Report him to the CPS, fast. Then gather up all the parents of those underaged kids and tell them what is going on. Your daughter is playing a dangerous game. Alcoholism can be hereditary. My father was one, but he was a closet one. So was my ex. Thank God, that my kids do not have much to do with him. He has to call them to ask them if they are going to visit him. As for not getting angry about this, you are showing major restraint, my friend. I woul have had him nailed to the wall by now. Hugs, my friend

drinking responsibly is a pleasure, drunkards are not

teaching young adults to responsibly enjoy OR refrain from alcohol is an obligation

if it we me, i'd start with the 17 year old, tell him what the consequences of underage drinking are (the state in which i reside will issue a teaching certificate to someone that has underage drinking record - 1 time)
the consequences of drunk driving can be ----- in brutally honest you could have to live with someone else for the rest of your life.

similar with daughter

tell both that we can end it here otherwise i gotta end it through other channels.... then cps

ultimately both kids are old enough to grasp that it boils down to their choices , give them the choice to keep cps out of it

I can see why you're so worried about your kids, and I would worry, too. In fact, I did worry when my kids were in their teens and early twenties, and would go out drinking. I had to rely heavily on faith that I had given them the strength to know what is "too far" and that I had taught them how to take care of themselves.

I clearly remember an incident on the stairs when my son was 17. He and I could look each other straight in the eye for a change (yes he's 10 inches taller than I am LOL). I was trying to do the mother thing and warn him about drugs, drinking and driving (yet again). Somewhere mid-sentence, he held his hand up and said "Stop". I replied that I wouldn't be doing the right thing by him if I didn't tell him what I had to say, so he stood there silently listening. When I'd finished, he just turned and went off to his party.

Some months later, my son came home with a split lip. It turned out that he wasn't drinking to excess at these parties. He was, in fact, the one who helped those who did. The split lip was the result of him trying to remove a drunken friend from a party and a dangerous situation, and he was king hit by the bullies as he put his friend in his car.

Most kids at your kids' ages will drink and will get drunk. I guess one good thing is that they're with their family when they're getting drunk. I agree that your ex probably is not a good example and there is the fear that they may have inherited genes that may cause alcoholism. Also, those family members who post pictures they think are funny, are being irresponsible at the expense of your kids.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that there comes a time when your kids have listened enough and have heard you. They just don't want you to keep on repeating, and sometimes pushing it can make them run the other way.

I suspect your kids know what the go is. They know what your concerns are. It may be time to let them start making their own decisions, and then it's time for you to be there if and when the chips are down for them.

Anger usually follows the realisation that you are losing power. The truth is that we really don't have any control over our older kids and the decisions they make. Then it's time to trust them.

I'm sorry you're going through this tough time.

love and hugs
kamary

Thank you everyone.

Kamary your story really touched me. You are right. I needed to have faith that my kids will do the right thing. The hardest thing in the world for me to do is to watch an addiction tear someone apart and to know I cannot do anything. I do not want my kids to go through what their father went through. So much pain and anguish. I also fear that I won't have the strength to go through it again. I've tried to convey this to my kids, but they never saw this side of their father, so they think I'm just bitter over the divorce.

I try to not let my fear get the better of me, because for me fear = anger. For now I will sit back and have faith.

Thank You,
bagObunnies

Hugs, being a parent is one of the hardest jobs there is. I told my kids that I was their mother, not their friend, not someone they can push around. I am here to guide you, help you grow and to learn how to handle life. As for the divorce, I am not bitter, just hurt that things are they way they are. And for them thinking that you are a stick in the mud, let them. For they will change their tune when they become parents themselves. I am not afraid of him and he knows it too.

Parenting, life sentence, no parole! Truly the hardest job of all.
I think you are right to express your concerns to your kids, let them know how it makes you feel and that it's because you love them.
With your underage son, you may still have some control, legally, with child protection, but do you think it will change things, or make them worse? At 17, he gets to decide where he lives, doesn't he?
After we've told them we love them, and why we want them to be safe and responsible, we have to then let them go, love them where they're at, and pray they make good choices. Repetition won't bring the message through louder.
Hoping for the best for your kids, and peace for you.