Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group
I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...
I am new to this group, so please forgive me for sharing anything that's been shared already. And for being naive/wet behind the ears in this.
That said, it's been a good week. Productive. Informative. Not easy, but for anyone (who is in my boat right now) starting the process of separation, please consider doing this:
1). Talk to a professional. I am LUCKY in that my husband has excellent insurance EAP Plan). I found a very good (lucked out to be sure) psychologist to help me through this. I get 6 sessions for FREE. Many people are unaware that their company has an EAP plan. Mental health is just as important as physical. I am lucky in that I have access to this. If you can, search high and low as to finding a therapist/counselor.
2) Support divorce group. My church has one that I hit up last year when I thought separation was imminent then. Christian-based and very supportive. Strict rules (cannot date anyone in the group). Low cost - just buy the $25 book. Divorce Care (held at many churches throughout the country).
3) THIS SITE!!! Share with someone who doesn't know about it! I was lucky and found it on my own. These past few days on here have been very, very helpful (and I thank those that send me kind hugs and messages...how very sweet).
4) Daily devotionals and/or inspirational reads. I picked one up yesterday in my attorney's office. Yesterday's reading was spot-on...lol.
5) Check out rosen.com or another free divorce attorney page. It has a free message board in which I found so much info.
6) I saw a really good attorney! Husband does not know (he may suspect). I am armed with REAL knowledge and my rights - not just via stuff I've read/heard. I brought necessary documents, etc. Blew my mind as to what I am entitled to (not that I would go this route but knowledge that eased my mind).
7) Friends. Lean on them. I am so lucky here. Even a couple of family members are calling on me (which is a huge but nice surprise). One friend in particular fell into my life early this year and she's been a rock for me during this time.
8) Find a good time to get as much as you can get things in order. It just so happened that this is the week my kids are at away camp. I've been able to focus on all of this without having to worry about them. They are having fun and away from the tension/drama at home. Again, I realize that I am very fortunate here.
9) Force yourself to wear a dress/look nice. I wore a professional dress to a funeral Monday (husband was there, as the deceased was a mutual former coworker). I also dressed up a bit when I saw my therapist and of course, my attorney.
10) Cry when you have to. I've had to pull over when emotions got to me. After 10 minutes, I felt somewhat relieved. I was feeling in control and even somewhat "together" yesterday. Today, different story. Take it hour by hour...
That said, it's been a good week. Productive. Informative. Not easy, but for anyone (who is in my boat right now) starting the process of separation, please consider doing this:
1). Talk to a professional. I am LUCKY in that my husband has excellent insurance EAP Plan). I found a very good (lucked out to be sure) psychologist to help me through this. I get 6 sessions for FREE. Many people are unaware that their company has an EAP plan. Mental health is just as important as physical. I am lucky in that I have access to this. If you can, search high and low as to finding a therapist/counselor.
2) Support divorce group. My church has one that I hit up last year when I thought separation was imminent then. Christian-based and very supportive. Strict rules (cannot date anyone in the group). Low cost - just buy the $25 book. Divorce Care (held at many churches throughout the country).
3) THIS SITE!!! Share with someone who doesn't know about it! I was lucky and found it on my own. These past few days on here have been very, very helpful (and I thank those that send me kind hugs and messages...how very sweet).
4) Daily devotionals and/or inspirational reads. I picked one up yesterday in my attorney's office. Yesterday's reading was spot-on...lol.
5) Check out rosen.com or another free divorce attorney page. It has a free message board in which I found so much info.
6) I saw a really good attorney! Husband does not know (he may suspect). I am armed with REAL knowledge and my rights - not just via stuff I've read/heard. I brought necessary documents, etc. Blew my mind as to what I am entitled to (not that I would go this route but knowledge that eased my mind).
7) Friends. Lean on them. I am so lucky here. Even a couple of family members are calling on me (which is a huge but nice surprise). One friend in particular fell into my life early this year and she's been a rock for me during this time.
8) Find a good time to get as much as you can get things in order. It just so happened that this is the week my kids are at away camp. I've been able to focus on all of this without having to worry about them. They are having fun and away from the tension/drama at home. Again, I realize that I am very fortunate here.
9) Force yourself to wear a dress/look nice. I wore a professional dress to a funeral Monday (husband was there, as the deceased was a mutual former coworker). I also dressed up a bit when I saw my therapist and of course, my attorney.
10) Cry when you have to. I've had to pull over when emotions got to me. After 10 minutes, I felt somewhat relieved. I was feeling in control and even somewhat "together" yesterday. Today, different story. Take it hour by hour...
setbacks. And I'm sure many on the site will be here to help
Hugs
Seriously, though, it sounds as though you're keeping your head in the game, and good on you for taking the time to cry/grieve/let it out when you have to. That's a very good survival skill. Take care, keep in touch, and keep up the good work.