Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group
I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...
This should be an interesting week. Haven't heard from my attorney in three weeks. She was supposed to contact my financial planner to ask a question and then get back to me. She hasn't. I emailed her paralegal, who always responds immediately, to see if I could reach her that way. The paralegal never responded. Geez.
So, over the weekend, H and I reviewed an alimony-cash plan he came up with. It's not bad but doesn't include any money for taxes. ZIP. So, I wanted to adjust the numbers to account for taxes. He freaked out and said he was going to file. That wasn't an unreasonable request. Taxes on the alimony will be significant. So, I said I'd try to reach my attorney today. Reminded him of that this morning. He said he was no longer willing to negotiate. The numbers he presented over the weekend were going to be it. It's not enough. Plus, when I asked him to provide his final expenses, he submitted numbers that included all that he is paying for NOW. That's not what I needed and he knows that. He's trying to confuse us. Breathe in, breathe out.
So, I emailed the paralegal this morning and said that H and I wanted to wrap everything up this week and asked if the attorney would be available to do that. I feel like I'm having to BEG my attorney to help me. Sigh. Oh how this sucks. I'm sick and tired of being put in the middle. Nothing but Catch 22s all frigging year long. Sigh.
So, over the weekend, H and I reviewed an alimony-cash plan he came up with. It's not bad but doesn't include any money for taxes. ZIP. So, I wanted to adjust the numbers to account for taxes. He freaked out and said he was going to file. That wasn't an unreasonable request. Taxes on the alimony will be significant. So, I said I'd try to reach my attorney today. Reminded him of that this morning. He said he was no longer willing to negotiate. The numbers he presented over the weekend were going to be it. It's not enough. Plus, when I asked him to provide his final expenses, he submitted numbers that included all that he is paying for NOW. That's not what I needed and he knows that. He's trying to confuse us. Breathe in, breathe out.
So, I emailed the paralegal this morning and said that H and I wanted to wrap everything up this week and asked if the attorney would be available to do that. I feel like I'm having to BEG my attorney to help me. Sigh. Oh how this sucks. I'm sick and tired of being put in the middle. Nothing but Catch 22s all frigging year long. Sigh.
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I had gone to the grocery store. When I wheeled my cartback to my car I just stool there a minute. A few spacesaway a Tesla Cyber truck was parked. I had seen it on theroad a few times for a few seconds. But not close up.It looked like it belonged to 2126 and not 2026. I wasgoing to take a picture of the car but the owners cameback and drove away. It was an ordinary middle age...
Just think this time next week you'll have it behind you.
Why is it you who asks him for his financials? Doesn't his lawyer make sure that this gets done and then shares it with your lawyer? That's how it worked for me. Sorry, but I'm confused as to why you are dealing with both lawyers AND your stbx? Sounds complicated
I am trying to work with my stbx to draft agreements, then I am paying my lawyer to review them to make sure I'm not accidentally putting myself at a disadvantage, then I run it past his lawyer, who runs it past him, then they both run it past me so that I can run it past my lawyer....
All in the spirit of being "amicable" and not giving all our money to the lawyers...
My stbx said he wanted to meet me in person, but when I said I will after we have one issue resolved,
he said, like yours, that he was no longer willing to negotiate. I bet he'll use that line a lot when we get into the property division, and not just the "how to pay bills" stage..
If you want to formulate your financial settlement without involving attorneys, you need to find a qualified and court-approved Mediator. Mediators are cheaper than attorneys and they really know the law!
Most states have them and a lot of jurisdictions require that you at least TRY to work out your property settlement issues on your own because the court doesn't want that responsibility. Property division and child custody issues are what Mediators specialize in. Many of them are attorneys, too, but if they do your mediation, they can't be your lawyer. They will assist you with coming up with an equitable division of property and assets (and debt) and then draw up the legal documents for you. At that point, when all the t's are crossed and i's are dotted, you and your stbx must submit them to your individual attorneys for final review and signing. THAT's how it's done WITHOUT going to trial.
Stay strong and breathe