so today was another day with the new one. I so enjoy him. and it gives me more time with my son. well, after dinner (love cooking for family) we (my younger son and his gf and I) were fixing to leave when my older one tells me his dad called him. seems he got a new number so when it came up son thought it was his uncle. turned out dear old dad wanted to congratulate him on his new baby. son told me if he knew it was him he wouldnt have answered (like he's handled him before--just ignored his calls) anyway, dear old dad said he wanted to send him a little something for the baby and asked for his address. son said "send it to mom's. I will get it from there" He didnt and doesnt want him to have his address. I told him he handled it the way he thought he should and let it go.

so why did I have a crying spell when I got home? why does it bother me that he called him? we were all doing so well without him in our lives. So why do I care? my son told me now that he knows his number he will go back to ignoring him. good or bad? the other one is hoping to get some of his money back from dad but i doubt it will ever happen. I am having big trust issues again. i guess a friend of mine that plays a fb game with me is also a friend of his gf's. oh you can betcha I blocked her from my site. AND i went thru her to block his gf too.

i know i should break all contact wit his daughters but it's hard. but I watch what I say for fear that it goes back to him. i certainly havent told them I am working. right now it's all talk about the baby. they have contact with their brother so they call me too. most of them. but which ones do I trust? the one that calls the most says she doesnt talk to dad. she doesnt like what hes done and has no interest in the new gf. another says whatever we talk about is between us. true? who the hell knows? I just feel lost. and alone. even with my sons around i feel alone. don't want them to see me hurting again.