Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group

I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...

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sue38 11/20/2008

Well i finally got the letter from my exs solicitor that he had been saying was comin for 3 weeks now,He has said he wants to sell the house and split it,also that the children have said they want to live with him,untill the house is sold and he has got a new house he wants to come back here 2 nights a week and i stya away for them 2 nights,cos we are divorced apparently i cant touch his pension now cos my old solicitor mucked up he applied for the decree absolute b4 the consent order was made so none of the financal stuff has been sorted,my solicitor is away till next week.Good timming on his part i started my new job last monday so im out all day not back here till 6 and my solicitor finishes at 5 so i cant get to see her,i fill like just giving up now,i really dont no what to do no more why did i trust him all that time????when i speak to my son he doesnt really want to say much cos he doesnt want to take sides hes 12 and my older 1 who is 16 doesnt want to no cos at the mo my ex is buying her with money and stuff and he cant do no wrong in her eyes.Im in shit creak big time now anyone wanna help me please

deleted_user 11/20/2008

Don't panic. Just because ex is saying it doesn't make it true. I'm sure you'll get the pension you're due and long as it was before the judge. My attorney will stay late or you can have a telephone conference on your lunch hour. Just because he wants to come back in several times a week doesn't mean you have to agree to it.

I paniced a few times over letters stbx's attorney sent me and now I just toss them in the file and wait until I talk to my attorney. My attorney just laughs and tells me not to worry. So far he has done a great job.

Hugs and put in out of your mind.

MsTerey 11/20/2008

First do not give up. Our London friend, I can always tell from the "solictor". I am no way familar with the barrister and court system in Great Britain, but I do believe Sld1 is right, I know very few legal people that do not keep later hours or will not talk to you on the phone. Call and leave a message, talk to the office receptionist, email and find out what is happening.

I think we all make it more so in our minds when we are alone and we get a letter. All corespondence I ever get from my ex's lawyer goes to my lawyer first. He puts a cover checklist on it that says for your attention, a copy for your files, call me immediately... stuff like that. Seldom if ever is there a panic mode on there, and you will get this done.

Hey how about a meet in London? Would not that be fun, I could go back to Kew Gardens! AND what a way to wipe out the memory of him, to be with this group, a 2 honeymoon after the first time he wanted a divorce.. 1995!
While I am wishing for this, I will wish airfare for all of us...

Hang in there!

deleted_user 11/20/2008

Hang in there - we all feel screwed at times. Talk with your attorney and see whats up before you jump to conclusions. Big hugs.

Chrissy614 11/20/2008

Don't give up the fight based on what your stbx says. You have rights too and he doesn't get to say what happens and what doesn't.

Find out more information from your lawyer or perhaps a friend whose been through a divorce. I have to believe he cannot leave you high and dry.

Sld1 is right - don't panic, take action and protect yourself further. Knowledge is great power - get as much knowledge about the divorce process and use it to your advantage. Maybe you can intimidate him with your new found knowledge and make him start to panic.

Hang in there and stay strong.

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