It's a roller coaster ride. Foggy thinking can come from health issues as well so I really couldn't say yes or no to your question

You will work through your emotions several times. Tears, anger, sadness and happiness.They are like a roller coaster ride. The highs and then lows. Gradually the highs will last longer. You still have a ways to go and you are just at the start of divorce. Work thru the bad moments and appreciate the good. It will get better with time.

I understand about jumbled emotions. I am talking about the shell-shocked state I was in for two months after he left that had me practically unable to function. Is that fog gone? Like was that just part of the shock of finding out, but now that I know I am over the shock? And then I'll just go back and forth between angry tears, and sad tears, and angry feelings, and depressed feelings, etc.

Brokenheart...
It took me about 3 months to come out of shock and the "fog" you speak of. The one thing that kept me moving forward was when my attorney gave me a list of documents that I would need. I'm not one for paperwork, but it definitely gave me something to do that made me feel more in control.

The cycle of emotions is not unlike that someone goes through following the death of a loved one. You have to tough it out, but don't deny your feelings. Find a non-violent, constructive way to deal with the sadness, anger and depression.

I will hold you in my thoughts and prayers. Been there, done all that. Lived to tell about it. And have a whole New Life now that is 100 times BETTER than the old one was, even on its best day!

I'm happy for you that some of your "fog" (as you call it) has lifted. I do remember walking around almost in a dream state (ok nightmare lol!) for quite sometime during the worst of it. Yep, it was foggy alright!

Healing from emotional relationship pain is a strange thing. I've never lost anyone dear to me through untimely death (lucky me I know, at 50 years old!) so I have nothing to compare the process with. I've come to understand the cyclical nature of the grief cycle, for sure, but ultimately I believe that time is the great healer.

No big "final" pronouncement from me on your question i.e. YES it's over, other than to say that you're on the recovery path, and though there may be a few bumps along the way, you need not worry that you'll get off track; time is on your side! Hugs

As Misred says, mental fog can be caused by many things including menopause (hormone changes), stress and all sort of things. Shock is one of them. So I'd venture to say that your initial shock is over and that fog from that may not return unless you find out something else or something else happens to you during the divorce that puts you back in shock.

I had mental fog for years before I decided to leave my abusive ex. I blamed all sorts of things but it's funny that I don't get like that nearly as much since I left him. Even so, I had great difficulty thinking clearly during the time we were sorting out our settlement which was extremely stressful for me. I knew I had to be on the ball and I knew he was doing his utmost to cheat me at every turn. I managed to deflect some of his manouvres but eventually, because my health was deteriorating - I couldn't sleep and couldn't think and the general fibromyalgia pain was increasing - I gave in to some of his cheating knowing full well what he was doing (except for the car thing for which the penny didn't drop until I saw him swanning about in his new one - LOL that was for Duci).

IMO, the 'fog' is often a defence mechanism. The body's focus goes into the physical because we may need it to run fast or fight physically. We feel as though we're being attacked, so the body goes into fight or flight.

I hope it doesn't come back - for you or me!

love and hugs
kamary

I think my shock has worn off and I am two months in. All of a sudden I feel like I have turned the corner and I just might be alike to be "ok". It sort of felt like fog to me so maybe that's what it could of been is some sort of shock.

