i miss having someone share the responsibilities of taking care of four kids, a house that is in need of repair and simply of an intact family. i think another person could fill his spot very easily. he made sure he wasnt around much or emotionally and planned this out for months so its just a warm body. i am in no rush to find anyone else but know some day it wont be too easy to get anyone better.

I really do miss someone to share with each day, someone who thinks I'm special and not just because I'm mom, daughter, etc. I do love my ex but the way he USED to be, not the person he is now and I don't miss what our life became over the last few years--never want him back or to go back.

Not ready for a new relationship and may not be for awhile, but I do need friendship. Still don't understand why I still feel so awful (almost jealous) of his new life, marriage, baby....he's not what I want--- but it's so hard to separate the mind from the heart.

I miss sharing my days and nights w/ someone and believing that they think I'm special to them. Someone to talk to and just share my life with, take care of them and they take care of me. Guess I'm just lonely, don't know if I'll ever meet someone else but I have to believe there is someone out there for each of us.

Dumped and Tibi - I feel the same. Some days I miss him so much and it's really the "way we were" that I miss, not who he had become in the last few years. I miss the way our hands fit, and the look in his eye when he smiled at me or the way he'd grab my butt (his had fit perfect there too) and I think how he's doing that with her and I just can't stand it or stop crying. Then I wonder if someone else could make me feel better?

I too miss having someone to help with the home maintenance (storm door blew off just today!), drivers ed and the "intact family" piece too. I really struggle with which it is and I think it's both - just depends on whether I need a cuddle or the trash taken out.

I miss that connection to family, of having known the person for 30 years and all the friends and conversations and just life in general that we shared together. And I miss being able to discuss what is going on with our kids (because we don't speak at all now). I did miss the fact that I took care of him, made me feel needed. But I don't miss the emotional abuse and the constant anxiety. Good riddance to it and him.

I definitely miss the help. There is not one minute of one day since he left that I sit down and feel satisfied by what I accomplished that day. All I can see is all I did not get done and all that is left to be done. But more than that, he was my best friend. Friday nights are the hardest - we would have a couple of drinks and talk about the week, life, the future, the past... whatever. And Sunday nights, I would watch Food Network while he cooked me some fabulous meal. The good news is that I've lost scads of weight! But like Tibi - I love the man that was, not the man he is today. He's like a facsimile of the man I was married to all those years. He really seriously expects me to accept his girlfriend and, like you too Tibi, I can't seem to get past it. He offered to let me talk to her before my daughter spends the night with her in the house and I'm thinking, what the hell am I supposed to say: "Please don't teach my daughter to be a homewrecking whore." I swear to God, he's on crack.

I hate not having him to discuss things with. Especially when it comes to taking care of things around the house. But, when he was here he would just get angry when something went wrong so perhaps it's easier with him gone. It's hard have to make all the decisions on my own, not to mention stressful. I am not ready for a new relationship and don't know if I ever will be. This one took tooooo much out of me, and, although I loved my husband at times he wasn't very easy to love because of the mind games he would play. I definitely don't miss that!

I miss being able to run and hug him when I see him after coming home from work. I miss feeling comfortable with him right next to me, even when we were silent. There is a tension between us, mostly on my part, but that's because i still hold hate and anger...and that is because he has destroyed the family unit we created together and would have seen grow in the future... I miss feeling special. Today I would have worked side by side with him on the yard, but soon it won't even be my house anymore...I just don't "feel" anything about the house. I don't care if it is spotless...my days are numbered here...I'm ready to go. I miss how we used to hold pinkies when we walked together, or kissed hello, or said we loved each other a million times a day (ok, not a million) I miss who he was when he was "in love" with me... I miss the inuendos, the inside jokes. He's been very nice and giving to me, helping with dinner, buying me my favorite candy and ice cream when he gets something for himself...so it's just a painful prolonged good-bye until I leave...

After spendng 20+ years with the same person I wouldn't be human if I say that I don't miss my ex, the good and the bad times. The struggles of finding jobs, raising three children as young parents. Like you said pemdcat, I don't hate my ex or love him but I do pity him for being the person he has become. He will always be the father of my chidren, but we will no longer have a future together as a couple and I sadden by that.

All of us have written why and how we miss them. Do you think they think about the same things? I don't think mine does. Since he left me he has had two girlfriends and dated others. Maybe he never really loved me, but I know I could never stay with someone for 25 years if I didn't love them. Any thoughts?

Luono, I wonder myself what are x's think about. If in the wee hour of the morning do they suddenly remember something and miss it? Or when a favorite song comes on the radio. Do they have any pangs of guilt? I really doubt it because mine had a girlfriend before I really knew what was happening or headed for divorce. He already filled the spot in his life that I used to occupy.

I wonder too if mine misses me and our life sometimes. Or if he even thinks of me with regret or if for him it's just "good riddance" to a life he never really wanted. After 20 years together I'm learning so much I never knew about him. We haven't ever really communicated very well and if I'm honest we haven't had anything except surface conversations (what's for dinner, what's going on this weekend etc) since last summer (except of course the fighting). He also replaced me before he was gone so I suppose there wasn't much reason for him to keep up the charade. Now that he is gone, I'm hearing how he never wanted to be married (I was pg when we got married), but felt he had to do the right thing and make the best of things until the kids were old enough for him to leave. He "loved me" but wasn't "in love" with me. Unfortunately, I did not feel the same. I felt blessed to have him in my life and while it may not have been everything I thought it should be, I am devestated that it didn't mean more to him. I guess he is happy now? Although he won't face me so maybe he's feeling a bit guilty about things. Who knows, I don't think he's known what he wanted for years, he seemed happy until about a year ago which is when the new woman came along...

I sometimes wonder how she feels about all this but we never discuss anything, only Son or Divorce related. I just Detached when she said it was over and have been either at peace or just totally numb since.

I did cause Niagara Falls last month when we ran into each other after court and I told her that I still loved my son, our daughter, and her. And then repeated "in case you didn't hear me, I do still love you"... boy did that get her, she sat in her car wiping her face for 10 minutes while I watched from mine waiting for her to pull out so I can drive off.

She's the mother of my children, I can't ever Hate her and she hasn't made or tried to make my life a living hell. It's just Costly and I try to remember the first thing I saw when we split, someone wrote "and it was worth every penny".

After 29 yrs, I miss the person that I use to know. The person I see today as my X is someone that I really don't know, it's as though the person I knew has died. It's difficult to miss a person that betrayed you and hurt the family.

I believe you've hit the nail on the head, here. The first thing I noticed after my split was the cereal aisle at the grocery store. My ex used to have a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios every night before bed. I missed the "doing for" more than anything. I never eat cereal anymore and I'm happy to be in bed, alone, at night reading books that inspire and move me to more growth. Beats the heck out of the tension that was there in the marriage. He's sleeping with someone else, now, and I will look forward to a time when I can share my life with someone more worthy of my love. I'm finally getting to know myself after 33 years of "doing for". Peace.