I know first hand how frustrating it is-most of the time when I have been the most upset with my atty she has actually been doing what she needs to do for me and just not communicating that with me.

Good luck-take a deep breath

God, I hope that's the case. Last time, I waited and waited, my first attorney wasn't doing a damn thing and wildly overcharging me for every attempt I made to find out what was going on!!

Goldengirl, I have said it before and I guess I have to say it again -- YOUR case isn't the ONLY case your attorney is working on. You have got to learn to really be PATIENT and NOT flood her office with calls. She will let you know about something WHEN SHE KNOWS! Keep calling all the time and I can almost guarantee you that your messages are going to go to the bottom of the pile!

I understand that all of your questions are important -- you just have to remember that unless it is life or death OR something that needs an answer TODAY RIGHT THIS MINUTE, it may not be considered priority for your attorney. If she is a good attorney, she probably compartmentalizes her time. Mine did. She had court 2 days a week so I knew I couldn't talk to her on those days. She also told me that she scheduled her office time according to what case was in whatever stage. We usually talked on Friday after hours and that's when she would answer all the questions I had come up with between then and the previous Friday.

You also KNOW that everytime you use up time, that time is being charged against your retainer. Most attorneys bill in 15 minute increments. Your retainer will get burned up very quickly if you're not careful. And again, remember that your attorney can't make your stbx DO ANYTHING. If you're not getting results quick enough, you are gonna have to go ahead and file something through the courts. Then he will HAVE to respond or face contempt charges. That will usually light a fire under their butts!

You spoke with her last week didn't you? She is working on what you directed her to do and on other cases. You made the decision to wait on the STBX and that's what you are doing. If your STBX is stalling, it isn't her fault. Make a list of questions to ask her when she does call. This is typical....you are not being mistreated or treated different than everyone else....it's hurry up and wait. You have a car. Although it is your daughters, you have something to drive. School doesn't start back up until the fall. In the meantime find something constructive to do so you don't end up worrying over something you have no control over. (((HUGS)))

Cowgirl is so right. Your attorney deals with cases like yours every day, all day. To them, your case is just another case. To you, it's life-altering. Just remember that every single time you call or send messages to your attorney, you are being billed at a high rate for minimal information, if any. When there is something truly pressing that your attorney must address, you will hear from him/her. I know it absolutely SUCKS to have to wait it out and be in the dark. Believe me, I know. But, it's far better than burning up your retainer with frequent calls and messages that don't drive your case to completion. That's a crucial key here. You want your case to be concluded, right? You want this to all be over so you can move on with your new life. Excessive attempts to interact with your attorney actually keeps them from finalizing your case in a more efficient manner. Nobody wants to have a case drag on for many months. Sometimes, due to custody issues or property dispersal, this can just happen. But, please don't make your situation even worse by contacting your attorney every time you are worried or fearful. I realize this is far easier said than done. Instead of contacting your attorney, talk to others who have been through the divorce process. Talk to a trusted friend or counselor. But, let your attorney do his/her job with as few interruptions as possible. I promise you will reap the rewards when your case is resolved in the time frame and at the cost you can manage.

I know it's really hard to do. You want answers. You want things to be done, over, and settled. Try to remember that no matter how much you push something, it will only happen when and how it's supposed to. I had a pretty nice attorney, and still he kept me in the dark a lot. I finally learned to let go and let God. I washed my hands of the details and just focused on making the best final decisions I could for my future. That's really all anyone can do. Keep an ongoing list of questions you really need to ask and then ask them when you do talk to or see your attorney. They will respect you for keeping your questions concise and centralized to these key conversations, and you will feel better having received the answers you seek.

As far as dealing with the Ex, well that's another matter entirely. As my momma has always said, Karma is a bitch! Let it work its magic and move forward with your life. You can't rely on the court system to right every wrong. Sometimes only time and circumstance can effectively do that.

I wish you all the best. Just keep dreaming of what your new life can look like and make it happen!

Thanks, ya'll. I'm especially sensitive to "not hearing" because I was royally screwed by my first attorney when I "didn't hear." After patiently waiting for 3 months, I got a statement for over $7,000 and no results!

