Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group
I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...
As many of you know I was married for 20 years to a man who slept with his cousin's wife. I was a stay at home mom and was told thousands of times I was a mooch, freeloader and would never amount to anything at all since I stayed home with my two children. After he told me of his affair after he found out she was pregnant by another man (not his or his cousin's) because he thought I needed to be checked since he "thought she was safe". I was the one who was safe...Only man I have been with and I am now 48 years old After 7 years of being away from him and 6 years divorced I still hold many resentments. My life shouldn't be like it is now. A single mom who still has her 21 year old son at home as he attends college (his dad emancipated him) and has not helped one bit with college tuition, books, insurance, cell phone, etc as he tries to make something of himself and attend college. I am still raising my 15 year old daughter and have not dated as I do not believe in another man into my house. I was brought up to have morals and values just saddens me their dad doesn't have any. I continue to harbor hard feelings as he now has a new girlfriend who is 5 years older then him. He has taken her on a cruise, get away weekends and now I see he has bought a new camper. I just feel like I did everything right and is being punished as I know longer have my family, my home and raising my daughter and helping my son financially while he doesn't give one crap except what materialistic stuff he can buy. I know it isn't Christian-like to want Karma but I don't want him happy when he has destroyed my life and family. Feel bad for even having such resentments that I can't get past....
I believe in God, Jesus Christ, the Holy Spirit, the forgiveness of sins , and life everlasting.
I believe in heaven and hell.
In the next world is where God meets out justice.
I think that we only get to explain our own case.
We don't to "argue" with God that someone else should get what we think they deserve.
I am in a similar situation as yours and I have animal feelings of resentment towards my wife and I hope that she gets what she deserves.
As I write this I am getting the idea that perhaps forgiveness for things such as your husband had put you through comes down not being concerned with wether he gets the justice he deserves, that is not in your hands, realizing that and accepting that may be forgiveness.
It may be enough for the resentment to fade away.
We don't GET to argue...
I have SIMILAR feelings... (Not animal)
We don't GET to argue...
I have SIMILAR feelings ... (Not animal)
I have my life and he now has his. He lives in his own private hidden Hell. A life of chasing women and always looking for the next to fill a need that can never be filled. It must be a horrible life to live that way but the ex seems happy.
He's finally out of my life, so angry I haven't heard a peep from him since the last court hearing.LOL
If I believed in Karma that would be enough for me to just never see him again.
To be honest, you don't have to wish ill will of another person who causes iniquities. Generally, their own ill will [bad karma] is self imposed. All one has to do, is sit back and look at ones past history/deeds, and decide whether or not to except the information of God's/Karma's scheme of operations. Such horrid events/ lifestyles are likely to happen with high risk and failure. Other names, such as "outcome, consequences, pitfalls, and probability" , all reflects the same concept whether or not a person walks a path of righteousness.
But you do have to let it go. The resentment will eat you alive. Pray and let it go. That's what I did and I am a much happier person today.
Sending healing hugs!
I used to wish that bad things would happen to my ex and feel big resentments against him. I usually find that if I spend time thinking about the awful things he did, and the things he's doing now, I start to feel really horrible. I much prefer to maintain no contact as far as possible. I feel a whole lot better if I don't think about him.
One night recently I was doing my gratitude prayer and ended by sending love and blessings to the special people in my life who need it at the moment. Before I knew what I was doing, I had added my ex to that list!! and do you know what? I feel really good. Much more relaxed and less antagonistic towards my ex than I've felt in a long time. God knows my ex needs all the prayer for love and blessings that he can get. He doesn't believe in God himself.
So I'm suggesting that you place your resentments in God's hands and let them go if you can. You'll feel a whole heap better.
love and hugs
kamary
I get how you feel about him treating himself to new goodies all the time, especially in light of him not being financially responsible with his kids. BUT.....it's out of your control. He's quite a pathetic human being when you think about it. He's traded in family for......THINGS?!
Your kids love and respect YOU. Thar says it all hon!
For those of us that were wronged...our greatest revenge is creating a new and fulfilling life for ourselves. Working though our anger and pain is the first steps....letting it go frees us from those that wronged us and allows us to move forward with an open heart.
Sometimes Karma takes awhile to make its visit...but rest assure...it will come...Karma can do a much better job of evening the playing field than any of us could ever do...so really...just make the best of this life you were given and let fate do the rest..Big Hugs...Kathy
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