There's a reason you aren't married to him. Do you really want him back in your life on any level. You can be polite to him when you accidentally meet him but friends?

You sound like you have moved on and you're happy without him. Think long and hard about this.

Like you said, a leopard can't change his spots. There is your answer

First, why are people interfering in this? Secondly, after all this time, he wants to come back. Why, the grass is not greener on the other side? My late mother always said that a wolf will lose its fur before he loses its habit. You are doing amazingly well, my friend. As for the children, let them be. My daughter was the same, now she is living with me and barely talks to her father. He will reap what he sows. Hugs and smile my friend.

From my experience, he just wants ego cookies that you are still there for him if he tries to come back or
he wants somebody to fall back on. If that were my situation , and yes it happened to me after we split....I say no thanks. No more mind games and hell for this woman. Nope.

Knowing the "why" is not as important as the articulation of your new internalized wisdom regarding your relationship boundaries and expectations. As knuckle says : "a wolf will lose its fur before he loses its habit" [very clever and very wise].

Sit back and just watch him play out his financial obligations to the family as proof! His performance is expected. Military for example enforces that the offender earns their badges with completion of their merits. Restitution is another proof of the offender's burden. No touchy touch..none of that! It's means, he does not get even a tiny bit to access marital -like "benefits and privileges" while being on the probation.

I'm friendly with my wasband....when there's a reason to be together, at a family thing, or mutual friends, we get along fine. Can talk and joke like always. But.....
I go home to my home, he goes home to his.

I'm so glad you're happy with your life, I'm not there yet, but that, in and of itself would be a reason to keep things separate from him.

If my ex EVER did anything to get in between my son and I, I would not be able to be friendly. It would flip to cold politeness faster than a snake strike!!

By the way, being friendly and "friendship" are two, very different, things. Go ahead, be friendly. Keep your friendships for your friends, and I can't imagine any way, any how, an ex spouse, especially a cheating ex spouse, would ever qualify as a friend.

Also, if he cheated, lied, was not friendly before, and now changed, it's a sure bet he wants something for himself, and I would highly suspect is has nothing to do with what's good or right for you. Stay smart, strong, and safe.

My answer is no friendship whatever the reason. Leopards don't change their spots, and that's exactly why I'm saying no, no and no.

love and hugs
kamary

Thanks for your replies. My real friends and neighbors, some who work with ex, and ex doesn't know that, expressed concern. Ex is trying to get me back. He is timing his maintenance on his rental property next door for when my boyfriend isn't around. It backfires at times. I really don't care, the only time I really see him is bringing in the dogs to stop barking because he teases them.

I would only become friends with him if it meant my children would want to come back home, but since he's not in contact with our children, it's a no go.

There is nothing he can provide me. Same thing with our marital therapy. The therapist knew from 2 min. I was gone.

I'm wary now.

I am on friendly terms with my ex after 2 divorces. Its a double edged sword in my opinion. There is the positive and then there is the negative part of being friends.

I have a rental house that got trashed by the tenants...they literally destroyed the place...my ex is doing all the construction work for free...which is really great because I can not afford to pay someone..but...we spend a lot of time together and it is taking its toll. So...in short...if you want to maintain a friendship with your ex...know that it comes with a price.

As far as your ex wanting you back...if your done...your done...there would be nothing he could do or say that would effect your position. If you are feeling uncertain..or...it brings up unwanted emotions...perhaps seeing a counselor will help...it simply may mean you have some unfinished business with yourself. For me...when these emotions come up...although I hate it...it usually means I have to look at a part of myself that perhaps has been missed or needs to be re-addressed...so in a way...I welcome it...aarrgg! Big Hugs...Kathy

OMG, that would be a huge red flag for me. I don't know how to advise you at all. I'd stay no contact. Why on earth is he talking to you at all? Oh, btw, I haven't read the other replies yet LOL

I've often wondered. Are families more thoroughly destroyed by divorces or people's inability to believe amends are possible? Forgiveness is a four letter word, or at least one that takes on many definitions.

I am not where you are yet, so my opinion may not matter much. My husband only wanted to work on our marriage when the OW got tired of waiting for him. The rollercoaster ride that I have allowed has totally drained me. If and when, I get emotionally strong and healthy again, I would never go backwards. He has had plenty of time to chose me on his own, not because she dumps him.

You seem so together. So strong and down the road of recovery. I could not be friends, friendly yes, but friends no. For me, there are still too many mixed feelings. I can't answer for you. Have your feelings stopped seeing your hasbeen as a couples relationship?

Just use caution, ... continue moving forward. Only you know what you're feeling & what is or isn't still in your heart. Protect your progress, proceed cautiously. :) Prayers to you. TCB