Hello,
Oh, I think back to that day(Night ) that my (Now) x told me she was going on a trip to another state to visit an old friend and do some shopping . This is like 7 or 8 Pm .
That's when the shock set in......
It's like this can't be happening ...........Can't . 38 years !!! This is not the woman that I knew all those years.
But it did !. A limo came and picked her up about an hour later. It was all planed.
So here I am left alone..............9 /10 at night............in shock !!!!
I didn't sleep for days. Finally Doc gave me some pills. Finally I fell asleep .
So, I remained in fog/ shock for some time. Oh, I can't remember now how long .....Maybe a month... two ..three. Longer ...... can't remember . That time in my life was and still is a blur .
I was on that roller coaster for many years. Sometimes I still "reluctantly " get on, but jump off as soon as I can . (LOL).
Now here it is almost 8 years ago since that (Shocker ) night and .....................I'm doing ok.... I remarried !!!!! Going to be four years this April . A wonderful woman ....
Oh. I still have my moments sometimes .......... guess they will always be there . It's ok....
Now.............. what I miss the most .................. Not the x.......... My house ............... Ha-Ha.
Funny miss my house more then her now .......
That just shows you how your mind changes ............... How you get use to something.......
That's why I mentioned to some fellow here to keep his house ........... The day will come when she/ he will be a distant memory............... or better to say : Faded memory .... Then everything you liked before will surface again...... I made a big mistake by not fighting for my house more. That's ok........life goes on and.............well, Wherever I am ...................it's where God wants me to be ....
Soooooooo, The fog................ You will come out of it........ takes time.
Remember this : You still have a great life ahead of you...........Many great and good things are going to happen to you...... I figure a lost of 2,3, years of my life is enough grieving for someone that doesn't want me anymore... Like CowgirlKathi . I'm much better off too. Except it's freezing where I am (Chicago area) and Kathi is in a warm place now... Ha-Ha... I admire that lady and the steps that she took to improve her life ... A very strong woman ! WTG Kathi !!!!!
So the fog .................. it will go away.....in time....
Take care ..Timeman

For me, the shock has worn off (mostly), but the fog does come back a bit at times. Not nearly the walking around like a zombie that it was earlier, but more a couple of hours of inability to focus (or focus on the wrong things - like WTH went wrong). But at least I'm still able to function, and it usually clears pretty quick.
The past couple of days have been rough for me, but it's more pain and sadness than the fog. Is that better? I'm not sure... :)
Kamary - thanks for the chuckle mate. Maybe I need to buy a new ride and go "swanning about". Can one "swan" on a motorcycle? (I'll need to wait a few months - not going riding when it's 10 below!) One of these days I'll have an appropriate time to throw some mid-west vernacular your way - like "you betcha". (Just DON'T watch the movie "FARGO". Besides being a horrible movie, we don't talk anything like that...)
Timeman - thanks for your thoughts on keeping the house. Financially I think it may be a stretch, but I think it's the right call in the short term. i think if I do move, it may be a whole life changing thing. Alaska calls me, I can see myself going there, or maybe the mountains of Colorado or Montana. Then again, maybe i should take a page from CowgirlKathi's book and head south - especially as I watch it snow and the temp is still below zero...

I think the other emotions come and go a lot more frequently than the "fog". I found that that inability to focus or be present only occurred in those first few horrible weeks. After that, I had to trudge forward and face life without the benefit of foggy thinking.

Just Duci, it sounds like you are thinking about the future with some optimisim and possibility - even a drastic relocation. Cool if you get to follow new dreams and start a fresh life for yourself.

cmonge - yes, I do look forward to the future with some optimism (most of the time), but having one foot firmly planted in the past is going to be a tough obstacle to overcome. I've ALWAYS been the level headed, sensible one. Maybe it is time for life change. But I do have to say - that scares the hell out of me.

Chances are really good the fog will come back but its not written in stone. This is the interesting part of the divorce process...everyone is different. Although the emotions are the same and the hamster wheel turns...everyone has their own jumping off place. For me...I'm a bit slower than most...however others have gone through the stages quicker and have found their place within their new world...so...if you have this reprieve enjoy it...Big Hugs...Kathy

You'll have your ups and downs, so enjoy it while it lasts - but also know, the bad won't last forever either :)

I agree with krking. the bad doesn't last forever. I still have "moments" of remembrance. lately quite a few. But nothing that makes me miss him or which different. It will be 2 years june divorced and add 3 years before for kicking him out. Oh yea, he came back once but I repeated the kicking out process.
I have 2 sons who have no contact with him, he plays games with my alimony, he's basically still an ass. But it is soooo much better now. I count my blessings every day. I have learned how to handle the issues on my own. I have been on my own without anyone living here for 7 months and I am liking it.
I do get lonely but I have run of house. I kept "our" place but did some painting and such to make it mine. Life is funny. You learn what matters and what/who doesn't at the time you need to learn. It all seems to happen when it was supposed to happen. Whether we are ready or not.
Hang in there. When feeling low, smile! Just smile!!! It changes you and helps you feel better.

I forget now who mentions this in the replies, but for us women, menopause or pre-menopause or whatever the hell it is that I`m going through, I`m SURE contributes to the fog! Actually ``fogginess`` is a good description of what it`s like!