Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group

I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...

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/ Divorce after Twenty years together Support Group

Getting smarter

cmonge
cmonge
My STBX asked me to go breakfast with him, our kids and his dad today for Father's Day. Just a few weeks ago I would have fretted over this and probably ended up going because I want to please him, or because I would have thought he was trying to get back together. Now I just think he wants us to act like a family part-time. When it's convenient. That's just too hard. At least I'm getting smarter about these things.
CowgirlKathi
CowgirlKathi
Well, I hope you didn't succumb to this temptation. If there was one thing that drove me totally NUTS during my own 18 months of Hell, it was the way my stbx still wanted to "drive normallY' -- in other words, have both of us going around like nothing was going on. Just goes to show how emotionally constipated he was. From the day he made his announcement to me that he no longer wanted to be in the marriage, I flatly REFUSED to PRETEND. As a matter of fact, if anyone asked me if there was something going on, I simply told the truth: that three people in a marriage was one too many and I was divorcing a cheater.

It always felt good to just get it out and be done with it!
kamary
kamary
Things get clearer as time goes on, and you'll realise what feels right and what seems so very wrong. My ex even used the possibility of remaining friends as a carrot during settlement. "If you want us to remain friends, you will agree to... " Some men don't understand that divorce is just that - no more playing happy couple and happy families.

I think it is possible and advisable to remain on speaking terms so that you can talk about your kids, and can both go to some functions like funerals, weddings, 21sts etc and there won't be stand-up fights. However, a Father's Day family brekky isn't on my list of those sort of functions.

love and hugs
kamary