One of the big gifts of divorce.. if you do not have it prior to divorce you will now, it is patience.

You did not get in this situation overnight, you will not get out of it that fast either. Most of us, in long term marriages, it takes a year on average. For some a lot longer. Did you get from a lawyer a guess of a time frame of how long this may take?

Your lawyer, let him do hid/her job, they work on their timeline and they will call you. I helped people in divorce off this sight, and remember you are not their only client! They do this for a living and they will not call you unless they have something that is worth telling you about. If a lawyer asks that you do something, gather paperwork, fill out a financial disclosure etc, make sure you do it!

The seeking employment. Do not hold your breath. I came to DS because in 2009 after my divorce I was looking for a job. I found a great job, and it took me 6 months, pre recession! Do not think that you are going to hear if you did not get the job. Even as a professional, very few employers any longer give you a ney. You hear nothing! AND Not to discourage you, but do not wait for the "call". That "you'll probably be hearing from us talk, even after an interview can be a killer. Keep looking, it is a full time job to look for a job. Set aside 6 hours a day to look. Make sure you resume is flawless, and have more than one if you are applying for different jobs. Upgrade your skills, tutor your self on line. Have killer cover letters that are written for every position you apply for.

Pre-divorce I looked also for work, and had about 80 documented who and where I submitted to, just in case we needed them for my divorce if we went to trial. My lawyer said I am telling you to look, not necessarily find a job, because it will effect your alimony. I had not worked in about 9 years. My ex also paid big money to have me vocationally evaluated, by a Ph.d. He of course when wanted a divorce, wanted to show that my earning potential was so high.. that backfired on him! Lets just say I flunked.. I got mainenance or alimony as some states call it. SO make sure that you talk to your lawyer. My lawyer said I can not tell you to not take a job, I am after all an officier of the court, but you will get the maintenance. I did and I went back towork after the divorce. There is no restriction on whay I can earn.. my alimony set in stone. SO.. just for information.

In 2008 I posted this on my profile, when I came to this group, which was brand new. " Happiness is the Result of Personal Effort" I live that, believe that, and it is still on my profile. IT is work to to find your happiness. Calm down and be patient. This is a long bumpy ride. (( HUGS))

Geezz... I am using a new browser.. and sorry for the typos! I am as always doing two things at once!

ok so after I posted this i got a call. I got the job! it is only part-time and only 8-32 hrs a week but it is a job and I am getting out in the public again. I start training either this week or next. i am so thankful. I have been married 29 yrs ms. terey so I havent worked for quite a while. I did until my kids were around school age. and i worked for my sister (which is not good thing to work with "some" family members. lol) for years while kids were young. they just went with me or had very good sitter who charged me next to nothing. but stbx thought sitter making $2 more than me a couple weeks wasnt worth the gas i wasted to work so I stayed home after that. and every time i mentioned a job he said he could take care of us so just stay home with kids.
i filed the original papers for divorce 7/27/12. every time we went in for hearing he threw a curve ball and wouldnt agree to any terms that benefited me. so each hearing got continued. the divorce was supposed to of been feb 19, 2013 but that is when his lawyer decided to inform judge of conflict of interest (even though she knew stbx had same lawyer 29 yrs ago for child support case) so i had to get new atty. which i did within 3 weeks. so the new date is june 10, 2013. just want it done.

congrats on the job....it is the first step in your new direction :)

I am so happy for you ! Congrats! Going back to work is a great way to get your mind off the divorce, him etc!
This is great, and part time is a good way to get back in the workforce.

Your divorce history, filing in July of last year, delays, more common than you think! Here there is a 120 day cooling off period when you file. But a divorce can be granted on that 121 day. That doesn't happen in a long term marriage too often, because if you own a house, or assets or pensions, and 401k, all take time to settle. If younger, custody, child support etc. Hang in there! BE PATIENT! Remember this is probably one of the largest business deals you may ever do, your own. Be not in haste.. HUGS

Wishing you all the best on your new job!

thanks all. feeling like on a high right now! feeling like this is a baby step but it is still a step and I will prevail. he may think he's knocked me down but again once I think what I have in this whole thing I am so so far ahead. good friends (esp here. ) my family, my health (praises to the lord) my wonderful wonderful sons. oh man I can't name it all. but these help on those bad days. and i see a future now that is getting brighter. again many many thanks

Congrats on the new job. Sorry you were in a slump...the come and go, you will get there (((HUGS)))

roller coaster ride, real fun, are they not. I am happy that you found a job. It is better than sitting at home for that phone to ring. As for that stbx, listen to your instinct. they will never let you down. I am still feeling the downs and it has been 6 yrs since separation and 3 yrs since D day.

thanks knuckle for the glimpse into my future. lmao been 2 yrs 8 months since separation. but I will have the new grandbaby to keep me occupied in just 3 months so that is a plus. of course, my son who lives with me is looking for a house with his gf so it will be an empty nest here but for me and my dog. may or may not like that.

Congrats on the new job. That should keep your mind off things at least a little each week. The roller coaster never seems to end, just slows down.

Divorce IS like the roller coaster ride from Hell and unfortunately, the emotional ups and downs don't always end with the final decree. You must allow yourself to grieve and get it out of your system. That takes time -- about 1 year for every 5 years of the marriage. I can say that from personal experience, but I always clarify that statement by saying "It doesn't mean that your life is on hold for that full amount of time; it means it usually takes that long to really put it all behind you."

Great news on the job! Get out there and take full advantage of meeting new people and having a few hours a week out of your house and (hopefully) out of your head as far as the divorce is concerned! xoxo

No happy, you are much stronger and braver than me. I applaud you. I wish I could move on the way you have. Keep going like you are. You're doing a great job!