Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group
I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...
There is a conversation going on within another topic right now concerning Dissipation of Marital Assets. A bing! search turned up this definition, which I believe is accurate:
The term "asset dissipation" most commonly refers to the dissipation of marital assets during a divorce. Asset dissipation includes the frivolous spending of marital assets, as well as the hiding or transferring of assets to a third party. The injured party must file a claim of dissipation of marital assets with the family court handling the divorce. If the filing spouse can prove asset dissipation, the judge will order the assets returned to the marital estate. If the spouse filing the claim cannot prove asset dissipation, the judge will not order the assets returned to the estate.
Read more: What Is Asset Dissipation? | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/info_8656692_asset-dissipation.html#ixzz1p5hxHLbV
My attorney and my accountant and myself spent HOURS poring over the now-X's credit card receipts and eventually were able to track where he was spending 90% of his income. Since we didn't have any kind of legal separation or interim support agreement during the 18 Months of Hell, he had to justify WHY he was using a joint savings account to fund his living expenses during that time instead of his current salary (which was substantial enough to support two households with plenty leftover).
I was also told by my attorney that IF I needed to SELL any marital property in order to make my living expenses (which INCLUDED paying my on-going attorney fees) that it was perfectly KOSHER to do so; I just needed to keep a clear paper trail of what the asset was, how much I got for it and exactly where the money was spent.
I sold a double set of custom made driving harness first and that put another $1,000 toward my attorney's fees. I would have sold the stbx's "mid life crisis car" that he so boldly left in the garage that first winter, BUT without access to the title, my hands were tied. Fortunately, my attorney pressed the point by getting a Motion for Suit Fees through the court and the stbx was ORDERED to hand over $8,000 so that I could continue my suit to divorce him. He was NOT happy about that, but you know what? TOUGH BEANS, BOZO!
So I just felt the need to put this information as a new discussion topic here. I don't know if it applies nation-wide, but regardless if your state is 50//50 or Equitable Distribution, dissipation of assets is dissipation of assets!
The term "asset dissipation" most commonly refers to the dissipation of marital assets during a divorce. Asset dissipation includes the frivolous spending of marital assets, as well as the hiding or transferring of assets to a third party. The injured party must file a claim of dissipation of marital assets with the family court handling the divorce. If the filing spouse can prove asset dissipation, the judge will order the assets returned to the marital estate. If the spouse filing the claim cannot prove asset dissipation, the judge will not order the assets returned to the estate.
Read more: What Is Asset Dissipation? | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/info_8656692_asset-dissipation.html#ixzz1p5hxHLbV
My attorney and my accountant and myself spent HOURS poring over the now-X's credit card receipts and eventually were able to track where he was spending 90% of his income. Since we didn't have any kind of legal separation or interim support agreement during the 18 Months of Hell, he had to justify WHY he was using a joint savings account to fund his living expenses during that time instead of his current salary (which was substantial enough to support two households with plenty leftover).
I was also told by my attorney that IF I needed to SELL any marital property in order to make my living expenses (which INCLUDED paying my on-going attorney fees) that it was perfectly KOSHER to do so; I just needed to keep a clear paper trail of what the asset was, how much I got for it and exactly where the money was spent.
I sold a double set of custom made driving harness first and that put another $1,000 toward my attorney's fees. I would have sold the stbx's "mid life crisis car" that he so boldly left in the garage that first winter, BUT without access to the title, my hands were tied. Fortunately, my attorney pressed the point by getting a Motion for Suit Fees through the court and the stbx was ORDERED to hand over $8,000 so that I could continue my suit to divorce him. He was NOT happy about that, but you know what? TOUGH BEANS, BOZO!
So I just felt the need to put this information as a new discussion topic here. I don't know if it applies nation-wide, but regardless if your state is 50//50 or Equitable Distribution, dissipation of assets is dissipation of assets!
My attorney told me this -- it is KOSHER to sell a marital asset (or to spend marital assets) IF there is a financial need (i.,e, food, clothing, medical expenses, necessary repair to the residence -- plumbing, roofing, electrical or structural) beyond the current level of regular income (whether than income is from temporary spousal support or regular income).
It is NOT KOSHER to spend marital assets on "frivolities" such as jewelry, dining out, airline tickets or cruise lines (yeah, no kidding!)
In the end, we decided to let the $50-$75k we couldn't account for just go. After paying for a forensic accountant and pursuing the dissipated assets in court, I wouldn't have netted enough to make it worth it. Besides, after the X had agreed to hand over 65% of the assets that I could account for (which was based on the DAY HE LEFT), a big chunk of his retirement funds AND 6 years of big, fat Alimony, I was satisfied.
As you said, I wonder if this is nation wide or varies state to state.
Thanks for posting this, Kath! L~
As for the OW - if community assets are used, the original amount plus l0% interest is the usual award. It can be community award (one-half to each as was the property), or all to the non-cheating spouse if fraud is involved.
Some days I really enjoy practicing in California!
Lynne
ALSO, if you are employed, and have an income, that goes into deciding factors, which is a lot different for many people here, mostly women who were not working outside the home or had an income. As said before, owning a business, and divorcing, is a different level of financial scrutiny than working for an employer and getting divorced.
Dear Lori63, my heart goes out to you.. Please go to a food pantry and sign up, or a church pantry. You also may qualify for food stamps, although if you have assets it may be harder to qualify, but look. Your state should have a website with the information on it. I also would implore any one to check with your Salvation Army, in most metro areas they have a food pantry and resources to help anyone who falls in the cracks. I have spent most of my adult life as a volunteer for pantries, and no one should go hungry or struggle to have food. This is a reminder to use all, that there are people here who do not have money or resources in divorce. I meant this all with affection and not intended to single you out. A HUG HUG!
What a shame for someone who came here to vent or seek support.
He wrote me, because I had posted about a co-habitation agreement in a divorce decree, which my ex had wanted ( really a non-cohabit with new person) and of course did not get.. he wanted to argue with me and revealed that he was the stbx of so and so.. I personally thought he had a few drinks when he wrote me! He insisted that he could and would have that put in..! YIKEA
My ex went off the deep end.. I of course was not living with or seeing anyone. He was looking towards the future.. he guessed if I did not want to be alone, I would not be. I put it bluntly.. he did not want me living in our house, which I bought him out of on, on what he perceived, was his" dime" doing "it" with s with someone else. Not his say, and no way is any ex spouse control me through that kind of BS! My ex would write these crazy settlements. I could not have a man move in.. I would write back what about a woman? Could I rent? He even wrote one that said, If Ms Terey has a person move in, EX would have the right to review his tax filing...
The subject came up when I met Sld1, a long timer here who had a stroke, and my good friend. That is how she met me, she insisted that clause for no men move in and cohabit and lose alimony was gospel. Not for me, and she was always angry that her own lawyer let that stay in her decree. It has come up.. and not to be confused with some kind of we live together cohabit agreement, which is not recognized in this state either.
The guy wrote me, because this had come up, and he was a jerk. A control nut.. and a stalker. All be careful here, I was divorced when I came to DS. HUGS