What was I thinking. I thought I could go to Florida and get away from all this pain and sadness and take a happy vacation. What was I thinking. Today, first day here, on the beach it's full of couples and families enjoying time together. It reminds me of our past vacations with the kids and my vacations with my husband. Walking on the beach, hand in hand, picking up sea shells and sharks teeth. The condo is absolutely beautiful with the whole upper floor as the master bedroom - jacuzzi and all and I'm here alone. I just want my husband here with me having a good time and I can't even enjoy my vacation because he's all I'm thinking of. I don't know why i even bother though because his family, me and the kids, just drove 1400 miles and you think he would call to see if we got here ok - hell no. He doesn't even seem to care. How can he just detach himself from us like that? Even the kds have notice and they both say they are not surprised, but I am. Even if he doesn't care about me, I know he cares about them. Is he so seperate from us now that even they don't matter anymore. Has his idea of a single life come full circle already. I can only speculate. God, what is wrong with this man I was married to for 20 years? What is wrong with this father who proclaims to love his kids beyond reason, What happened to this man? I will never understand this - any of this. It will be a painful mystery for the rest of my life.
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