Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group

I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...

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/ Divorce after Twenty years together Support Group

Chose wife over having Children

Tryingtorebuild
Tryingtorebuild
My wife and I found out early in our marriage that she would be unable to have children. I loved her so much this didn't matter to me even though I had always wanted to be a father. At different times during our marriage she expressed regret about not being able to have children. I would nurture her tell her its ok I chose to be with her because I loved her. Now that she has left me I feel (along with my other whirlwind of emotions). That my life has been a complete waste. I have no family. No children. Both of my parents are gone and my brother passed when I was in my early 20s. Along with losing my wife I lost the only family I've known for some time....hers. Now that I'm in my late 40s I feel my entire life has been pointless.
hurtinandhealin2560
hurtinandhealin2560
I'm so sorry your are struggling, but please don't feel your life is pointless. I was unable to have children also, but my life is still full and rewarding.

Please consider joining a Big Brother group or volunteering at a school, or coaching a little league team. Even though you don't have kids of your own, there are so many kids out there that need a strong male role model and father figure. I am a high school teacher so I get to enjoy kids every day.

Sending some hugs!!!
iammine
iammine
I'm very sorry that you feel so alone! There is still lots of life to live and do NOT rule out the possibility that you will have love in your life again!

When you are ready, and if you choose to do so, perhaps you will date and eventually settle down with some lovely lady who has children and you will inherit a NEW family!

I'm not sure how long you've been separated, but if it's fairly recent, it's very common to feel 'alone' and like your life is pointless and you'll never have happiness again. This is a STAGE and is not your pre-ordained future!
Misred
Misred
Well, having children doesn't necessarily mean they grow up and stay invoved or a huge part of your life. I agree with the others, you can still have a rewarding life. I saw a story about a man who volunteers in a hospital rocking the babies asleep. The nurses said he has a special touch with them. He never married or had children and teaches math or algebra at a high school. His students were shocked because he isn't known to be a softy there. It's not to late to make an impact in some ones life.
kamary
kamary
I think most people who are divorced go through a period of uncertainty about the future and feel some regret about the past. I often wonder why I didn't leave my ex back in 1988 when I knew he was having an affair. Why oh why. How different my life would have been.

But now I am quite convinced that no part of our lives is ever wasted. One experience leads to another. Sometimes we can't have a new experience unless we've had the preceding one. Quite often, I don't see why I had to experience A until B or even C has occurred. For example, without the experience of my unhappy marriage, the devastation of the divorce and the heartbreak of estrangement from two of my children, I doubt that I would have found the depth of love and compassion I have today. My understanding of human nature is so much better, and so I find it easier to forgive and to give difficult people some understanding.

I agree with the others. I think you'll find a way to make your life full and rewarding, and your need to have that will bring it to you.

I'm sorry for your losses.

love and hugs
kamary