I'm sorry to sound so harsh here but it was time when you first found out about the OW. He doesn't deserve you - start the proceedings now and move forward with your life.

However, if you depend on him for financial support than treat this as you would a business arrangement. No contact unless necessary. But be sure to protect yourself and your son financially. If that means getting to a lawyer, than do it right away.

Hugs to you. Stay strong.

I agree with Chrissy614, you need to protect yourself and your son. Being that he is narcissist, is it all about him and he will do whatever it takes to make himself look good. Hugs to you.

It is hard to give a certain time . I am also in the limbo state and have not started proceedings either. There is no such rule. I do think you have to close all doors to knowing it will not work in the marriage. I know my SH (new term I am using for separated husband as STBX, husband or ex doesn't fit) and I have separated before but this is different this time for me. I do not want him to come back for finical reasons or companionship. He has to want it to be fixed. There is no other woman and some can even reconcile after that. IMO, we have to be certain in all aspects of knowing emotionally we have no hope left and strong as your therapist said if there is no reason to be afraid of him or that he is hurting you or son particularly if he is your source of income. My lord we have a lifetime in these marriages that in itself is hard enough to get your head around. Drop me a message if you'd like to talk further. I do know this site and support for others that are truly understanding really helps.

Start the proceedings now and have an emergency household support hearing set up when he is served his papers. That way he will have to support you while the process moves forward.... it happened to me so I know it can happen

BTW it is somewhat uncommon for women to be a narcissist bt she IS just that.... whne she doesn't get it her way LOOK OUT

I never had a chance to make a decision on filing. He came and told me he wanted a divorce and 3 days later he had an attorney drawing up the papers. This pretty much came out of nowhere. But in your situation it sounds as though you need to start a new life and the sooner the better.

Stop....I left my abusive husband when it was scarier to stay than to leave. And I filed for divorce when lived through an episode where he became what I can only call psychotic....I will tell you that in both cases, I knew it was time, it was right, it was the only avenue I had to save myself....and it was my best avenue to get my son out of his clutches.

So my answer would be yes, I knew when it was time....but because I come from an extremely emotionally abusive situation my answer may be different than other people's.

BTW...I have never regretted any of the decisions I made...I am

OOOOPPPsss

18 months out, and a year into the divorce.....Hugs to you...

We have a very different system here under Scots law. I'm not sure if it is better or worse. A separation agreement must be reached so that all monies/ access to children etc is agreed before divorce proceedings can be started by either party.

In my case HE ran away with my so-called best friend in January. My ex-friend and her husband sorted things out within a few weeks between themselves and then had this formalised by a laywer. They had fairly even incomes, not much in the way of savings etc and only house to share out.
In my case I recently gave up a well paid job and all money, savings, shares , pension etc were in my husband's name(I know! How silly am I!)HE is being very difficult about this and refused initially to use a lawyer as SHE did not but in our case it is not appropriate to try to do this ourselves. He is now working through a laywer but with minimum contact so it may take up to another year!

I totally undertsand your situation on the no earnings front. Until I have the settlement I worry every month about money- even though I know if he does not pay the court will sort it out- I worry all the time.

I am looking forward to the day I can apply for a divorce. He wants it to say unreconcilable breakdown and probably thinks I will go for this as the easy option but he is in for a shocK. My laywer has the papers ready and waiting and they say ADULTERY AND DESERTION - and it will stand up 100 per cent.

As soon as you are sure of your money situation- go for it- I would today if I could.

You do need to protect yourself. Get some legal help. It doesn't mean you have to start proceedings but just knowing your options will help you a great deal. I saw three attorney's before I finally hired one.