Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group
I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...
Been out of the loop for a while now. But back again. Have started divorce procedure finally. He tried to give me the "I dont want a divorce" "let me do the counseling" route and I admit I fell for it. Never moved him back after I kicked him out though. Proud of that. Did see him bout 2-4 times in 3 month period. Finally told him enough was enough when I found out he bought a house in neighboring state of wv (where he is originally from, We live in ohio) just 60 miles away,. Of course, he hasn't admitted to this fact but I know the realtor. He bought a pickup too. He's been depositing money every week into our joint account. Monday I found out he decided to get his own lawyer. Hey go for it. Guaranteed this lawyer doesnt know all the facts. He has someone coaching him on what to do. I don't care. I know what I want and he had agreed to it. But now my lawyer says we may get more. He'll have to disclose his earnings for last 2 years. May not be a dissolution now but divorce. Who knows. He knows now I am a ballsy bitch who is taking no more of his bs and have called him out. That;s why he got a lawyer. Cause I decided to do it first. Such a baby. I kicked him out. I refused to let him move back. I got a lawyer and filed for divorce. All the things he was telling his friends and family HE was doing.
Just keep me in your prayers cause no matter how tough I sound it is still a scary process. I have meltdowns but only for brief times. I get mad and put my big girl panties on and say "what the hell?" I start another counselor next week (our other one never returns calls so I guess he wrote me off) and know it will help. Just want to erase him from my head and heart. Don't love him any more like I did so now I need to concentrate on me.
Just keep me in your prayers cause no matter how tough I sound it is still a scary process. I have meltdowns but only for brief times. I get mad and put my big girl panties on and say "what the hell?" I start another counselor next week (our other one never returns calls so I guess he wrote me off) and know it will help. Just want to erase him from my head and heart. Don't love him any more like I did so now I need to concentrate on me.
PS, I agree...absence from the EX or STBX does not make the heart grow fonder. At least it didn't in my case.
My thoughts and prayers will be with you!
xoxox
Typical scenario as far as him "playing" you and letting people think he is doing this. My STBX also allows people to think he is divorcing me and doing all of these things, but the truth is that if I let him back he would come back. I filed, I am pursuing selling our business, I drafted all the paperwork, I have made all of the plans for how to get this done. He is just hanging on for as long as he can and waits for me to make all of the moves.
Your STBX is "planning" something and you are smart to get an attorney involved. Don't trust anything.
Good luck and keep us posted!
Geting a divorce and being on your own again can be a bit scary but in the end you will find a new life for yourself. It can be freeing to know that you are the boss of your fate and no one else can interfere with what you want and how you choose to live.
Being the one who files for divorce does NOT make you the "bad guy." In fact, it makes you the SMART GUY! If you reside in a state that still allows you to file for divorce WITH GROUNDS, I will tell you from personal experience that it's a whole lot less stressful to be the Plaintiff than the Respondent. As the Plaintiff, YOU get to name the grounds for divorce and it's up to the Respondent to try to disprove or deny those grounds.
Yes, the process sucks and the time it takes will about drive you batty sometimes, but it's well worth the effort. Sending you thoughts for TENACITY and STRENGTH across the miles today!
Stay strong. You're on the right track. Stay focused on getting everything you're entitled to, especially if he starts getting smart. You can do it. And you're going to feel so good when it's all done and dusted.
love and hugs
kamary
Be prepared for meltdowns...it is normal.
Hugs..
Nannie
Sending loads of hugs!
'I am not the cute little chick you married; I am the pissed off, fed up woman that's divorcing you.'
Sending you support, L~