Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group

I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...

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/ Divorce after Twenty years together Support Group

Attorney No. 2 - GONE

goldengir
goldengir
Sigh. I don't know whether to scream or cry at this point. I may do both. I had not heard from my attorney for three weeks. She was supposed to contact my financial planner with a couple of concerns about discrepancies in my H's numbers and an idea she had for a lump sum arrangement. A week went by, never heard from her. Another week, nothing. I emailed her for an update, no reply. I emailed her paralegal for an update, no reply. I called and made an appt. for today at noon. I prepped for it this morning, sending her an update before we meet so the meeting will be productive. I get there 15 mins. early, sitting in my car in front of her office and the phone rings. It's the paralegal. Apparently, a meeting ran long this morning, can't meet today, could I reschedule for the middle of next week. Hell no, I refuse to be put off any longer. The woman has taken on way too much business and she's making her clients suffer for it. She can charge me a fortune and deal with me whenever she frigging pleases. NO. I refuse to be treated like that. Aren't we frigging suffering enough right now? Geez.

Sigh. How hard does this have to be? We're nearing the end I think. My H's latest offer isn't too bad, a few things need to be built in but not too much. I'm so sick of all this. Do I really need another attorney at this point? I have one in mind who seems to be very nice. A friend of mine recommended her. Won't I need an attorney at the end of all this? Sigh. I am so damn frustrated.
movingon46
movingon46
I am on my second one as well. The first one was incompetent. The second one is trying to finish my divorce but my ex just demands to keep stretching it out. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
goldengir
goldengir
We both are trying to get the damn thing done. It's the attorneys that are slowing things down. Aaargh, so frustrating. I have tons of business experience and I've never seen anything like this. Who do they think they are??
Misred
Misred
If you hire someone new, they will have to research everything and redo everything to the way they want. You will pay for them to redo it all. My attorney did not read the materials I provided and thought she knew everything, then when she presented what she got done it was wrong. I wrote her a list of why and referenced the materials I gave her on our first meeting. Of course she charged me to read it. It's like herding cats. I feel your pain.
goldengir
goldengir
I've got to have someone who is paying close attention to my case. I don't think my attorney was, way too busy, had to tell her stuff more than once, had to re-explain things…to the tune of $300/hr.
Atpeacemary
Atpeacemary
Honey, you deserve to have proper representation. It will be money well spent. I was lucky and had only one lawyer but she was straight to the point and I got what I wanted and more.
momto22001
momto22001
Hiring a new lawyer in some ways will begin the process again.



Do you need a lawyer yes you do.
goldengir
goldengir
You were lucky, knuckle. I have everything done to date very well organized. It shouldn't be that big of a deal.
tobywinn
tobywinn
Do your mean, you're waiting for a verification by your financial planner for the purpose to clarify some actual marital asset and/or debt discrepancy Or whether a possible lump sum payment can be taxed deferred to your personal income tax ? It's just my wild guess, maybe your financial planner crunching those numbers with just only 10 fingers isn't enough. [I'm joking you, hon,] It has been advised by others, coming up with an equitable division of property and assets (and debt) is the issue. Whichever form of payment is no big deal. As Judge Judy says, "State your preference as to how you want to pay?"
goldengir
goldengir
There were some numbers that H provided that attorney thought didn't add up. Wanted to check that w/fp. That was three weeks ago. Never heard a word back.

At this point, I'm feeling so worn down. I'm trying not to feel that way. This is the most important part of the game and I've got no attorney now. My H I suspect has had enough of all this waiting. I think he's going to file for divorce.
Atpeacemary
Atpeacemary
Let him file, he will have to provide all financial and assets papers and they better be right too. Perjury is not something that you would want to fiddle with. You can get things deferred, until you find a lawyer. That is a common tactic for them. My ex filed for divorce after all the separation agreement was filed and the assets split 60-40. Sixty for me and 40 for him. You are trying to rush things. I know that it is frustrating to say in the least, but please step back and breath. I was the same, but it still took the better part of 3yrs to finalized everything. I refused to pay one more red cent for his stupidity. So all his lies and stupidity cost him a bundle. Almost double what I had to. I paid about 15,000
goldengir
goldengir
Knuckle - What do you mean when you say you can get things deferred? I think I have found another attorney by the way. I just had to give my "old" attorney permission to release her files. She better not charge me for that….ggrrrrr.
goldengir
goldengir
If you paid $15,000 for your divorce, we are most definitely in different leagues. I've paid about $6,000 so far, ridiculous for what we've accomplished. Geez..
iammine
iammine
Have you had a frank discussion with your lawyer? Before you leave, and start again I would try to resolve my issues with her and see if she will prioritize your case. Even if the files get released, your new lawyer will have to spend multiple hours familiarizing herself with your case. Costing you money!

Your current lawyer is in over her head but.....will she meet with you to discuss your concerns? Get a yes or no answer within a time frame YOU set and then if she's non-responsive, you'll know for sure that you have no option but to move on. Ignoring your outreach is one thing, but to ignore a detailed complaint and request for immediate response to address concerns should NOT go unanswered. She owes you that.

If you don't get compliance from her or her office, I'd file a complaint against her. good luck
tobywinn
tobywinn
"I think he's going to file for divorce! " Since your H is threatening you with divorce, seems you both were rather working legally trying to find some financial SEPARATION arrangement [agreement of terms] which maintains the marital status but allows some degree of financial dependence from him. That changes most advise previously given.
hurtinandhealin2560
hurtinandhealin2560
I like Iammine's advice: have one more frank discussion with your current attorney. If you don't get compliance, then I think it is reasonable to look for another attorney, but I would file a formal complaint. I know attorneys are busy people, but I agree that responding to you within a week is a reasonable time frame and three weeks is totally unreasonable.

I was patient with my attorney but she never kept me waiting for a response longer than a few days, even if it was only to say that certain documents have not arrived or whatever we were waiting for.

In some ways though, this delay could help you. If your stbx is getting impatient, he may be more apt to settle on YOUR terms. Hang in there.
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