Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group
I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...
Good morning
I haven't been on here in forever. I am doing really great! So many changes since I was last here....
Anyway, the point of the post. I received a letter from the state yesterday asking if I have received child support payments directly from the ex. He made a few through the state in the beginning and then stopped (couldn't manage to mail a check).
While he has done many things for our daughter over the years ( a credit card with a small limit, pays her car insurance for the last year, paid her cell phone bill and done some other maintenance on her car) he has not paid "child support" and he has admitted that to me. He says he has done these other things to help out and that he doesn't consider them child support. He was also supposed to pay their insurance and never did, I picked that up years ago, and I purchased the car that she drives. I feel like we have evened out over the years.
I don't want him in trouble, I don't want anything from him at all. I just want to be done now that she is 18. The letter states that if I have received direct payments I have to list them on the form. I don't have anything to list. Do I just go ahead and state that I have not received direct payments? I don't want to make a bunch of stuff up just to keep him out of trouble, but don't really want to "go after him" either.
Advice please?
I haven't been on here in forever. I am doing really great! So many changes since I was last here....
Anyway, the point of the post. I received a letter from the state yesterday asking if I have received child support payments directly from the ex. He made a few through the state in the beginning and then stopped (couldn't manage to mail a check).
While he has done many things for our daughter over the years ( a credit card with a small limit, pays her car insurance for the last year, paid her cell phone bill and done some other maintenance on her car) he has not paid "child support" and he has admitted that to me. He says he has done these other things to help out and that he doesn't consider them child support. He was also supposed to pay their insurance and never did, I picked that up years ago, and I purchased the car that she drives. I feel like we have evened out over the years.
I don't want him in trouble, I don't want anything from him at all. I just want to be done now that she is 18. The letter states that if I have received direct payments I have to list them on the form. I don't have anything to list. Do I just go ahead and state that I have not received direct payments? I don't want to make a bunch of stuff up just to keep him out of trouble, but don't really want to "go after him" either.
Advice please?
He knew the trouble he might be in for not paying what he was ordered to pay. If it was me I wouldn't cover this for him. I'm not good at lying. I'm sure if he has to pay your daughter could use that money or put it into an emergency fund for her use.
Your ex was ordered to pay child support. If he didn't pay that is between him and who ever governs child support for your state. He put his self in this position and you won't be going after him. The state child support agency will. My thinking would be he owes your daughter.
Why isn't anything ever just simple? lol. I could use the money to help with her upcoming college expenses but I feel like I will never get it. And I don't really want him going to jail. I want him out of my life. That's it....
If he gets in trouble that is his problem, I know it may be hard if he gets in trouble but really he did it to himself.
If they do manage to collect from him its is your daughter's money. MOney that will support her, pay for school, pay for the roof over her head.
Please do not walk away from money that he should have been paying for his child.
Child Support is mandated by law. That he opted to pay for other things doesn't change the fact that he is OBLIGATED to pay child support. C.S. is for "food, clothing, shelter" which YOU have been footing the bill for all along. AND the fact that he was SUPPOSED to pay health insurance for her is inexcusable.
You have to do what you have to do, but if I were in your shoes, I would be 100% HONEST in filling out that form. Chances are, he's got the money which is technically owed to YOU.
The financial settlement in divorce is probably the biggest business deal of your life. If YOU signed a contract with a lender, you would be obligated to pay back the loan, wouldn't you? This isn't personal -- it's business. Treat it as such. Don't shortchange yourself.
That's my opinion.
xoxo
if you think that any of the payments he made to her, to you, or for her should be a matter of record, then include them, that way you've been upfront
i don't think that you are obligated
The government will take the consequences up with him over his choices and behaviors based on the truth.
If they get any blood from the stone, so to speak, I believe it's actually your money, since you've paid the bills to get your daughter to this point. It's paying back to you what you should not have had to spend.
With that said, I too would put it into an account to help with her school, or if she goes directly into the work force, to use as a down payment for a house down the road. I would not just hand it over, too many ways to fritter it away when you're that age, but look at it as a gift from you to her now.
You don't have to "deal with" any of this except tell the government what you got or not. It's up to him to deal with the rest. Don't perjure yourself for his failings. Take care.
He chose his path.
Answer honestly on the form. If he gets in trouble, that's his tough luck. He knew the rules.