Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group
I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...
Last night I was going through some things in my room and I found an old journal. I didn't actually do a LOT of writing in it, however, what little I did write said a WHOLE lot about where I was. It was from the beginning of the end of my marriage. I chronicled several fights we had that were initiated by him. Words he said to me, things that were blamed on me etc. It also had several entries that were obviously my thoughts about myself. The extremely horrible sense of self-worth and self-esteem that I had was so hard to read.
WOW, it was very telling. I was in a very dark place, my marriage was in an even darker place. The realization that I fought so hard to stay in that marriage is amazing to me and it goes to show that sometimes you need to be out of a situation before you can start to see it clearly.
I can say now, without a doubt, that I am so much better. I like myself again. I believe in myself again. I enjoy life and all that it brings with it. The journey I am on and have been on for the past 4 years has been amazing and quite frankly, I inspired myself by how far I have come since writing those entries.
God is good. Faith will get you through. Power of prayer is amazing. Life is worth living and should be treasured every day!
For everyone going through a dark time and fights and battles and are scared and scraping by....we can do this. YOU can do this.
Liz
WOW, it was very telling. I was in a very dark place, my marriage was in an even darker place. The realization that I fought so hard to stay in that marriage is amazing to me and it goes to show that sometimes you need to be out of a situation before you can start to see it clearly.
I can say now, without a doubt, that I am so much better. I like myself again. I believe in myself again. I enjoy life and all that it brings with it. The journey I am on and have been on for the past 4 years has been amazing and quite frankly, I inspired myself by how far I have come since writing those entries.
God is good. Faith will get you through. Power of prayer is amazing. Life is worth living and should be treasured every day!
For everyone going through a dark time and fights and battles and are scared and scraping by....we can do this. YOU can do this.
Liz
How inspiring! Yes, over the years I have started having that "tell the tree from the forest" feeling. Only now when I hear other peoples opinion of my ex words I find out that he was abusive emotionally. I never saw that; I felt pain, but did not know what was going on. I grew up with a father who always " barked '' at us;but in my culture ,that was considered being in charge,taking care of your family,showing he was macho.I am finding out that in America..it is abuse.
Never has there been a truer statement, Prayer saved me, sustained me, allowed me, shined the light of hope, on me through the darkest days to the happy days I live now. Granted, my outcome is a bit different.
I understand that the abused get so used to being abused that we don't know any different and our self-esteem just gets lower and lower until something happens to trigger our pride and self-esteem once again. In my case, it was a weekend called Goddess. It was a weekend run by a lady who helps women find themselves again. We had to pair off and sing to each other the song, "You are Beautiful". So many of us were in tears. No one had told us we were beautiful in such a long time. I am ever grateful to Diane McCann for running that weekend. My new awareness helped me to see what was going on in my life, and ultimately, brought me to the decision to end the abuse. I have no regrets other than I am so sorry that he chose to be like that when he could have so easily chosen to be loving and compassionate.
I agree that God is good. He's always there. All we have to do is ask for help and it'll come. It may not be what we expected, and we may end up divorced, but whatever happens is always the best thing for us in the end. You just don't see it until sometime down the track.
love and hugs
kamary
Thank goodness for a new start and to have confidence and esteem lifted again. Best wishes on your continued journey and walk w/God.
I also wrote journal entries during a time when I was in great pain and still thinking that I wanted / needed the ex....it is inconceivable to me now that I felt this way but...there it is on the page, proof that I was desperate and sad and confused and.....searching for answers. Gosh, am I EVER glad those days are over!
For those of you who are in the thick of it, I really do recommend journaling as a positive and therapeutic activity! Somehow, putting our thoughts and confusions and pain on the page....it just seems to lighten the load a bit! I urge those in the earlier stages of separation and divorce to give it a try! Even if you're angry and just want to write down angry words...go ahead and do it! It's for YOUR eyes only!
Great post and glad to see that you are doing so well! thanks for sharing this