Your best bet would be to talk with a child psychologist, my dear. Kids have trouble adapting to change as it is, much less sudden change. There ,may also be some good resources available online. Check them out. In the meantime, you have to sort of hold it all together and make this more of an "adventure" for them than a major upheaval. I'm sure you can think of some things to make this change more fun and interesting for them.

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers today.

In my thoughts-my boys are older so I don't have any advice

I have a hard enough time keeping it together for my 21 and 20 year old boys. I couldn't imagine going thru this with tiny little angels. Hang in there sounds lame but the only comfort I can give.

A 9 year old little boy is at that time when he needs his father. He probably would bendfit with some counseling. Do you have a male relative who could spend some extra time with him? A trusted male friend could help too. In some areas there is Divorce Care for kids. See if you can find one in your area. Better yet google Divorce Care and see what might be available for your young boys.

Do talk to his school counselor and let him/her know what is happening at home. You can do that in the fall when school starts again. They might be able to direct you to resouces to help him.

Trish is sooo right...he is at an age where his fathers influence and time spent is so important. Counselling is really important. When I took the Divorce Care program there was one offered at the same time for children. It was counselling while at play. I didnt sit in on any of them but the moms that were in my class spoke highly of the course. It was really great for them because they didnt have to worry about baby sitters while they were in there class. It was offered through our church so it does have religious tones...I didnt have a problem with that.

There are also the Girls and Boys Clubs that you could look into. My neighbour is a mentor to a few boys and the club is just up the road from me...they also do really cool things with young boys...things that fathers should be doing. They also have troubled kids and offer counselling through the organization. If you google Boys Clubs I'm sure you would find one in your area or close to it.

We forget how hard it is on our children when parents break up. We are so immersed in our own pain and trying to adjust to the changes life threw at us. Survival is usually in the fore front. It a huge adjustment for us let alone our young children especially having to move from the only home they knew. Hugs...my heart goes out to you...Big Hugs...Kathy

Good idea - counselling that is. Poor you and little ones. It is never easy on the children. Sorry to hear about your difficulty. It seems so hard sometimes to help the kids when our own hearts are breaking. I understand about moving out of safe zone.
Bless you and plenty of hugs!
Cheryl

I believe you have to make it an adventure and more important, make sure that they feel safe, secure and loved. They will sense your anxiety and fear, but you have to try and not burden them with that. Point out the good things, no matter how hard that may be. Like more time for you to be together, closer etc. That it may be temporary and that together how can we make this work.

My therapist in his early years was all children in his practice, and he believes that children thrive on structure and a schedule. I believe that works for all of us, but especially children that undergo a change. They find security in that. I can only offer that you are doing the best you can, and probably better than you know. I agree if you can afford it, seeing a therapist all of you together may be a good choice. I also believe that talking to the boys and hearing what their fears are in this, may really help. I wish you the best and take care of you during this.. HUGS

He is currently in counseling and just had started every other Wed...that's all they could get him in for. Apparently, there are a ton of children that need counseling and not enough resources. I have no male figures as my family is a state and hours and hours away.

llmt, maybe try Big Brothers? But I also think that he needs some time to adjust. Throwing too much 'new' at him might overwhelm.

Try to start a new family activity that you do every week. Something fun and cheap like bowling and then a hamberger Friday night, or swimming at the Y...something cheap and cheerful.

It's so awful to see your kids struggle. But you can and will be there for them, and whatever you do, it will be the RIGHT thing. Believe in your ability as a great and stable and loving parent. They will make it through and so will you! Best

I had the same problem with getting my daughter evaluated and in counseling. Getting someone close by who accepted our insurance was a huge challenge. I thought the same thing.....a lot of people/children in counseling. I like the divorce care idea. Lots of churches run them, but they are hard to find out about sometimes. The church I attend now offers them, but it didn't turn up in the search engine years back when I was looking. Even though sharing a room is going to be a challenge, there are benefits. My EX and his brother shared a bedroom growing up and there were many late night talks. They will create a bond that is unbreakable. They will grow up knowing you are doing the best that you can.

Just my opinion, but talk to the counselor about male figures. It might be too soon, too much to go there quite yet. Maybe later the Boy Scouts. It is wonderful news that you have counseling for them.

I have a GF with two boy close to your age, 5 and 9! During the divorce I would go there about 100 miles away to visit. It was good for me! I would shop at the thrift shops for them, and we would do all kinds of things. I brought a Pampered Chef snow cone machine.. better her house than mine, a whirley pop popcorn maker like mine, games, kits, books, a kids microscope. We went to the municipal pool. We painted and made our own game. I found some kids golf clubs and we played in the yard. Battmitton, volley ball.. a slip and slide that almost killed me! Not all at once of course.. My friend does some of this, but more fun when I do it. We made a regular day to go to the library. I introduced them to books on tape (dvd). We did the dishes.. and the housework. They had something scheduled and something to look forward to! I taught them to make loaded nachos for dinner.. and homemade pizza dough and pizza. I stayed with them while my friends went away for 5 days.. and good for me, the dog and all involved.

So I hope these suggestions might help, and Jannine gave such good advice. As my good friend sld1 said fake it sometimes.. because your kids need to know they are safe. HUGS