Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group

I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...

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Chrissy614 07/06/2008

What was I thinking. I thought I could go to Florida and get away from all this pain and sadness and take a happy vacation. What was I thinking. Today, first day here, on the beach it's full of couples and families enjoying time together. It reminds me of our past vacations with the kids and my vacations with my husband. Walking on the beach, hand in hand, picking up sea shells and sharks teeth. The condo is absolutely beautiful with the whole upper floor as the master bedroom - jacuzzi and all and I'm here alone. I just want my husband here with me having a good time and I can't even enjoy my vacation because he's all I'm thinking of. I don't know why i even bother though because his family, me and the kids, just drove 1400 miles and you think he would call to see if we got here ok - hell no. He doesn't even seem to care. How can he just detach himself from us like that? Even the kds have notice and they both say they are not surprised, but I am. Even if he doesn't care about me, I know he cares about them. Is he so seperate from us now that even they don't matter anymore. Has his idea of a single life come full circle already. I can only speculate. God, what is wrong with this man I was married to for 20 years? What is wrong with this father who proclaims to love his kids beyond reason, What happened to this man? I will never understand this - any of this. It will be a painful mystery for the rest of my life.

deleted_user 07/06/2008

Im sorry you are feeling this way today . I do hope it gets better for you , but as they say outta sight outta mind.
In his mind he sees he is doing nothing wrong he has moved on with his life and has left you to pick up the pieces and hold what is left of your family together. Hugs to you love you need all the strength and support you can get right now .

deleted_user 07/06/2008

I know it is hard to be on vacation when you are used to having husband along. My STBX left 1 month before springbreak. We had a trip to Disney planned. He even helped make the dining reservations the weekend before he walked out. I ended up taking my kids to Disney without him. It was very hard. I was lucky that my single sister came along, I could not have done it otherwise. Try not to think of him and try to have fun. Hugs to you! Relax and indulge yourself.

deleted_user 07/06/2008

I'm glad you were able to get away for awhile. It is hard to see all the happy families, but you have a family now too, it's just different. You and the kids deserve some sand and sun and a good time. Pick yourself up, put a smile on you face and look forward to all the new things that will be comming your way. Our family vacations were always a little stressful because my ex was a control freak---the last trip we took was sooo wonderful because not an unkind word was spoken among us. It was heavenly! Try to find a bright spot in each day and work on that tan!

deleted_user 07/06/2008

Try to make some new memories with your kids.

deleted_user 07/06/2008

I know how hard this must be for you.
Dont try to understand. Focus on you and your kids. Let the warm ocean breeze blow it all away even for just a little while!

Sending hugs to you

deleted_user 07/06/2008

Think of the peace...take a deep breath and enjoy YOU and YOUR KIDS and FAMILY...Make new memories that will keep you laughing for weeks, the will make you laugh later on in the years to come. You could be sad FOR HIM that he chose not to be a part of your/kids lives...HIS LOSS, don't let his stupidity be YOUR LOSS! ENJOY and LAUGH with the kids!!!
Feel the warmth of the sun and the sand between your toes...and it doesn't hurt to enjoy a bit of the eye candy!!! :)

deleted_user 07/06/2008

I am leaving on Friday for a vacation with my son! I am really hoping to have a good time. I told my son today that I will not allow him to ruin our lives and that WE ARE GOING TO HAVE FUN! I think you need to do the same thing! I know it is hard and I am sure I will have my issues, but we are going to have fun!!
Please try to make new memories with your family! Hugs and happiness! Hang in there!

deleted_user 07/06/2008

Glad you made it safely to Florida! What a long drive! Try to have a good time and enjoy the time with your kids. It was very hard for me last week when I took my son for a college visit and then did some fun things and of course everything we did I wished my husband was there too but I tried to be happy (as happy as I could). I mentioned husband once and my son said- we aren't talking about that- we are going to have fun. So- I tried really hard and we ended up having a good time and in the end- he was the one who missed out being with his family and having fun. Have fun and relax- enjoy your family and have a safe trip home!
Hugs and peace to you!

deleted_user 07/06/2008

Try to enjoy yourself. Relax, walk on the beach, and try not to understand why your husband did what he did. Easier said than done, I know. When my husband first left I went to the beach by myself and all I did was cry. It was terrible. Now I go and think how sad that he can't do this with me anymore. I just got back from visiting my family and friends in NJ and I was the only without a spouse, but it was ok. As a matter of fact some of my girlfriends (we've been friends since we were 5, 10 and 11) were saying (in not so many words) how nice it must be for me to come and go as I please, not have to cook, not have to walk on eggshells, etc. I thought, "Yeah, this isn't so bad. I can do what I want, when I want without having to answer to anyone." Of course, I didn't always feel like this. When he first left me I thought I was going to die, but a year and half later I'm still breathing! Take care of you and your children and enjoy your time together! Love and Hugs to you!

deleted_user 07/07/2008

Oh big hugs to you..make new memories, and stop worrying about the whys.. it will eat you up.. just think about the moment at hand and your children..have a GOOD vacation!!!

Chrissy614 07/07/2008

You are all right. Today is a new day and I am determined to make this trip enjoyable. I also plan to NOT bring up the husbands name for the rest of the trip. I think I was a little obsessive yesterday because he didn't call and see if we made it. But, last night he did finally text me to see if everything went ok. Thanks so much to all who gave me the pick up I needed and the reminder that this trip is about me and my kids and having fun and making new memories that he will never be a part of. He will never get this time back with his kids - what a shame for him and it IS his loss. Thanks and hugs to all.

deleted_user 07/07/2008

We are glad you made it there safe. I am sure it is hard on you but you are in a beautiful place and with loved ones. You have to enjoy the time you have with them and take advantage of being on vacation. Try to let the other go just for now and enjoy and be in the moment there now. Be careful on your trip home.

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