to meet each other. Many have heard of others---but spending a bit of time with them connected all of us in a way that will live on. We are more cognizant of the meaning of community.
While I had begun thinking about having this gathering around the time of my divorce, I didn't feel "ready" to move forward on it until nearly a year later. I'm sure all are different, but the ease with which the planning and carrying out came is an indication to me that the time was right.
I would be happy to share more details with those who are interested.
Blessings to you on your journey...unexpected or not.
Jodi
I'm really not much on hosting parties however, but i'm thinking i might be able to pull something off at a nice restaurant.
My heartbreak and divorce started in May of 2010, because i declined his offer there were no lawyers involved till Aug of 2010, but i just realized yesterday id been in the middle of this divorce longer than i thought :( I was thinking 18 or 19 months when it has actually been 22 months! But wow have i ever come a long way with my new friends help! I have been married 34 years now .
"Gratitude Gathering" I like that! So many great ideas coming foward!
What a wonderful way to express your gratitude and to share some joy in your home! I am real big on gatherings here -- this place has been The Place for parties (at least two big ones per year) for almost 24 years.
A few months after my divorce was finally final back in 2007, I did the same sort of thing. While I did not send out printed invitations, my email invite stated that it was a pot-luck picnic day for all my buddies who had found themselves to be "suddenly single" again -- and even a few who had remarried or re-partnered SINCE their own divorce!
This was a mix of long and recently divorced folks; some of whom I had met and become close to through my association with the local Divorce Care group; others were people I had known since high school. I also included a few True Blue friends of mine who had given me their unflagging support when I needed it the most! There were about 16 of us all together.
The only "rule" for the day was NO BASHING of X's and NO talk of divorce proceedings. This was to be a day of celebrating NEW LIFE -- regardless of what stage anyone was currently in.
Everyone brought their favorite pot-luck offering (pot-luck is always fun -- no one has to slave in the kitchen all day) and I served up a batch of pulled pork barbeque with buns for the main dish. I also supplied ice, paperware and soft drinks (BYOB to cut own on my expense).
What a lovely afternoon it turned out to be! I had a 100% turn-out and the weather was absolutely PERFECT! It was as if God was smiling on ALL OF US that day. A dear friend who has been divorced for a very long time gave the blessing and her words were so inspiring, just about everyone was moved to tears. It was a very important day for me and since that time, most of the people who attended have mentioned it again and again.
While divorce is certainly nothing to "celebrate" there is always a way to give back to those who give to us when we need it the most. Your story is inspiring and I am grateful that you took the time to share it with us here on DS.
Onward and upward, my friend!
xoxoxo
Yes, SDinMD really seemed to enjoy himself last Saturday AND he was here for the big "Smallville Christmas" gig back in December! jaycpea, too! You are welcome ANYTIME -- if you get over this way, I'll throw a party just to celebrate that!
And you'll have to bring hurtinandhealin and pam with you! How's THAT for a party guest list?!
It's not the PLACE, it's the PEOPLE that make the party!
Somehow I didn't really want that after the divorce and was spending the day alone at home until one of my closest friends turned up with 2 small bottles of champagne. Perfect.