I'd have a party. Not because I would EVER wish what happened to me on anyone, but because I have endured HELL and survived. I did not end the marriage; he did. I NEVER wanted any of this to happen, but it did.

This, like a lot of things, is going to be varied, depending on the individual situations. I am 2.5 years post X leaving, and if I ever do get those papers signed I'm sure there will be feelings of sadness, but also gratitude that it is over.

I can see both sides of this. When I had to go to my ex's attorney's office to pick up some things that he was too much of an ass to just give to me, his lawyer said, "Congratulations" to me as I turned to walk out the door. I looked at him and said, "For what?" He said, "On the conclusion of your divorce." He had a ridiculous grin on his face. I stood there a moment trying to comprehend what he had said and then replied, "I don't think the end of a 24 year marriage is anything to celebrate." With that, I left his office.

A few months later, some friends of mine did have a party for me to celebrate, as Lori eloquently said, that I had survived the ordeal. I now see that my marriage was mostly an illusion of happiness. Yes, there were times when we were truly happy, but they were the exception rather than the rule. I can see that freedom from such a prison is a good reason to celebrate. But, it still saddens me that what began as a beautiful and meaningful promise of lifelong love ended as it did.

But, a lotus cannot bloom until it pushes its way up through thick mud and muck. A rainbow cannot emerge without a storm. We cannot perceive light without also having shadow. And so it goes.

We are all just trying to learn how to dance in the rain! All my best to you.
Kim

What beautiful words kim. I agree. I married for love and I meant my promise "Till death do us part". I had no idea he checked out a long time ago in our marriage. I would DEFINITELY celebrate because I survived the ordeal and I am so proud of myself for not falling apart with my life simply because he chose to no longer be a part of it. Celebration means success I succeeded with my life, succeeded in moving forward and standing strong for what the enemy tried to turn into bad for me God turned into good.

My friends talked about having a party and I thought I'd want to go along with it. I had a small lunch when the settlement was over - 2 months before we could file for divorce - at which I thanked each of my friends and my daughter for being there for me during a difficult time. It wasn't a celebration of settlement. It was a celebration of friendship. In the end, when the divorce came through, I just wanted to do that one on my own. One friend turned up at my house uninvited with a small bottle of champagne, and we drank to survival. Once again, no celebration of the end of what should have been a happy ever after marriage, but celebration of getting through the difficult divorce and making a new beginning.

I thought about throwing myself a divorce party...it was sort of born out of the fact that in 2005, I was already starting to think about and plan our 25th wedding anniversary party. Sad, but true. But when the divorce from Hell was finally final (March 2007) I was too exhausted and, like Time4Kim said, the end of a long-term marriage is nothing to celebrate.

However, I DID buy myself a divorce present about a year later. I had been eyeing up a new saddle for a couple of years and finally said to myself "YOU DESERVE THIS!" -- it was money spent on something I knew I would get a lot of enjoyment out of and my horse would appreciate, too.

I wouldn't consider having a divorce party, but I would consider having a "letting go" ceremony - but it will be when I have completely healed. I envision it with a small group of my closest friends and I will invite all of them to bring to the table, what they want to let go of. To symbolize the end and to make room for the new. I bought some chinese lanterns, that I will supply for everyone to write what they want to let go of on, and then we can all release them together. Divorce is not something to celebrate, but recovering from it definitely is.

Here's hoping that celebration won't be too far off for any of us!