Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group
I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...
Seems to be the trending matter right now.
I had made an appointment to try and get my life back on track. She is a psychotherapist and life coach and I have seen her in the past...
We caught up on my life and she has determined that 1) he is a narcissitic personality (yea, I see that glad to have it confirmed) and 2) I am clinically depressed. So there ya go. I have a book to read, appointments to make etc.
She thinks it is time to put the boundaries back up with the ex that I had in the past and the reason I have to are two fold. Since he is a narcissist he only does things because he has something to gain from it (I helped him repair his relationship with our daughters and he can control me again and make me feel sorry for him) and for the fact that she says he is like an addiction to me. Obviously not a good one and that once exposed to a little I allow more and more and can't make myself stop. While I thought I was doing it out of a good place in my heart he is doing it to gain something and I have to stop.
No real surprises, but I am on the path to taking care of me. Again.
I had made an appointment to try and get my life back on track. She is a psychotherapist and life coach and I have seen her in the past...
We caught up on my life and she has determined that 1) he is a narcissitic personality (yea, I see that glad to have it confirmed) and 2) I am clinically depressed. So there ya go. I have a book to read, appointments to make etc.
She thinks it is time to put the boundaries back up with the ex that I had in the past and the reason I have to are two fold. Since he is a narcissist he only does things because he has something to gain from it (I helped him repair his relationship with our daughters and he can control me again and make me feel sorry for him) and for the fact that she says he is like an addiction to me. Obviously not a good one and that once exposed to a little I allow more and more and can't make myself stop. While I thought I was doing it out of a good place in my heart he is doing it to gain something and I have to stop.
No real surprises, but I am on the path to taking care of me. Again.
Boundary setting can be difficult if you haven't done it before, but once you learn how (and how to make them STICK) your self-esteem will improve and your depression should begin to lift. From what you describe, you have been wandering around in the fog of a very unhealthy relationship for quite some time. Now that you have taken these positive steps to change, you are empowered. Keep up the great work!
I don't mind therapy at all and have great insurance so why not. It is completely draining though.
Cheers to everyone on here!
Big hugs and wishing you all the best.
When I was still seeing my therapist weekly, I used to drag myself into her place and lie down on the sofa for our sessions. Then, I would drag myself back out the door and make the long one-hour drive home and pretty much be done for the rest of the day.
I learned that if you are working hard at it, therapy is very exhausting. But no pain, no gain. I owe her a debt of gratitude for helping me get through the divorce and to manage my life better afterward. Keep it up! It's the single-most valuable investment IN YOURSELF that you will ever make.
All the best putting back the boundaries. It'll be worth it when you have peace and freedom again.
I'm sorry you've been diagnosed with clinical depression. I was given a similar diagnosis in February and was offered antidepressants. If you read my reply to lostandalone, you'll know that I don't do drugs, so I went on herbal ones. But I don't need them now that I understand what was happening. I hope you can gain the same relief when your therapist helps you sort out what you need to do.
love and hugs
kamary
PSI - she didn't automatically lable him narcissist, she did sounds sounds like it - she gave me examples and a book to read. She is extremely good, I trust her and again, I have used her in the past so she has more than just an hour to go on for our story. But I get what you're saying and we don't sit around and "verbally bash" the ex. We talk about why I know it is not good for me to go back. I site instances in our marriage and conversations we have had and she helps me work through them
Kamary - I am not sure I am thrilled about the meds. We are going into it thinking that it will be a few months to one year at the LONGEST. I was taking herbal remedies for it but they just don't seem to be helpig this time. I just can't shake it
You guys are awesome, I value everyone's opinion so much!
Hugs to you all
Sounds like you have an awesome therapist.
When I first left my ex, I actually felt like I was 13 years old again (the age I was when we got together) and thought of myself as the name I was called then. It lasted a few weeks and felt so weird, I didn't tell too many people. It was like I'd found myself and had to return to that age so that I could do the growing I should have done if I hadn't met him, if that makes sense.