i'm sorry for your son, granddaughter and you since the three of you are in a tough place,
i'm happy for your son and grandaughter because they have a knucklehead like you, you give them a warm house and a warmer heart,

I can empathize with the pain filled dreams. I have them sometimes, too. I don't know why our subconscious does that to us. My son broke up with the love of his life girlfriend a few months ago, and he confided in me yesterday how he has dreams about his ex-gf over and over. He said it's almost always around 3am. He wakes and doesn't go back to sleep. I've read that usually dreams are the result of our fears, or our desires. Hope you start having some pleasant dreams.....

I also understand about the expensive electric bill! My electric and propane bills have skyrocketed. Spring cannot get here soon enough. I commend you for providing for your son and granddaughter. I believe you will be blessed for your generosity and being a loving father and grandfather. This bitter cold winter has convinced me I need to sell my old farmhouse, even though I love it. It stinks having to be practical. Hang in there!

I wish there was something I could say to make it all go away for you and hundreds...well thousands of others who have experienced what we are going through. Unfortunately it is part of the whole process. Hang in there. I would be lying if I said my EX doesn't make me angry anymore. I can tell you with honesty, it gets better and will little or no contact I forget about him for days/weeks. I think you have a good plan about moving. It will definitely help. I agree with the others, your son and granddaughter are so blessed to have you.

I am also looking forward to spring, I keep my thermostat set at 69 but it still seems like its always running.

It is very hard to not feel the anger and get depressed about the affects of selfish people. When I am angry or depressed and mainly said, I talk to my counselor about it and he said that it all stems from the loss of the dream. We can finally work through the reality of what has happened and begin to move forward and we feel like we're on the right path and then BAM, the anger or sadness creep in. Once my counselor told me that, I was able to start processing my emotions to see if it truly was anger for anger's sake or just angry that I would no longer have the dream of "happy ever after" and an intact family for my children and grandchildren. So it helped to start processing the right emotion and helped me start taking steps to heal from it.

hugs to you

As Misred said, on some point it does get better.

At some point on this thread, I read a story about how we are like pieces of paper. We start out fresh and clean and as we go through life, we become crinkled, worn, marked all over, but we remain that piece of paper.

That helped me realize that I am not defined by what has happened to me, I am defined by what I hold myself to be.

It has taken me a while to get here and I have to work hard to stay here. I do still have the dreams that rouse me from sleep but I can now fall back to sleep. We have to go through this process of grief over the loss of the dreams and the what we thought we had. You are looking outside of your needs and that is a definite sign that you are making your way through the process. so Congratulations for feeling the anger and mastering it.

You'll be OK. Trust in that. It will pass and you will look back and see how much better it is :)

Hang in there buddy ........... these feelings will pass.
They come and go . Little by little they are less frequent .
Try to keep busy and not think about her.
I use to go to sleep with a radio talk show on , just so I have something to listen to.
Otherwisw my mind would wonder back to her (x) .. It worked !
Not Music .. to many sad songs !!! Talk shows only !!!!
Take care ..........
We're here for you !!!!!
Timeman .Bob

Yes this is part of the healing process even if it hurts. I think the dreams are part of our subconscious processing these emotions that get overwhelming for us to feel, What they said is right on. I am now almost a year since I last saw or verbally spoke to my ex. For a while the dreams were constant. But now I only have them here and there. I dont go days and weeks without thinking about my ex but I definitely go hours now and that didn't happen in the beginning. Unfortunately this is baby steps process and lots of steps backwards to move forward again. You are just feeling the rollercoaster of emtions.

Karma is a bitch. Let Karma destroy your ex because there is no way a person could really feel good about themselves for these types of actions. You focus on you and that means allowing yourself to go over and over through the grief and angry stages of this. Its part of healing.

I actually lived your dream! For me...it was a living nightmare. Like lori47...I believe our dreams are a place to work things out that dont get worked out in our daily lives. As difficult as it was...I welcomed those dreams...it showed me where I needed to focus more time and energy on myself. Try to see it as an opportunity rather than an obstacle or something to escape.

I also am a big believer in Karma. I have seen it at work in my own situation. It took a while but it did come. Karma can do a much better job of levelling the playing field than any of us could ever do. So..dont seek revenge just allow Karma to do its thing...and trust me...it will...Big Hugs...Kathy

I'm a bit late answering this post, lostwh. I hope you're feeling a bit better as it's a few days since you wrote. I think feeling angry is a healthy part of grieving and a natural response to the hurt. I was angry for a long time before I left my ex and for a quite a while after. Now that I don't have him in my life, I don't get angry much at all. I had a moment last week, though, when my daughter told me that he's now doing to her and her family the same things he used to do to me - he's hardly in their lives and then he's critical and selfish when he is.

You have had a cold winter over there and I hope it's over soon. I can imagine the heating bill would be a big one.

I think you're a great dad:)

love and hugs
kamary