Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group

I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...

506 Members

7,364 Posts

0 Online

mbstone 09/25/2011

Are affairs choices or mistakes? My Ex-husband has told me that his 8 year affair with his cousin's wife was a "mistake". I don't believe it was a mistake to have sexual intercourse. It was a choice! I think he continues to be in denial of what he has done to destroy his family. What do you think?

deleted_user 09/25/2011

It was a choice that was a big mistake.

CowgirlKathi 09/25/2011

Definitely a CHOICE. We ALL know the difference between right and wrong, it's just that some folks seem to have convenient "lapses in judgement" and make the wrong decision. It is only in retrospect (sometimes many, many years after the lapse) that the offender realizes what a grave mistake they made.

Don't fall for this 8-years after-the-fact "confession." It doesn't change a thing! And if he continues to be in denial, that's HIS PROBLEM -- not yours.

tobywinn 09/25/2011

The only mistake he is confessing to is having been CAUGHT.

KRKing911 09/25/2011

I agree it's a choice. He knew what he was doing and for 8 years? What a piece of work. I'm sorry for you.

trisha9054 09/25/2011

He wasn't drunk for 8 years. No one twisted his arm for eight years. As a friend once wrote: no one forced him to take off his clothes, have sex with her and keep going back for 8 years.It was definitely a choice he made. A bad choice but still his choice to own up to.

JaMama 09/25/2011

Definitely a choice. It isn't very caring of him to put it to you that way. As if he just figured out it was wrong.
Is he trying to figure out if you are still avaiable to him? Is he trying to figure out if you will have sympathy for him?

I am still working on the forgiveness piece of this puzzle. I have read that you can forgive, accept what they did as their bad behavior, not a reflection of your value and decide to break away and move on without them.

Anyone who can have a 8 year long affair seems to be quite a liar. I wouldn't trust anything he says.
Doubt him, trust yourself.

hurtinandhealin2560 09/25/2011

No doubt--a choice.

It's simply amazing to me how these cheaters can rationalize their bad behavior.

deleted_user 09/25/2011

I think it is both a choice and a mistake. In other words it's a wrong choice (mistake)

dairytech 09/26/2011

Once is a mistake...twice is on purpose..Big Hugs...Kathy

Join the Conversation