Although I do understand that I'm not her only client and and I don't want to be in her face all the time with questions, I do have every right to know what's going on with my case. The questions I have are not of little importance. For example, I met with a real agent this week re: the sale of my house. She wanted to know when I wanted to put it on the market. I thought that timing might be really important in relation to my case and the ongoing negotiations. So, I emailed my attorney and financial planner and asked that. Not a long, drawn out email. Just a sentence. Neither one of them responded. So, I am left with a number of unanswered questions. Because they didn't respond, does that mean timing doesn't matter? Does it mean that they are thinking about it? Should I go ahead and sell or wait? Do you see what I mean? This is why I'm frustrated. I know they are busy. I am busy, too. To not respond at all to questions is not professional and extremely rude, in my opinion. I would never, ever not respond in some fashion to a paying client, ever. Who DO they think they are? I resent feeling like I can't ask my attorney a question because it might cost too much. That just shouldn't be. That's why you have an attorney, isn't it??

All that being said, I will take a deep breath and try to be more patient. I hate this. <sigh>

Cowgirl - One of my questions early this week was, "Should we go ahead and file for temporary support? Never heard back. I do think the negotiation for the car is taking way too long. I'm ready to go to court. She never responded.

I'm like you and I want things done and over as soon as possible. I'm used to making quick decisions that are usually right. The best two things I learned through out the 19 months to get my divorce and the six years after was to trust my Atty and to patiently wait. The ex also taught me those things too with our searches to find him.

I interviewed three attys in my little town. One advised me to stay for the money. Nope not me. I had already lived married and alone for almost ten years. The next was honest and didn't want to handle my divorce because of his overseas employment. The third participated in a class at the local gym. I didn't like her at the gym and I didn't want her going to court for me. The first visit she was telling me I could get everything I wanted. Most people never come out of a divorce with everything they think they want. The one I chose was the only Atty who could tell me how to serve the ex while he was in the Sahara Desert.

You've finally realized you do need to ask for temp alimony until the divorce is settled. Your Atty will need to work that into her schedule. I can guarantee your ex and his Atty are causing delays. You really don't want to pay your Atty to tell you every stall tactic they are using.

Focus on trying to find a job. You don't want to keep the house so put it up for sale whenever you and your stbx agree on the price. Have you got a price set yet? You can always take it off the market at any time. You don't need your Atty to tell you when. Just be sure you both sign the listing agreement.

I'm with Trisha.
TIMING is about getting the house appraised , agree to selling price, get it on the market, start staging the house for showing, and hope you get multiple offers. If the house sells quickly, GOOD!

This issue of putting the house up for sale is a little bit of a stickler UNLESS your stbx has already agreed to the sale. If you are expecting your attorney to get THAT answer for you (yes or no) you would actually be bettr off to contact the stbx yourself and simply ask the question. That will be one big piece of the financial picture solved.

As to the question you posed about filing for temporary support -- that you ASKED the attorney if you should do this -- don't expect an answer. You should probably rephrase the request to "I want to file an order for temporary support." Then it's clear that it's YOUR directive. Most attorneys don't want to make decisions for you. They really aren't supposed to -- they are being paid to ADVISE you. And yes, I would say that filing a motion for immediate temporary support would be the thing to do NOW. If your courts are like the ones where I lived, filing the motion and actually getting the support process going can take some time.

And Trisha is also correct when she suggests putting your energy into finding a job. That will all help when you DO go to court. You are certainly entitled to some on-going financial support, but it's always good to show that you are doing whatever you can to help support yourself in the meantime. Makes you look good to the court.

At the suggestion of my attorney, I took a part-time evening job with a non-profit when I was in the throes of divorce. It was a paying job and the hours still gave me the whole day to maintain the farm. It also shocked the stbx who thought I was lying on the sofa eating bon bons and watching Oprah all day! It did NOT affect my claim for Alimony, either.

Having something else to focus on besides this divorce would be good for you right now. Get a little dance around job in a card store or something -- ANYTHING to get you out of the house and something else to occupy your mind. xoxo