Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group

I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...

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stopthistrain 02/25/2010

I am just sitting here wating for the NJ court judge to call me and grant the divorce. I am out of state so she was willing to get me on the phone in order to alleviate my having to fly up there. I couldnt think of anyone I wanted more holding my hand as I wait then all of you. I have tried to move forward slowly but today I find the wound as fresh as the original blow.
Please send me strength and peace as I wait. Please tell me this formality may just be the closure I need to really start my new life. I know I have been stuck in the past and I desperately want to break free.
Thank you all so much...
I wonder what it feels like to lose 200 pounds in one phone call!!!!
x0x0x0x0x
L

trisha9054 02/25/2010

Yes, you're divorce will give you all of that. I think losing that 200 pounds will be the nicest thing you will ever do for yourself. Write back and let us know when it is final. I wish you great joy in your new life.(((HUGS)))

deleted_user 02/25/2010

It probably won't feel so great today, but as time goes on you'll realize how free you really are. Hang on, you're almost there! Big hug to you today.

deleted_user 02/25/2010

Many people talk about the sorrow that they feel at this milestone. Do know that it does ease in time. And it also points to the love that you once had, showing that it was true in your heart.

deleted_user 02/25/2010

I wish you strenght and peace - my divorce was final on Monday - I worked myself up the days prior - Much of the early pain hit hard again. But I had to keep reminding myself of how far I had come - reminded myself of what he had done and reminded myself that the old life was not the life I deserved or wanted anymore. I found peace the morning of the divorce. Time will help - just keep doing what you are doing and put one foot in front of the other, dat after day - move forward to the wonderful new life you deserve!

I wish you peace!

Karen

Misred 02/25/2010

This is a BIG step toward recovery from the past. We are her with you hun and look forward to celebrating many more milestones with you. Take care

hurtinandhealin2560 02/25/2010

Yep, I lost a 185 lb. "hemmorhoid" on the day of my divorce--what a relief!

Welcome to your brand new life. Hugs!

MsTerey 02/25/2010

Getting this done will give you the strength to move on and reclaim what you want to do. Getting divorced is a huge process and consuming. It takes up so much of our space and emotions for a long time. You have been here a long time..

A big HUG, and by the time I logged on and saw this tonight the papers are signed and faxed. Sld1 and I say we have the grateful divorce now, not that we always thought we did.. but that is my wish for you, the grateful divorce, not so much a new life but a different one and the very best! Stay the course! HUG HUG

zouga 02/26/2010

I'm so happy that you will have this divorce decree. It's the first step in putting the past behind you. I know it's scary, but it's also empowering to know that you are free! The life you choose from now on is the one YOU want, not the one you live to please him (not that you could ever please him.)
I'm sending you strength, peace, and lots of hugs.
I won't have my final decree until July, so by then you will have lots of words of wisdom for me about how strong and peaceful it feels to be on your own.
((hugs))

CowgirlKathi 02/26/2010

Yup, I lost 170 lb of ugly fat almost three years ago. Feels so good! I am so much lighter in spirit! I can breathe again! Be gentle with yourself -- just because it's final doesn't mean you won't still have some feelings to work through. We are all here to support you. God bless!

stopthistrain 02/26/2010

Thank you all for your replies...Yesterday was tough, it was the first time I have heard his voice in 8 months. I feel better today than I thought I would. The female judge could not have been more pleasant which was a nice bonus.
Now he just has to do what the court ordered!! Thats the biggie. he doesnt have much money, I agreed to probably less alimony than I was entitiled to but I had to weigh the pros and cons of staying in this limbo stage. I dont recommend it.

You all give me so much strength even tho I dont contribute much..I will try to be better now that I have gotten over that olympic size hurdle!!
x0x0x0x0
Lindsey

deleted_user 02/28/2010

I am approaching my court date and mixed with sadness and anxiety...but also hope...hope for my new beginning...fresh start...I am ready but I know there is still some pain to come. Just ready to be done with it. Glad that part is over for you.

deleted_user 03/03/2010

L -- So glad it flowed for you. And you can't control if he does/doesn't follow the court order (I'm in the same spot) but I do know what I can do should he not. So proud of you for all of your strength and yes - you'll travel with a much lighter load now. :)

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