Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group

I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...

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/ Divorce after Twenty years together Support Group

Asking for support

Shorty54
Shorty54
I have been asked to give a talk on "asking for support". This site has been my only "asking" most of my other support has been forced on me (THANK GOD). Does anyone have any tips on ASKING? Thanks.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I find it very hard to ask for anything , so I can't be of any help here.

KB
Shorty54
Shorty54
My problem as well. Thank God for DS.
dairytech
dairytech
I dont have a problem asking for support from the people around me. I am on my 7th day of not smoking and I asked all the people I work with to support me in this. I have signs up all over the place saying...I can do this! One of the people I work with said something negative like...ahhh she'll never do it...I said...HEY...I need your support in this...it would be very nice if you could give it! It worked. He has been quite supportive ever since. I think that most people would love to lend support but are not sure what they can do to give that support. I think if you are clear and state exactly what you need...most people are willing to give. Big Hugs...Kathy
deleted_user
deleted_user
It's hard for me to ask for support also. I've always been pretty self sufficient. I also think that there is a fine line between truly asking for support, and just needing validation for our actions. What comes to my mind is something I heard a long time ago. It's that when you deny someone the opportunity to help you, you deny them a blessing. Giving is an important part of any relationship, and learning to receive is too. Perhaps learning to ask for help, and being able and willing to receive it, are what so many of us lack. So many of us "did it all" in our past relationships. We gave and gave because that was the only way to hold things together. Yet the relationship failed. Asking for help...expressing need...isn't just about times of crisis. It's about learning to interact with others in a healthy give and take relationship.
CowgirlKathi
CowgirlKathi
Tea4's comment is very similar to my learned philosophy about asking for help or support.
During my 18 Months of Hell, this was something my Therapist and I went over many times. It seems as if some of us have always had the notion that having to ask for help, support or ANYTHING was a sign of weakness. Indeed, it is NOT. Asking for help or support is a sign of STRENGTH! Strength in knowing that we can't always handle everything by ourselves and that we can benefit greatly from what others offer!
During the 6 weeks that Tom and I were communicating but hadn't yet met, I was lamenting the woes of some major chores around here that I simply could not do by myself. He told me that at his church, there were two sign up sheets: one for People Who Need Help; the other for People Who Are Willing To Help. Guess which one had the most signatures? People Who Are WILLING TO HELP! What does that tell you?
So now, when I feel overwhelmed and need verbal support or physical help, I ASK!